What Tears Us Apart(Sequel to What Brings Us Together)

Chapter One: It Never Rains Forever

The rain water was dripping through my clothes, chilling me to the bone. My hair was soaking and stuck to my face and the back of my neck.

I was sitting on the roof of STAR Labs.

It didn't matter to me that it was raining. Nothing mattered to me in that moment, and I worried that nothing ever would again. I had Ralph's suit jacket wrapped around my drenched white super-suit, and I struggled to figure out which of the droplets running down my face were rain water and which were tears.

We connected for the first time here. We had our first kiss here, our first date. This was wear he told me that he had always liked me. And now he was gone.

And on top of that, found myself regretting the last five years, wishing I had gone and found him. Wishing I had had more time. I wished I had gone with my instincts that he wasn't a bad guy after all.

It was a few hours before I got too cold to stay on the roof and changed into some dry clothes, still wearing Ralph's blazer. I found a chair at Jitters and ordered a hot chocolate and just stared off into space, trying not to think about Ralph.

The waitress set my hot chocolate down on the table, along with my receipt. I grabbed the cup, picking it up to see a message scrawled onto the receipt in neat, curly hand-writing that weirdly resembled my own.

Be strong, because things will get better. It may be stormy now,but it never rains forever. -Hannah

I looked towards the kitchen to see the blonde girl that has the same necklace as me, as well as the name that I liked. Hannah. She made eye contact with me and I offered her a silent thank you.

How is it possible to feel numb, and yet feel so much pain all at the same time?

~~~

I repeated that exactly question to Dr. Sharon Finkle.

"It's very possible, and very normal." She assured me. "How close were you with Ralph?"

"He...was my boyfriend, lived in my apartment. I loved him more than I have ever loved a person, ever, and..." I trailed off. "And, on top of that, I had known him for years. I just kind of wish that I had realized how incredible he was a long time ago...I just wish I would've had more time. But at the same time, I just feel so stupid."

"Why is that?" She asked.

"Because...in my life, people get hurt. People die, it's a common occurrence in my experience, and...I feel like an idiot for getting close to him, and letting myself fall in love with him in spite of that." She nodded.

"Laura, I want you to do something for me. I want you to think about Ralph. Think about the time you spent together, your favorite moments, the things you loved about him. Feel free to shout out some of your favorite memories or qualities."

"I don't, I...I don't want to think about it. Because I know if I think about how great it was, eventually I'll remember that..." My voice broke and I stopped talking as the tears welled up in my eyes.

"It's ok to be sad." She said. "It's good. Without sadness, we wouldn't understand Joy." I shook my head, looking at the spot on the couch next to me. I recalled Ralph sitting on that exact couch, holding my hand. I remember how confused I was that I made him comfortable, and why I liked holding his hand so much. 

"I remember being in this office with him." I said. "You told him that physical contact with someone that makes him feel comfortable was a good idea, and he chose me. I didn't understand why, but...once he told me that he liked me, it all made sense. He'd been in love with me for years, but was keeping his distance and cat calling me because he thought I deserved better than him, tat stupid idiot." I laughed, surprising myself.

"The point of this exercise Laura, is that I want you to look at your time together. Every good moment, good quality, all of it, and I want you to honestly consider...if you didn't know that this was going to happen...and if you forget about the pain you feel right now, would you honestly say that you wish you had never fallen in love with him." The tears came back as my answer formulated in my head.

"No...no, I can't say that." She nodded.

"I have an assignment for you, then." She wrote something down in her note pad. "Every time you begin to feel sad about Ralph...I want you to replace your negative thought with a positive one. One of his qualities, a favorite memory, maybe even just his face at certain times. Just try to remember him how he was instead of thinking about how he isn't here anymore. Do you think you can do that?" I nodded.

"Yeah...I can try, at least."

"That's all I'm asking for. That's what Ralph would have wanted too, I'm sure." I nodded and the timer went off. "We'll pick this up next week, or sooner if you need it." I nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. Finkel." She nodded.

"Also? Rely on your friends. I've been talking to Barry and Iris too, and...while I can't give you any information, I think you all need each other." I nodded.

~~~

I stood in the doorway of the Cortex. I hadn't seen anyone in a couple days, and they still hadn't noticed i was there. As I looked around the room I remembered every spot I'd been with Ralph. Where he'd stood making stupid jokes, touching me, flirting with me.

"Tracy's barely been able to contain his powers as is."

"Yeah, the guy's a nuclear explosion waiting to go off, and I don't know about you, but I've had my fill of nuclear bombs this year?"

"But if we can cool him down, we can get him somewhere safe..." He trailed off, and I snapped out of my thoughts to realize it was because he was looking at me. "Laura." They all looked at me now and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"So...DeVoe's after Fallout?" I asked, walking over and standing with them. "Have you thought about maybe using Snart's cold gun to cool him down?" Everyone stood in awkward silence for a second.

"I mean...I have a prototype, but to modify it to our needs? That would take at least a day."

"Well, didn't you guys have a Snart helping you on Earth-X?" I questioned. Barry's eyes widened in realization.

"Call Lyla, see if Argus has anything off the grid." Iris nodded and Barry looked at me.

"How are you?" He asked.

"It's been two days, Barry. How do you think I am?" I asked.

"You look presentable. That's already better than any of us would've been in your shoes." Cisco pointed out, trying to make a joke. "Is that..." I looked down at the silky,patterned shirt that was about four sizes too big for me. I had it tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans.

"Yes, Yeah, it's his."