Because I Had You

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Y/B/F/N = your best friend's name


Shawn and you had broken up a little over nine months ago before he went on his 2019 tour, and it hadn't ended well. There was shouting and crying, and you had gotten a lot of hate from the fans. But the one thing that they didn't know was Shawn was the one that had called it off -- not you. You were miserable, but you've tried to move on -- going on a date your best friend had set you up with her buddy from your hometown's community college.

His name was Tyler, and you two had only gone on three dates -- not very serious. You want to break it off, but you felt as if you needed this -- especially since Shawn had moved on.

Shawn was spotted with a girl, walking around during the break of his tour in the month of May -- when he planned on coming home to you before you broke up.

Her identity is still a mystery. You don't bother checking; it's too upsetting.

He seemed happy, however, and your family and friends had hated seeing you miserable, sulking in your apartment in Los Angeles, where you and Shawn used to live together. You didn't shower for days at a time; refused to speak to anyone, even your best friend from high school; and hardly ate.

You had grown very ill -- thin and pale.

Then your best friend had used her key to your apartment and gotten you going after a month and a half later, shortly before you saw the tweets and Instagram pictures of Shawn and his new lover.

After you found out - when your best friend found out - it was time to start life over. Y/B/F/N had gotten rid of everything that Shawn had left. For two months, Y/B/F/N had taken you out to bars and clubs in high hopes to find a guy, but no such luck.

After another month and a half after failing to find you a new lover like Shawn had, Y/B/F/N had introduced you to Tyler.

Two weeks later, and after those three dates, you were still missing Shawn.

You were wearing one of Shawn's sweatshirts that you hid in your drawer of clothes, and you were on the couch, staring at your phone on the coffee table four feet away. You were waiting for anything to get your mind off of Shawn: a message from your siblings, Y/B/F/N to text to say she's in town, any other friends asking you to go out with them, or even hell, a message from Tyler.

It lit up.

But it was from a video you were tagged in on Twitter.

It was from the thousands of followers you gained while dating Shawn.

It was a video of Shawn.

Initially, it stung, but you were curious why you were tagged with the caption: "Y/N, he's singing about you!"

You press play, and it was Shawn crying while singing Because I Had you -- only a snippet.

"I think it's time that I be honest. Should've told you not to go. Thought I knew just what I wanted. I didn't know myself at all." Shawn's voice was crackling, and he was sniffling. "Take her to all the places that I took us to. And she might help me forget, but loving her is something I could never do. Because I had. Because I had you."

Your eyes had swelled with tears, and your heart had stung. Hearing his voice reminded you of all the times he sang to you, and all the times he had told you he loved you. Memories resurfaced of the winter and fall seasons you had spent together up in Canada and the United States -switch back and forth before Shawn moved to Los Angeles with you: snowball fights, hot chocolate and Harry Potter marathons, Thanksgivings with your and Shawn's families (different months though. Two different Thanksgivings), Christmas with both families, and finally, the best present you'd ever gotten - a promise ring. A promise ring to promise an arrival of another ring to be placed on your ring finger when the timing was perfect.

"Hey, remember when I told you. That you and I, we'd go down in history together, yeah. And does your sister ask about me? You and I, what we had, is it gone forever?" Shawn pauses and whispers something so quietly, you had to replay it and turn your volume up all the way to listen.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. Please forgive me."

Soon enough, the streams of tears had soaked your favorite sweatshirt of Shawn's, and you call Shawn, seeing that he was singing this live on Instagram ten minutes ago.

"Y/N," Shawn cried. You can tell he was as miserable as you. "Look, I'm so sorry. I know you probably moved on, but I gotta say this -"

"Shawn, please -" You interrupt.

"No, look Y/N, I still love you," Shawn says quietly.

"I love you too, Shawn."

"You do?"

"Yes," you answer.

"Will you give me a second chance," Shawn asks while crying.

"Of course."

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