Change My Mind

Chapter 52 - All Over Again

Ed remains in his spot but he’s looking over at us.

I look back at Lily and clear my throat.

“Um, Ivana had to go home…and I was wondering if you wanted to do something. I know that we were supposed to hang out today, just the two of us so…I thought that we could do something.”

My voice sounds strained. I clear my throat again but I keep my mouth shut and wait for her response.

She’s still looking at me with slight confusion and I think she’s about to tell me that she can’t, that she’s hanging out with Ed but then a smile erupts on her face and her eyes light up.

“Sure, I would love to. Um, what did you want to do?”

I bite my lip to tone down the smile that creeps on my face. “It doesn’t matter. What do you want to do?”

My smile falters and my heart drops when Lily looks behind her at Ed.

She turns back to me. “We can stay here and hang out, if you want.”

Of course she wants to stay here. She wants to stay here with Ed.

I force a smile on my face and shrug. “Sure…if you want.”

She looks at me carefully and I try to hide the disappointment and sadness in my eyes. I can feel her reading me, my expression, my body language.

“Or we can go out somewhere,” she suggests.

I don’t want to sound desperate and say ‘yes’ right away. I do, I really do. I just want it to be the two of us. I’ve been waiting for this day since she came back from Amsterdam, I’m entitled to be a little bit excited.

I shrug, attempting to seem neutral when, in reality, I’m excited as a freaking child on Christmas on the inside. “Yeah, sure.”

Her smile falters for a quick second and I mentally slap myself in the face, knowing that my passiveness threw her off. She recovers with a smile but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

I clear my throat and allow some of my excitement to show. “I mean, yes, that would be great.”

She just nods before she turns around and looks over at Ed. “Is that okay?” she asks him.

He nods as he smiles at her. “Yeah, of course. Do something about your hair though. It looks like shit right now.”

Lily just rolls her eyes with a grin on her face and takes a step to the side to stand in front of the mirror beside the door.

“And who’s fault was that?” she asks and Ed just chuckles in response.

I keep my eyes on her as she attempts to run her hands through her hair, fixing the mess made by…whatever they were doing before I knocked on the door. I see Ed appear behind her, looking at her through the reflection before he helps in fixing her hair. I bite my tongue and my jaw tenses as I watch them, unhappy with how natural and normal this is for the two of them to be doing. I want to push him away and take over. I want to be the one to touch her hair even though my reasoning is different from Ed’s, at least I hope it is.

I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding when Ed takes a step back when her hair is finally fixed. But, of course, Lily turns around and gives him a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, even though you insulted me before helping me.”

“Any time.”

Lily slaps him on his arm, sharing a laugh with him.

Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.

F*ck, why am I freaking out so much about this? Nothing is going on between them.