lost and found // calum hood

56 | Calum

You promised me you'd never hurt me

She left.

Ashton took her to the hospital to get her checked out, and she had a slight concussion. I felt so fucking bad. I never meant to hurt her. I was too drunk and got so fucking pissed when I saw Mitchy made a move on her.

Around 6 AM he texted me that Liz was asleep in his house and he would keep him updated, but the updates never came. So I took a cab to Ashton's house around 1 PM. I had to apologize to her. I needed to make sure that she wasn't scared of me, that this was all an accident.

I don't want her to think that I am just like her ex.

When I arrived at Ashton's house and he opened the door, I noticed something was off. His face was full of regret. "Where is she?" I could barely make out and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, I promised her I wouldn't call you. She left about two hours ago, they took a last minute flight to Boston," he said.

You promised me you'd never hurt me

"Liz, I swear to fucking god..." I weakly muttered into my phone, my eyebrows scrunched and body tense as I sat with my elbows on my knees in the corner of the room. For days, I'd been like this; antsy and snappy because Liz hadn't been answering any of my calls or texts.

"Cal..." Ashton coaxed, the drummer approaching me with caution like I was a wounded animal that might attack at any point just for the sake of trying to protect itself. "We've gotta start the interview, man."

I grunted, standing up and shoving my phone into his pocket forcefully. Following Ashton over to the worn leather couch on the other side of the room, I sucked in deep breathes to calm my racing heart, trying (in vain) to unclench my fists to appear as neutral as possible. Though I barely spoke a word during the entire line of questioning, I had at least done a good job of nodding along to what the other boys were saying and laughing if they made a funny comment.

When we were finally released, I was off and, desperately, tried her phone again and had to bite my lip to keep it from trembling to stop a flood of tears from slipping out when it was sent directly to voicemail - again.

"Hey," I croaked into the receiver, clearing my voice once I heard how weak it sounded, "Um, I know this is like– the thirtieth message or something, but like, just call me back– or text me. Just–" I hiccuped, "Let me know if you're okay? I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be but just... please tell me that you're okay and not lying in a ditch somewhere." I fiddled with a loose string on my jeans before sighing. "I love you, okay? I can't lose you." I gulped, my throat dry. "I need you."

You promised me you'd never hurt me.

"FUCK!" I yelled as once again I fucked up the damn song we were trying to record. I fucking hated life. I threw my bass on the ground and walked straight out of the studio. I needed a smoke.

Or ten.

Ashton followed me outside, sitting down next to me on the concrete. "She just needs time, mate," he said, wrapping an around my shoulder. "She hates me," I told him. "She thinks I'm just like her fucking abusive ex."

"What?" he said, frowning. "Her ex is a psychopath who hit her with a baseball bat and she had to go to the hospital after it happened. I fucking threw her against a counter and gave her a damn concussion." Tears forming in my eyes again. I hated myself. If I just didn't get that drunk, or if I wasn't so damn jealous, nothing of this would've happened. "I told her I would never hurt her and now I'm just like her ex."

"Calum, listen to me. It was an accident. You were drunk and you pushed her too hard by accident. And no, it's not okay that she got hurt but it happened, you didn't mean it. You didn't hit her with a baseball bat and you are in no way abusive. Don't beat yourself down like that." Ashton said. "She might just need time. She has Amy. She is going to be just fine."

"But I need her," I whispered.

You promised me you'd never hurt me.

Promise me one thing: when you're feeling tired, look up at the night sky and remember that without the stars we'd have an empty sky. You make my world feel a lot less empty.

I stared at the message I typed for a while before I pressed send, followed by a video I recorded some time ago of me singing a cover of one of her favorites songs. Nothing really matters by Mr. Propz. I was going to send it to her on her birthday that's coming up next month, but I thought now was a good time.

She was ignoring all my messages and I missed her so goddamn much. I turned around in the bed. The daylight was too bright because she wasn't there to face it with me. I curled up on my seat and smelled the shirt that still smelled like her and I was not okay. I would never be okay.