You Stole My Heart With Your Diamond Blue Eyes (Kellic)

Chapter 33

“Oh.” I said simply in a small, scared voice. Scared for Vic, for his parents. Scared for his future, scared for Tony and Jaime. Scared for myself, because I don’t know if I could get along without him if what they’re saying is actually true.

“We’re so sorry Kell.” Tony said, I could hear it in his voice – that he was sorry, that they both were – but I was in such a dark morbid place at the moment that I barley heard them. I sat down on the floor and put my head in my hands.

I thought of Vic, and all of the memories we had made. I thought what it would be like not seeing him for a while. I thought of him never waking up again, too. It was all so overwhelming that I could do was cry. I let my shoulders shake up and down and my breathing become uneven. Only now I didn’t have Vic here next to me to comfort me, he was lying on a hospital bed probably trapped in this dark place where he could only hear his own screams that beg for release. The thought of Vic being in that positon alone made me feel like the worst human being ever.

“This is my fault.” I said through shallow breaths.

“Don’t do that to yourself. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was an accident.”

I shook my head, not believing anything he just told me. I was set on believing this was all my fault, and I’ll never forgive myself.

 The next day was terrifying, and even more terrifying when I was walking up to the hospital doors with Tony and Jaime. The lady at the desk said that he was floor seven, room one-twenty, and so that’s where we were right now. I counted off the numbers of the rooms, each one getting closer to Vic’s than the last. The closer I got, the closer I came to turning around and running out, because of the fear that what Tony and Jaime said was actually true. But I kept going. For Vic.

“One-eighteen, one-nineteen.. One-twenty.” I said, stopping right before the door so I couldn’t see in it just yet. I walked in slowly, one foot after the other. Careful, practiced a million times, but still difficult to do at the moment.

When I rounded the corner, I saw one of two things first. My beautiful boyfriend lying the bed, either sleeping or in a coma, and his parents. They were sitting to the side of his bed talking to each other quietly, and I believed for a moment that everything might be okay, but when I saw Vivian wipe her tear away, I knew that it was true.

Vic was in a coma.

I let myself fall to the floor simply because I didn’t have the strength anymore to hold myself up. The rug has been pull up from underneath of me and I couldn’t do anything but sit and watch my whole world lie there on a bed unconscious and helpless. 

I let out a loud sob, then a scream that would sound like it came from a lady who just discovered her child died. But I swear to God this is just as worse. I couldn’t breathe, nor could I see or even hear. I just kept screaming “No, no, no,” desperately like that would change the situation. But it didn’t, nothing could ever change what has happened.

I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders rubbing me affectionately, trying to get me to calm down but I couldn’t. I cried uncontrollably there on the hospital floor next to where the love of my life was, sleeping forever. I couldn’t even get myself up so I could be next to Vic, so I could hold him or do something. I couldn’t do anything but cry and hope that this was all a horrible dream.

But as time proved to show it wasn’t a dream, but in fact this reality that quickly turned into a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. I didn’t want to believe it was true, but what other choice did I have? I just felt completely hopeless, like he might never wake up and whenever he did it would be way too long for me to handle. It’s pretty pathetic, but in these past few months I’ve become so attached that I can’t be without him, let alone live without him.

I slowly got up, regaining strength for just a moment, I look around the room and I saw everyone in tears as well, not as bad as mine, but still.

Walking up to Vic and seeing him, lying there, he looked dead. He didn’t look like he was sleeping, he was still, his breaths were shallow, not the way they should be. I grabbed his hand in mine. It was cold, not like they usually are. I laced our fingers, like we have so many times before. But only this time when I squeezed, he didn’t squeeze back. I knew it was officially over.

Seeming to have no other choice, my body collapsed onto Vic, still standing, but then my head buried into his chest. My body heaved, like it was feeling the effects of not having Vic here. I mumbled into his hospital gown, things like “I’m so sorry,” and “please wake up,” but he still stayed in his incoherent state.

I finally pulled myself away from him and wiped away my eyes, turning around to look at the others. “How long?”

“We don’t know sweetie. I’m so sorry.” His mother stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t be, it’s not anyone’s fault but mine.” I said bitterly, mad at myself for letting this happen to Vic.

“Please don’t blame this on yourself son, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. We’re not blaming you. Please don’t beat yourself up, it’s only going to make this whole experience harder.” Victor said, but it’s not like it made me feel any better or believe differently.

There was a short silence where no one talked or said anything, but instead stared off into space. In their own little worlds, thinking about probably the most morbid things. It was a grieving moment, for Vic, and for ourselves too.

“So what now?” I said softly.

“We wait.” Someone responded, but I never looked away from Vic to see who exactly it was.

And wait I did. I waited and waited, for what seemed like an eternity. An eternity that would never end and would never get any less painful. But I prevailed, for Vic. For the memories put on hold, and for the promise to never leave one another behind.

He was my forever, and if I had to wait forever for him, then goddammit I would.