Chapter 24

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hello lovies I hope you’re having a lovely day today and I hope you enjoy the update ((sorry for breaking your guys’ hearts last time)) 

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[Kellin’s POV]

It’s been about two days since the fight and at this point I’m having mixed feelings about all this. Part of me is still pissed off at Vic for being such a douchebag and comparing me to Jeremey like that, and another part of me wants to run to him and forgive him.

He’s tried apologizing, but I only turned him away. It’s like every time I saw his face I just get mad all over again. The thing that made me so mad is that he compared me to Jeremy so easily, he didn’t have a problem with calling me all those horrible things and saying them. It made me wonder what would happen the next time we fight, if there is a next time that is. But then again, as soon as he leaves I regret it and I want him back. I miss him that’s for sure.

I just think that it’s sort of ridiculous that I went through all this trouble to get into a relationship with him, and when we have one fight the whole thing is over. It’s stupid and it makes me feel angry that a perfectly good relationship that made me happy has now ended after like a week.

Oh, and about being happy, that’s kind of impossible to achieve. I’ve been so down in the dumps lately, and if to make matters worse, I relapsed last night when Vic was out with Tony and Jaime. I don’t know why, but a wave of sadness and confusion came crashing down on me and I wanted Vic, but when I realized I couldn’t have him, I lost it. I was crying out of frustration and sadness, I mean how I could I feel so much anger and remorse at the same time for one person? It doesn’t make any sense and it’s so frustrating to me.

I thought all of this on my way to the cliff, I had just gotten out of the shower and I just wanted to relax. It’s surprising to me that I could use that as a place of relaxation after everything that’s happened there. I tried to kill myself. That sentence gives me chills every time I think about it. I hate that I ever tried to do that. Sometimes I’ll be sitting up there looking out over the ocean and I’ll have a flashback back to that day. I hate when that happens too, it’s like a wave of emotions comes and smacks you in the face and you feel everything you felt that day at the exact moment. I’ve had to stop myself from crying multiple times when they happen. That’s why I like going to the rock, it’s closer to the ocean and I don’t have a perfect view of where I almost died.

Some good came out of that day though, Vic and I got a lot closer that day. Even though back then I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, looking back on it I’m glad he found me.

And here we are talking about Vic again.

This has basically been my thinking process the past two days, and it’s getting to be pretty pathetic if you ask me. I need to make up my mind with what I want. I do I want to forgive Vic, or stay mad at him? That’s the real question. But when I rounded the corner of the entrance way to the cliff that decision got a little but easier.

There was Vic, sitting there on the same blanket and picnic basket from when we had our picnic that one day a while back. I almost smiled at the memory, but I had to keep my facade by Vic, because once again, as soon as I looked at him I got pissed all over again.

“Before you leave or storm off, just hear me out. Please?” Vic asked, while cautiously getting up and walk over to me.

“Fine, then talk.” I agreed, because in all honesty I wanted to hear what he had to say. He had never approached me like this, so I was curious as to what he was going to say this time.

“Listen I know I was wrong, I’m willing to admit that. What I said and how I assumed like that was completely out of line and I’m so, so sorry for saying those things to you. I didn’t mean the things I said, I was mad, and like usual I didn’t shut my loud mouth, and I’m sorry I really am. Kells, I don’t know how to explain it, but you make me feel something that Jeremy never could do. I don’t know what it is, but it’s something special. You’re something special, and you mean so much to me. I hate to say it, but I need you. You make me feel radiant, happier than I’ve felt in years. Words can’s explain the things you do to me sometimes. I love what we have, and I’m on my way to loving you as well, I don’t want to throw this all away just because of one little stupid fight we had. The only thing I’m asking for here is a second chance. I know I don’t deserve it, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to give me one, but please? I’m so miserable without you, and I just want to be able to have you in my arms again and to be able to call you mine. Please Kells, I promise you won’t regret it.” Vic finished, leaving me speechless.

I couldn’t say anything, I was frozen in shock. Never in a million years did I known that I meant that much to him, and so it didn’t surprise me when I found myself shaking my head ‘yes’ and running towards him, allowing myself to jump in his arms, where I belong.

“I’ve missed you so much.” I said into his shoulder, because it was true. I missed the feeling of being in his arms and being close to him. He made me feel like I was safe, and I loved that.

“The feelings mutual, trust me.” He said, which made butterflies erupt in my stomach. He missed me. There’s just something about that sentence that makes me smile.

We pulled away and laced our fingers together, and while walking over to the blanket I marveled at the way our hands fit together perfectly. It was like we were made for each other, as cheesy as that sounds.

“I hope subway is okay, I kinda wanted it to be just like last time.” He admitted shyly, he’s so cute.

“No it’s perfect. This is perfect, you’re perfect.” I said without meaning to, I just couldn’t help myself though. He really was perfect in my eyes. Everything about him, from the curve of his toes to the roots of his hair. When you like someone this much all flaws are perfect flaws, and I never really understood how that was possible until now.

“Would you believe me if I told you, you were more perfect?” He said back, making me blush. It’s ridiculous the effect he has on me. At this point all resent and anger was gone, all I felt was this certain closeness with him that I hadn’t felt before. It was weird, but I liked it.

“Not even a chance.” I closed the discussion with leaning in for a kiss. And just like before all I felt was fireworks. You have no idea how much I love kissing this man, I could do it all day. The way our lips moved perfectly in sync together drives me wild, into a frenzy almost, and I can’t get enough of it.

The kiss was getting pretty intense and I’m sure it would’ve turned into something more, if we didn’t have food to eat. When the kiss finally ended, Vic picked up my veggie sub and handed it to me out of the basket. I looked at it with hesitation, but I was determined to not let my disorder get in the way of this nice time we’re having together. He went through all this trouble and I wasn’t about to ruin everything he put together for me.

“How’d you even know I was going to come here?” I asked, making conversation.

“Kells, I know you like the back of my hand. You always come here to think or when you’re upset, and I figured you were one of the two. I was right wasn’t I?” He responded.

“Maybe, but I don’t want to talk about it. It’s in the past now.” I said, and I think he got what I meant because he dropped the conversation.

The rest of our time was spent talking and throwing food at each other, just like last time. It’s the times like these when I realize just how much I missed Vic’s company and how much I like having him around.

When we were done with our picnic, we packed up and headed back to the room.

“Alright it’s your call, what do you want to do?” Vic asked once we got back from our picnic.

“Well, considering how much I missed you, I kinda just wanna cuddle with you.” I admitted, turning away after so he didn’t see me blush.

Vic came up behind me and squeezed my waist, hugging it and kissing my ear. “You’re adorable.” He whispered, then took my hand and led me over to the bed. He grabbed the laptop and turned on one of our favorite movies, Wayne’s World.

We cuddled up to each other and got comfortable, my head on his chest as he wrapped a protective arm around my frame, keeping me close to him. It was perfect, simply perfect. These are the moments I love and cherish, the moments where we can be close and not have to say anything, just enjoying each other’s company while waiting for the movie to start. My boyfriend brought my head to his lips and gave it a quick kiss, just another act of affection that made me fall deeper and deeper for him. It wasn’t long before I fell in love with him.

And the best part about that is that I didn’t mind the thought anymore.

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