A Modern Love

Lost

Lost

Crushed. Broken. Unhinged. Defeated. Daryl doesn't know which word describes him best right now. Walking around the hospital, he feels dead inside. This is almost as bad as the night they lost the baby. Did she really not love him? But how? It's as if nothing they went through mattered to her. As if him being there for her was a terrible thing to do. In the elevator he hits the third floor button.

Why does God hate him? Why does He want Daryl to fail? All Daryl wants is Beth. All Daryl needs to be happy is Beth. So why doesn't she want him? what doesn't he need him to be happy. She was miserable too those two months apart. So why?

The door opens to the maternity floor. He sulks around and finds himself looking at all the babies. He'll never be a father. He'll never stand here and stare at his one son or daughter, wrapped tightly in their pink or blue blankets with his name on the front bin. Thy won't ever have her eyes and his hair. They'll never have his attitude and her patience. No. Daryl will never have a baby of his own. Even if he found another girl as special to him as Beth, he couldn't act upon it. He couldn't have a child with them. Couldn't pretend to be happy or to care. Without Beth, he wishes already that his time would end on Earth. At least he could see his mother again.

Staring at a baby girl in front of him, he wants to break into pieces. He should've been standing here, seeing his little girl, open an close her fists. Looking at him as if he was an alien. But alas, she ain't there. She'll never be there. His little girl never got a chance to be. He backs up and sits on a bench, watching the babies open and close their fists and sleep and cry and wriggle around in their blankets.

Down stairs, another thing has to be said.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Maggie bluntly says as Beth just stares at the ring in her hand. "Have you lost all sense in yer head? That man loves you! He LOVES you! And yer jus letting him leave like that? Yer jus sayin' nothing! Beth out of all the stupid times in yer life, you pick now to be one of them! He was perfect for you! He loves you and yer too stupid to realize it."

Hershel, Annette and Glenn just let Maggie go. They're feeling the same way, but they won't say it.

"Ya know, I get it. Yer still hurting from the baby." Beth looks up at Maggie, kinda pissed off an hurt that she'd bring up the dead child. "I know you have issues cause of it, but pushin' that man away who just wants to hold you and be there for you , that's assenine! Did you ever realize he's hurtin' too. Yer not the only one who lost that baby! He did too! And he lost you! Beth, there's a lot in this world for you to be angry and upset at, but that man, that man who has been for you more than anyone else, he is not a thing for you to take yer emotions out on! Honestly, you best be prayin' he still wants you, cause I certainly don't think there's another man out there who will want you the way you want to be wanted. No other man will replace him and you just better hope he take you back. Cause if he doesn't, I'm not even gonna feel sorry for you!"

Beth just sits there and let's everything sink in. She has been stupid and upset and angry, but with herself. She has been selfish and ignorant to his love. Now, she'll be surprised if he even talks to her.

After a few hours, her family leaves, Maggie still angry with her an Hershel just as disappointed. Beth just lay in bed, crying, praying an thinking about Daryl. She wouldn't take herself back either if she was him. She wouldn't say she loved her or hold her or even shed a tear or her. She would simply yell or walk away. She can't blame him for walking away. She can't hate him for it. She can't hate him at all. The truth is, Beth doesn't have the fight any more. She doesn't have the capability of fighting for herself or for what she wants. Her life took a whole different direction when she started dating Daryl.

Before, she was the victim, fought hard to believe that Zach and Jimmy were right for her. Fought hat to convince her family they were good. When Daryl came along, well, she didn't have to fight. She didn't have to convince anyone he was good. Daryl wasn't an abuser or a user or anything bad. He never hit, verbally abused, or emotionally attacked her. He was perfect an she didn't fight to keep him. She didn't fight to love him any more. She gave up.

That. That right there is the problem. She gave up. On him. On her. Their baby. Her family. Her friends. People in general, she gave up on. When you give up on people you love, you alway lose.

Beth. She lost. She lost bad.