"At the point where most people can't think straight let alone remember their own names out of their drunken stupor..."
"How come she can still clearly call out her name?"
Why can't it be me?
Why not me?
"Every single time and without even meaning t...
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"You still haven't forgiven me for leaving you before? You're holding yourself back. You're punishing me for hurting you." I watched her stack the plates where our leftovers laid. Biting her lip and clamping her jaw as she did.
Punishing?
"I am not," I whispered. "That's not true."
I could see the doubt in her eyes.
"Why act like this? Why did you even get back together with me?" She took the plates and dumped them on the sink. I wondered if they were still in one piece.
She's asking why...
I answered.
It was still the same.
"I love you!" I remained seated in my chair. I may not stand long enough if I tried to move up. I feel nauseated.
"Then why?" She walked back to where I sat and pierced me with questioning eyes.
Was that not good enough reason?
Was I at fault?
"We're going in circles. You just rest tonight. We could talk tomorrow." I could not keep sitting here as she questioned 'us'.
We should stop this line of questioning before we end up breaking. I stood and left the table.
Why go back?
I know why I did—the same reason why I stayed all these years.
Was that so hard to comprehend?
Have I not showed it in the years I stayed and kept 'us' together while she was bent on tearing us apart?
Something must have gone wrong along the way.
Maybe...
I gathered my things. It took time for me to locate my keys. With it finally, in my hand, I took my coat. Mechanically, I put one arm in the sleeve then the other. I was chilled.
"You're leaving?" She held me by arm, none too gently and pulled me to face her.
"I am leaving so that you could calm down. We're not making sense right now. Let's sort this out tomorrow." I told her.
"You're running away." Noticing me wince, she eased her hold on me.
"I am not," I told her for the second time.
"A smile used to lighten your face up whenever you see me, you know..." There she goes again. Looking anywhere but not in my eyes.
"It still does." Contrary to what she said, she makes everything bright. She's my light.
"No." She let go of my arm and took a step back. "You don't love me anymore."
