The Secrets Hidden Within The Dairies Of The Nations

Nightmares And Memories

Arthur glanced around in confusion as he walked through an empty hallway, it didn't look like any of the halls in the conference building but he couldn't be any where else. He paused outside of a door when he heard talking, he let out a breath of relief a he pushed the door open only to pause at what he saw. It was Francis and he was crying while Laura was trying to comfort him but it didn't seem to be working. 

"Francis?" He questioned as he moved closer to the duo, but it became apparent that they couldn't see or hear him. Arthur huffed when he realized this and decided to watch the vision or whatever it was. A frown appeared on his face when he noticed just how close Laura was to Francis. 

"I miss having him next to me Laura, there's this hollow feeling in my chest that just won't go away" Francis said through his tears and Laura just pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I know dear, but he's not worth your tears" She said softly causing Francis to slump into her arms tiredly. 

"Maybe I should forgive him" He said weakly and Laura was quick to shake her head. 

"No, Francis you shouldn't be the one apologizing" She said determinedly causing Francis to look up at her with a hopeless expression that just broke Arthur's heart, he wanted so badly to pull the Frenchman into a hug but not only was he not really there but the Frenchman was still mad at him for what he said. 

"But I miss him so much" Francis cried softly causing a frown to appear on the Belgian women's face. 

"I know, but you shouldn't be the one apologizing for his mistake" She said stubbornly which only made Francis frown sadly. 

"It wouldn't be the first time" He whispered softly causing an angry expression to briefly appear on Laura's face. 

"You deserve so much better Francis" She said seriously with an undertone that Arthur's couldn't place. When Francis looked back up to question her she leaned down and pulled the Frenchman into a kiss, surprising Francis and infuriating Arthur. 

"What the hell!" He shouted as he reached out to grab Laura, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't actually there, but just as his hand touched Laura's shoulder he was expelled out of the room and thrown into what looked like a washroom. 

He quickly turned towards the door and tried to open it, when it wouldn't budge he started pounding on it. His pounding completely blocked out the sound of someone throwing up. When it became apparent that the door would not budge he turned back around only to stumble back slightly when he saw Alfred was also in the room. He was standing in front of the mirror with an unreadable expression on his face, Arthur frowned when he noticed how pale the American was and how badly he was shaking. 

He walked over to him but right before he put his hand on his shoulder he remembered that he wasn't actually there so he quickly pulled his hand back and instead he just watched the American, though the more he watched the more concerned he got. Alfred's breathing was labored and he was muttering to himself, Arthur couldn't make head's or tales of most of it. 

"They're just concerned" 

"Their just mocking you, you idiot" 

"No, they just want me to get better" 

"Are you that stupid? They're probably laughing at you right now"

"They wouldn't do that"

"Of course they would, everyone else does" 

"Not Mattie, or Francis or Ar-"

"Arthur? He's the worst of them all!"

"No he's not" 

"He called you a whore in front of everyone!" 

Alfred went quiet after that and Arthur felt his stomach twist violently. He once again tried to touch Alfred's shoulder only to be expelled from the room once again. He ended up in the room connected to the bathroom, when he looked around he noticed that Matthew was in the room. He was sitting on his bed staring intently at something and when Arthur walked over to get a better look he saw that it was a bunch of old photos of himself, Matthew, Alfred and Francis. As he examined the photos Matthew picked one of them up. It showed the four of them sitting under a huge oak tree, Matthew was clinging to Kumajiro and Alfred had his pet rabbit snuggled up to his chest while he and Francis each had a brother snuggled into their side. They all looked so happy in the photo but Arthur could vividly remember what had happened only a few hours after the picture had been taken. 

He and Francis had ended up having another one of their fights, Francis had been the one to storm off so that he could cool down which unfortunately left the boys alone with him. He had just been so mad at the time so when Alfred had asked why he was so mean to Francis he had lashed out and struck the boy across the face, it had been the first time he had ever hit Alfred and regrettably not the last. The worst part? Alfred hadn't even cried. He didn't shout or make a scene, he had just stared numbly at the Brit for a while before walking away. Neither Francis or Matthew ever confronted him on the matter so he could only assume that Alfred had never told them, which at the time he was relieved about but now it just made him feel awful. 

Arthur shook his head to clear it and that's when he noticed Matthew's sullen expression had turned to one of anger as he made a move to rip the photo only to freeze when he heard the bathroom door unlock, he quickly scooped up the photos and shoved them under his bed as the bathroom door opened. And as it did Arthur was once again expelled from the room. 

This time however when he appeared in a room it was old looking to old be modern time, and as he looked around he noticed a younger Allistor, he was staring numbly down at a necklace that he was clenching tightly in his hands. As Arthur walked closer he realized his brother wasn't just staring at the necklace he was silently crying as well. Arthur couldn't really remember a time when his brother had cried like this or at all for that matter. Suddenly Allistor swung his fist around and smashed the vase that was next to him, as soon as the pieces hit the ground a maid quickly rushed into the room and began cleaning up the mess. 

"Why, why did he have to take her from me?" Allistor questioned brokenly as an actual sob escaped his lips shocking Arthur greatly, the maid looked up at him sadly before gently placing her hand on Allistor's knee. 

"It will be alright my Lord, Queen Mary will always live on in your heart" She said softly in a heavy Scottish accent. Arthur sucked in a sharp breath when he realized who exactly his brother was mourning, but before he could fully process what was happening he was once again expelled from the room. 

This time however Arthur didn't stop in one particular places, instead he just saw a bunch of flashes of things, those things consisted of:

Francis on his knee's sobbing as he clutched a rosary close to his heart.

Alfred sobbing as he desperately tried to stop a soldier from the revolutionary war from bleeding out from a gun shot wound.

Matthew staring at the burning White House with a guilty expression while Arthur stood next to him with a pleased expression on his own face, he didn't care about Matthew's feeling's he just wanted revenge on Alfred. 

Jett gritting his teeth with frustrated tears in his eyes as he crumpled another letter from Arthur stating that he was to busy to visit.

Leon tearing up as he leaned against a wall clutching his stuffed panda as Arthur and Yao screamed at each other in the next room.

Toby clutching his sheep close to his chest as he sadly watched a British ship sailing away from New Zealand, Arthur had been on said ship and would not be returning for a very long time. 

Michelle screaming and sobbing as Arthur dragged her away from an equally sobbing Francis. 

Peter crying while clutching an old photo of the two of them together as Tino and Berwald tried to comfort him.

Then finally he saw himself insulting and hurting his children, his brothers and Francis over and over and over again. 

It all ended when he bolted awake with a sob escaping his lips. He stared blankly at the wall as he struggled to catch his breath, slowly but surely he started to gain control of his breathing but that's when the tears began to fall. He was a horrible person, who didn't deserve the wonderful people in his life.