Modest Absolution - Book 5 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 26 - I hear the tremble in your voice

A/N – I have a big, BIG surprise coming up for you guys in the next couple of weeks. Only two readers know what it is. It's exciting, I promise. Love you guys. Enjoy!

I hear the tremble in your voice

Dakota wanted to scream, her hands were trembling along with her voice as she met the eyes of the man she loved and saw only disdain and sadness in return. She had been here before, seen the look in his eyes as he worked up the courage to break her heart. It was Louis, she didn’t know how but she damn well knew why… Louis hated her. For many reasons, some were warranted and some she didn’t think she deserved but the point was, he had used Niall as a pawn in his revenge game. 

So now, Niall was standing inches from her trying not to cry, trying to convince himself and her that he didn’t love her. That she was worthless and that she was nothing, why? Because she had fucked up too many times and hurt Louis along the way. Yes she shouldn’t be at this wedding but for some unknown and blessed reason Harry loved her, she would always be grateful for that. 

So she looked beyond Niall at Harry with his curly hair tucked into a red bandana as he ordered her a new coffee, she saw the scowl on Louis’ face, as if he had front row seats to her breakdown and shook her head. 

“Dakota?” Niall said again, clearing his throat, “I need to talk to you.”

“No you don’t,” she whimpered. “Please, you don’t have to do this.”

“Listen,” he hissed and stepped closer. “I need you to fucking listen.”

She stood up, shaking her head. “Niall I–“

“Listen,” his voice was croaky. “Just shut up for two seconds Dakota, Jesus Christ!” He ran a hand through his hair, trying to keep his temper in control. “Please?”

She looked past him at Louis who was watching them intently, as if he knew what was going to happen. She watched as he rested his back against the wall and blew on the coffee in his small hands, a knowing glint in his eye. Dakota raised her hands to step back, heart pounding in her chest. 

“Dakota,” Niall said again, sternly. 

She shuddered when he said her name, just like before. 

"Niall–" she wanted him to stop, wanted to scream how could this be happening? Didn’t they know what would come next? She did and she was terrified. 

He raised a hand, "Let me speak, let me get this out."

Just like before, just like before. She shook her head, “No, don’t you don’t need to–“

"I can't give you what you want." He said, frowning at her sudden determination to get the hell away from him.

She groaned a hand on her forehead, no, not again. He was going to break her again, just like he had hours before it had all gone terribly wrong. She stepped back but her body pressed against the glass and there was no escaping. Niall was looking at her with his puppy dog eyes, tears glistening in the piercing blue and hands in his pockets as he tried to keep strong, keep calm. She couldn’t hear it, not again. I have to get away. 

Then he started talking, again. “I can’t give you what you want.”

She froze, eyes on him. Not again. No. Sh e shook her head, “You don’t know what I want.” It shocked her, to the very core that she said the same thing as before, as if she was in auto pilot.

He flinched, “I can’t love you.”

She sucked in a breath, “Really you don’t have to say this I know you don’t–“

“I was stupid,” He said, ignoring her. 

She met his eyes, transfixed on how beautiful he was and she wished he would stop. Wished he would stop hurting her and just admit how he felt. But it was happening just like before, he was saying the same things, the same pained expression on his face and her heart was breaking.

All over again. “I love you, Niall,” she whispered because it was true, she did love him. She had seen death and now she wasn’t afraid to tell him the truth.

“Funny way of showing it,” he spat the words, not meeting her eyes. 

“Niall, don’t do this.”

“It was a mistake.”

She felt a tear cold as ice run down her face. “No.”

“No one can–“

She finished his sentence for him, leaving him stunned and her heart racing. “Can love a person like me, I know but Niall you have to listen to me–“ She was stepping forward, terror setting in as she tried to make him see reason. She was confused and frightened but he had to understand if he did this, if he said these things then they would all die and she had to stop him. How.

“You deserve nothing,” he hissed, ignoring the fact she had finished his sentence. 

She reached for him but he pulled away, “Don’t touch me,” he spat. 

“I deserve that,” she nodded even though she wished he would stop hurting himself and breaking her. 

Tears rolling down her face, pure terror pumping through her blood as she experienced the most painful and vivid deja vu. She had to get away from him, she pushed past him desperate to ignore the next beating of words. If he said it, again, she would break. 

“I wish,” he began, sucking in a long breath, as if finding the strength for what came next. 

No.

She began to run, shaking her head and hands over her ears but he shouted it anyway. 

Then Niall said ten words that would ruin her forever.

Again.

"I wish it were you that died, instead of Daisy." He turned on his heel, tears like track marks down his face as he glared at her. 

She sobbed, struggling to keep her body upright as she broke cleanly in two, again. She pushed past Porter who was sitting with Liam and Zayn, Jennifer called out her name but she said nothing. Harry shouted at Niall, “What the fuck?”

Louis was laughing, it rolled through her mind, menacing. You win Louis Tomlinson, again. 

She slammed her hands on the bathroom door, heaving and sobbing as she fell through the door and when it slammed behind her she clicked the lock. I need to be alone, she looked around the small room, green tiles on the floor were sticky and wet. Mud from shoes and condensation slick on the walls, she walked to the basin and clutched it tightly. Niall’s words stabbed her, the worst part was… she was living through hell again. Is this hell? 

If she had to spend eternity facing heartache and death again and again she would go insane.

“Maybe,” she sobbed as she turned on the tap and put her hands under the warm water. The light flickered overhead and Jennifer was hammering on the door. “Maybe I need to tell them that I know what–“ 

“They won’t believe you,” A voice called from behind. A voice she had known her whole life sent a shiver colder than ice down her spine.

She stopped, heart racing and suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. How?