Modest Absolution - Book 5 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 21 - Slow down

Harry was sitting with an arm around Niall, the security guard was puffing on a cigarette as he stared aimlessly at the road ahead. They were waiting for police back up, the driver was sitting on the soft grass, dirt road under his feet as he stared at a bottle of water in his hands. He scrunched the plastic bottle nervously, as if he were wringing out a wet cloth. Liam leant against the car, he said nothing because he was completely numb. Realistically he knew either Jen or the baby, or worse, both had died in that horrific accident.

The son he would never know screamed in his soul like a horrific ghost, lingered on the edges of his mind but never in reach. Liam ached to take it all back. To marry her the second he had the chance, to tell them he couldn't come to the wedding or at least be in that car with her. If she died, she would take him with her. He sucked in a gasping breath, hiccuping as tears fell onto his white shirt. I'm so sorry Jennifer.

The pillar of black smoke twisting into the skyline was burned into his brain. The thought of losing Jennifer was tattooed on his heart like a knife. He was shuddering, each limb unable to still as his nerves got the better of him. Mouth dry and mind running a million miles an hour, shock pumped in his veins like blood. Liam had never felt more alone, more afraid in his entire life. It was as if they had just reunited, as if he was finally with Jennifer and all the waiting for their little boy was now at a unwelcome end.

Liam felt tears roll down his cheeks, he didn't wipe them away as he cried. The heat pounding down on his body, sweat rippling across his skin. Harry spoke to him but Liam didn't react, the world around him was muffled and irrelevant. Liam had resigned himself to feeling little hope, to save for greater pain in the future.

The driver was on the phone, Harry and Niall in the car, silent and Liam had an idea. No, don't. But his body was moving, a numb silence droned in his ears as he slipped into the driver's seat and revved the engine. The security guard launched in front of the van, waving his hands and Liam smirked as he locked the doors.

Then Harry stood up, shouting, "Liam, wait!" His calls fell on deaf ears as Liam slammed the car into reverse.

Suddenly they were ploughing down the empty road towards the smoke. The pillar of black, tar-like smoke rose up from the ground like a spewing volcano. His vision was blurred by tears, his hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel, knuckles white with tension. He laughed manically as they sped towards the other van.

Niall was still silent, Harry turned to him, "Hey, they'll be okay."

Niall was pale, he had beads of sweat on his face and his eyes red raw from crying. The only words that slipped from his mouth were broken sobs mixed with apologies and Dakota's name, always Dakota's name.

"Liam, I don't think we should-" Harry began, he was trying to keep his shaking voice low, he didn't want to upset Niall more by screaming.

"What?" Liam snarled, turning around to momentarily glare at Harry. He suddenly looked so fragile and small, they all did. "Go save them?"

"You heard what the guy said, we have no chance they'll kill us!" His emerald eyes were wide with fear, with that same resignation that the ones they loved were dead. "I can't go see him like that-"

Liam flinched, Harry was right. Would finding their friends and lovers' dead really help anything?

Niall's head snapped up and he was looking at Harry, he gripped Harry's hand almost clawing at him. Liam saw, in the rearview mirror that Niall hadn't really toyed with the very real possibility of their friend's being dead. Charred black from the fire, shot down in cold blood or killed on impact of the car flipping on the tarmac. Niall, unlike the boys had jus shut down, unable to comprehend the terrifying reality of a life without them.

"Like what?" He shuddered, "Like Logan?" Then Harry shook his head, but Niall saw the truth in his eyes and let out a loud wail. Face in his hands as he screamed, the sound was tormented as he shook his head. "No," He gasped. "I can't," He turned to Harry, "I..." he shook his head again wildly, "I can't see them like..." He sobbed, "No, they don't look like they're sleeping and-" He grabbed Harry's shoulders, shaking him violently as he began to panic, Liam watched his best friend begin to completely melt down as they sped down the highway. "I can't Harry don't make me I-"

Harry swiped at his own eyes then yanked Niall into a hug he didn't want, he said nothing as he rocked Niall back and forth. All he said, in a soft, calming voice was "I'm here," over and over again.

Liam blocked out Harry's shouts, the sound of Niall crying and even his own thoughts as they edged over the hill and the totalled van came into view. If he thought of Jennifer dead, he would be violently sick so he concentrated on getting to the car. She'll be okay, she'd never leave me, would she?

Then his heart was in his throat and he had to swallow the bile that rose as he saw the car, the bonnet of the white van crushed and flickering with flames. The side turned over onto a fence and, as he stopped the car in front of the van he could see the windows smashed.

"God!" Harry said, then he covered his mouth with his hand.

Niall began to scream, he stood up and lost all sense of reason or control. Harry looked at Liam, unsure of what to do and then he was shouting at Niall, apologising.

"I'm sorry," He said as he raised his fist and hit Niall as hard as he could in the side of the face.

Niall's eyes went wide and then they rolled into the back of his head, his body crumbling into the seat. Silent.

"Fuck," Liam groaned looking at Niall, now motionless.

"I had to," Harry said as he winced at his fist.

Then Liam was fighting against his seatbelt and he was out of the car, he forgot about Harry and ran as fast as he could. Liam rounded the front of the van and his knee's connected with a thud to the pavement. He heard nothing, he felt nothing when he saw Porter staring back at him with blank eyes.

Harry ran past Liam who was staring, feet away from Porter and it was as if he had been violently ripped from his life and propelled immediately into hell. Porter was still, his eyes looked almost white and his lips a pale blue.

Harry was in the car yanking at Porter's seatbelt, his hands frantically running along his blood covered neck for a pulse, he was screaming at Liam to help him.

But Liam couldn't move, he was frozen. His best friend was dead. The last time he spoke to Porter it was with disdain and hate, he would never have the chance to-

Tears, like diamonds fell from his eyes and all the pain and fear he felt for Jennifer and their baby exploded from his chest.

Harry was crying as his slender fingers fumbled along the thick, wooden pole. There was nothing he could do but he tried to help his friend as his hands were now covered in blood. Porter's head lolled as Harry held him tightly, crying.

Then Niall ran past Liam and despite his complete panic grabbed Harry tightly and pulled him away from Porter, his face winced when he saw Porter's lifeless eyes. Liam wished he could take away the image of Porter, dead from them all but it was something he would have to live with forever. Liam said nothing, his hands collided with the gravel and then his face, he was on his side shuddering and crying.

Niall was pulling Harry away, holding him tightly as they fell back out of the car and holding Harry as he finally broke in two.

Sirens wailed behind them, Liam closed his eyes as his tears dripped onto the hot road. Please Jennifer, please... he screamed her name as his heart broke. Porter was dead and Jennifer was gone...