Isla Verde #5: All Sweet Nothings

Phase 26

Sorry. Shifting sucks. Try writing this again. Thank you for reading. :)

Phase 26

Nang maihatid ako sa mansyon ng driver ni Lola Evangeline ay hindi na ako mapakali, kahit anong pigil ko sa sariling huwag isipin ang narinig sa banyo ay hindi ko magawa. My mind was too occupied by it. I want to take it positively without hurting myself but still it ends up stabbing me right inside my chest that hurts bad.

We cannot avoid pain even accepting it open arms, even how much we think it will end eventually. Nasa reyalidad ako, I don't wanna conclude anything hurtful but I know it's nonsense now. I'm badly hurt.

Nakatulog akong nasa kamay ang aking cellphone, paulit-ulit kong binabasa ang palitan ng mensahe namin at wala akong makitang katiting na mayroon siyang iba o anuman. I mean, he was very sweet and caring... and pure that I don't want to mention about what I heard that night so I let it passed for days.

Nakauwi si Minther na hindi ko binabanggit iyon at maniwala man sa hindi ay halos makalimutan ko na iyon noong oras na muli akong makatanggap ng halik at yakap mula sa kanya. I know, I'm this crazy over him. He has a power to rule my heart and mind, he's a damn perfect deep well I couldn't get off.

Huminga ako ng malalim, tahimik at maingat. Ang mga kamay ko ay nasa kanyang batok, he was sleeping soundly in between my arms. Our faces were too closed that I can't do anything but watch him in front of me as I opened my eyes, how great my 12 midnight to wake up cuddling with him. We fell asleep while watching a movie in his room.

I had a dream, he left me alone in a hiemal dark place I don't know where and I cried silently while looking at his wide back, walking away from me until murkiness devoured him on that frigid place. I was so scared, frozen and hurt, I closed my eyes with tears pouring down, wishing it wasn't real... then reality waved me up, and become concious of entity.

That was a dream. This is the truth.

I was greeted by my husband's face, maingat kong inilapat ang aking palad sa kanyang pisngi at hinaplos iyon. Walang pagbabago ang kalabog ng puso ko pero kalmado na ito, hindi gaya sa aking panaginip na ramdam ko ang pag-iisa at kalungkutan.

Noong una, hindi ko pinangarap na magkaroon ng asawa sa aking maagang edad. Hindi ko kailanman iyon nagustuhan dahil marami pa akong pangarap. I want to go to places, travel with my cousins, make friends and study more.

Ayaw kong mag-asawa noon at kahit magnobyo ay hindi ko naisip, lalo na noong  pakawalan ko sa aking isip na si Clay ay para sa pagkakaibigan lamang.

And now, I'm here, married to this Legaspi man I never expected to be my husband. I had only seen him at school, kahit noon kapag may family gatherings ay hindi siya sumasama. Tanging kapatid niya lamang ang nakikita ko sa ganoong gathering, kung madalas ko man siyang nakikita ay tuwing lumalabas lang ng counseling office.

He was a bad boy, bad student with many bullying and street fights record inside and outside the school, that's why I never liked him even he has countless of admirers and etcetera. Nang malaman kong siya ang magiging asawa ay mas lalo akong nawalan ng amor sa pagpapakasal.

Kailan ko nga ba nalaman na sa kanya ako ipinagkasundo noon? Matagal na ngunit hindi ko inaasahan na iyon ay biglaang mauuwi sa kasalan sa taong iyon din. I was so shocked, confused and hurt because of the sudden marriage I've been at this age.

Marami kaming hindi pagkakasundo, marami kaming issues sa isa't isa noong una at hindi ko ito kailanman nakita na makakatabi ko siya at makakasundo sa mga simpleng bagay habang dumaraan ang mga araw sa pagitan namin. I don't know, I'm not sure how did he make me feel this comfortable and very addicted to him.