The Silent Ninja : Naruto

Chapter 3: Recollection

Ryu's POV
After flying away from Sakura for a few hours I decide that it's time to land. I told Gin to look for a good spot, and soon we found a nice clearing in the woods. I found a nice rock to sit on, as I collect my thoughts and think back on my troubled past.

This chapter can be seen as filler, as it will have little to due with plot progression. In hopes of curing my writer's block I have reread the story and compiled a list of all plot holes. Instead of rewriting the story I'm just going to fix things here. It is important to read this chapter anyways, as it will clarify a lot of things for future chapters.
     Book 1:
-     Iruka's personality.
While rereading the first story I realized that Iruka was horribly written. Seeing how he should have already had his moment with Naruto, his attitude towards him makes no sense.
-     Aiko
I was tempted to write this one later, due to Aiko being the 2nd main character, but most of her inconsistencies are apparent in Book 1 so I'll address them now. First off is her personality. As some of you may know Aiko was originally created by my sister, and all of her chapters were not written by me until the end of Book 1. It is no secret that Aiko is my least favorite character, as seen by my comments, and that is mainly due to the fact that we never reached a consensus on what her character should be. In the newer chapters I have shifted her character towards bring emotionally unstable, but still knowing the difference between right and wrong. This is shown where Aiko stopped Kai from torturing a guard last chapter. I asked my sister what the plan was for Aiko, and she had no idea, so I'll have to make assumptions, and give a definitive answer. In the beginning Aiko still showed signs of instability, but she was far more aggressive to the point of threatening to kill Sakura, and breaking Naruto's arm.
     In Chapter 6 Aiko used her Kekkai Genkai, which still remains inconsistent. It was originally designed as a Genjutsu that froze the opponent and protects from attacks with chains. For some reason it also lets her copy jutsus, which was never shown, and her eyes apparently changed from blue to purple while using it. For some reason a winged tattoo was mentioned very vaguely, and here is where the assumptions come in. The tattoo has no description of where it surfaced, so my best guess is the eye due to it being mentioned in the previous sentence. My sister was watching Code Geass at the time, and it's possible she was inspired by Lelouch (I probably spelled that wrong). The problem with this is that I never watched Code Geass so I can't continue this. That is why for now Aiko's powers are used as they were seen last chapter. The chains are going to be a weapon, and she used them to resurrect Mamoru. She will also maintain her telepathic powers, which she uses on rare occasions. The range of this is likely going to be roughly the size of the village, because if it gets any larger it could be too over powered. Another thing that was mentioned once, but never developed was Aiko's clan the Nomi clan. Apparently Aiko and Kai are heirs to head of the clan. The clan went to war and they ran away to escape the violence, which is why they were homeless in the prologue. I have no intention of expanding upon this, so it will stay as backstory and nothing more.
     There are two minor inconsistencies with Aiko, the amount of time she was homeless, and why her hair changes color. The time Aiko has spent with Ryu prior to the story has ranged from 6 months to 2 years. As of now she spent 2 years with Ryu before the story began. This actually gives them more time to bond, and it is the time they spent together according to the prologue which I recently edited. Back to the hair color, originally Aiko used her Genjutsu to make it look black, and at some point it was mentioned that she dyes it black. The reason I choose to stick with is the most recent one. Her hair is black, but if she uses too much chakra it fades to white, similar to Tsunade's age.
     Chapter 3:
     There are a few character inconsistencies I noticed in this chapter.
     First off is Naruto using the word "masochist". Naruto doesn't really have the vocabulary to use a word like this.
     In this chapter Sasuke yells in shock at Ryu, but he never shows any behavior like this in the show.
     I made a joke about Ryu making lower scores than Sasuke in the academy, because he couldn't give an oral exam. This is stupid because not only does Ryu have Gin to speak, but Gin is literally the one to comment on Ryu's inability to do so.
       One thing I've noticed is that it makes no sense for Aiko to be on their team. Team 7 is already the largest team in the book, but I still added another teacher for some reason. To fix this I'll just say they needed another teacher to help training, due to having an extra student. This way one teacher wouldn't have to worry about protecting four students instead of three.
     Chapter 6:
     Zabuza used chains to knock Aiko out despite the fact Zabuza never uses chains anywhere in the show. Also Haku dispatches Zabuza offscreen apparently. This combined with pretty much everything Aiko related makes this the worst chapter in the first book.
     Chapter 7:
     This chapter shows both Ryu and Kakashi being uncharacteristically stupid. The joke was that Ryu couldn't ask for feedback, so he wrongly assumes he isn't using enough chakra to stick to the tree, so he increasingly raises his chakra level to the point of breaking trees in half before he realizes his mistake. Not only is Ryu not this stupid, but he has Gin to speak (a fact I seem to have forgotten about). Kakashi should have easily been able to tell Ryu he was using too much chakra, but instead he stands there and let's Ryu destroy half the forest.
     Chapter 8:
     The infamous troll chapter. This the product of what happens when two people are writing a story, and they never properly discuss any planning. I wanted to write the Zabuza fight, because I wanted to change the outcome, but due to lack of planning my sister was supposed to write it. She refused to let me write chapter 8 and as a result we agreed on a troll chapter with no plot relevance.
     Chapter 9:
     The first problem with this chapter is the portrayal of Naruto's stupidity. He's not smart by any means, but I've seemed to have taken it to the level of an abridgment. Naruto thinking about ramen while fighting for his life is ridiculous.
     Another problem prevalent in majority of chapters is crappy action. I can mentally create complex fights, and when it comes to writing, it's hard to take my image and put it into words. This is due to my lack of writing skills. Honestly I would do better as an animator than a writer. Anyways that is why fight scenes that are supposed to be awesome are shrunk down to a few lines. I kind of just write the key points and let my imagination fill in the gaps. This has improved in later works, but in the beginning the fights are just terrible.
     One thing that isn't necessarily a bad thing is Naruto killing Haku. While it destroys the whole purpose of Haku's sacrifice in the original, this marks the first bit of original story that came as a result of actions caused by Ryu. Ryu destroyed the forest, so Naruto never met Haku. As a result Naruto didn't hesitate to kill Haku. In hindsight it was the shock of seeing Haku that shocked Naruto out of using The nine tails chakra, so realistically after killing Haku Naruto should have rampaged until he was stopped.
     Another problem is the way that Ryu killed Gato. Ryu threw a kunai that pierced Gato's heart. The problem with this is that Gato was at the back of a crowd, so not only would it required a lightning style jury's to pierce through the crowd of people, but Ryu would have to be lucky to actually hit Gato's heart without being able to see him.
      The last problem with this chapter is prevalent throughout book 1 and needs to be addressed. Ryu and Aiko are way to aggressive. Ryu did something to piss off Naruto, so Naruto punched him. In return Ryu breaks Naruto's arm. Then as Naruto's arm is being healed by Aiko, Naruto comments on Aiko's hair colour which results in Aiko breaking Naruto's arm again. Aiko literally broke a recently healed bone because she saw a comment about her hair as an insult. This is the scene which solidified Aiko as the least favourite character for many people.
     Chapter 11:
     First and foremost, Aiko insults Konohamaru, and his response to being mad is to run away. That just sounds stupid in hindsight.
     Then Aiko attacks Gaara for hurting Mamoru, which results in Gaara screaming in pain. I know Gaara has never been hurt before, and the sight of blood was enough to make him freak out, but Aiko should not have been able to injure Gaara that easily.
     Chapter 12:
     This chapter is the first instance of Aiko using telepathy to talk to Ryu. This isn't a problem because I have now established that she can do that. The problem with this is that there was no build up for it, it's just something she can do. It also help that the writing makes it seem like Ryu is the one using telepathy not the other way.
      The biggest sin in this chapter however has to be the reference to my sister's story. Seeing how she was writing half of these chapters, but I was getting more readers, she decided to leave references to her books as a way to bring readers over. The problem with this is that no one, except select few who read both, was going to recognize her OC. There are many of ways this could have been done properly, but using the OC of a fan fiction in another story doesn't make to much sense. I decided to leave it in however, because it didn't necessarily detract from the chapter.
     Another minor issue is where the fake Ryu was talking. I could have capitalized on this, or at least elaborated on the significance of this, but instead I had Sasuke defeat the imposter immediately.
     Chapter 13:
     In this chapter I revealed some of Ryu's powers. Apparently his eyes glow red and they can allow him to read his opponents thoughts. I don't remember the thought process for this, and honestly this power would be too strong, so I'll have Ryu maintain the glowing eyes, but none of the powers associated with it.
     Another character flaw has arisen, and this time it's Orichimaru. I had Orichimaru leave because he was scared of Ryu. This is stupid, because he literally plans to kill the Hokage. Some genin kid shouldn't scare him, even if he did recognize that he came from a family of powerful ninjas. In fact Orichimaru should have tried to manipulate Ryu much like he did Sasuke. Instead he decided the person whom he saw as stronger would make more sense as an enemy than a pawn. Not that smart to be honest.
     Chapter 14:
     First off "*insert facepalm here*" is just downright lazy. Instead of elaborating on how stupid a character's actions was, I felt the need to say this instead. It's like when a show puts a laugh track on in the background after a joke. If they have to tell you it's funny, it probably isn't that good of a joke.
     Another thing I'm not sure of is if the sound ninja all died, or if just the leader did. The way I wrote it, it sounds like one of the sound ninja killed the one possessed by Ino. The only positive from this encounter is that Ryu killed the leader. This allows a space in the tournament to open up for Ryu to fight without adding more characters.
       Too bad the positive is quickly replaced with a negative. After the fight with the sound, Ryu has a heartfelt moment with Sakura. Not only does this show a sense of companionship between Ryu and his teammates, but it solidifies Sakura's role as a character. She is someone Ryu opened up to. Despite this heartwarming scene, Ryu literally threatens to kill her if she tells the others about his revenge plan. This effectively kills the mood, and ruins what might of been a nice moment.
     Chapter 15:
     The first problem in this chapter is something that was shown in previous chapters. Aiko hates Sakura for some reason. I don't know if it is because of jealousy, but Aiko seems to hate the fact that Ryu is getting closer to Sakura. I'm not sure why that's the case seeing as how I have no plans for either character to get romantically involved with Ryu, but looking at it, that's what first comes to mind. Once again my sister gave no info regarding this other than the fact that she hates Sakura, which is probably why she is referred to as "pink haired banshee" in some parts.
    Another problem is Aiko's insult "microcephalic addlepate". This is a reference to Sword Art Online Abridged. The problem with this is that Aiko has never once demonstrated a vast vocabulary. This leaves the insult jarring and it ruins the immersion in the story.
     Chapter 16:
     This problem is probably the one with the most potential to be used. For some reason Choji seems almost possessed during his fight with Ryu, and he even tried to kill Ryu. This is a complete 180 from what Choji is. Choji is supposed to have a huge heart, and would never try to kill a fellow classmate. I probably changed Choji's character in an attempt to make the fight better, but all it really did was raise questions. After all it seems that Choji was possessed by some evil external force. I might be able to use this, but in my experience it isn't a good idea to add plot points half way through the story, so it's a toss up between if I'm going to use it, or play it off as bad writing.
     Chapter 17:
     The Gaara fight was just horrendous. It literally took two sentences. The first problem with it is the statement that Naruto was losing. Naruto single handily fought Gaara in the original, so why couldn't he do that here. My second problem is how Ryu helped. Ryu dual wielded elemental kunais, a skill he never demonstrated before. If that's not bad enough his contribution was he hit the tanuki on the head once, and this gave Naruto the opening he needed. If the cheapness of the fight isn't enough to ruin this scene, then the fact that Ryu shouldn't have lightning style will. I'm okay with letting him keep fire, but lightning also will make him look like a Sasuke clone. I'm not sure what other style I'm going to give him, if I do, but it's not going to be lightning.
     With that we have finished everything wrong with book 1. Luckily my writing vastly improved in book 2 so this part isn't going to be that long.
     Chapter 2:
      In this chapter Ryu healed Charlie. This is nice and all, but Ryu never showed any aptitude for healing. I'm just going to assume he learned it in the scroll, or it only heals minor injuries.
     This is also the chapter that starts fixing Aiko's character. Aiko mentions she burnt down half of the village as a result of Ryu leaving. This is supposed to show her increasing instability without Ryu there to help. As mentioned in the prologue Ryu is the only one who can help keep Aiko from have attacks such as these. Later when the guards are hurt she takes them back to the village, instead of staying with Ryu. This shows that she can't stand to see people in pain, even if she is the one to cause it. It's still not a very good transition yet, seeing how she ripped the guys hand off.
     Chapter 3:
     This chapter is probably the biggest wtf was I thinking. Apparently Aiko killed Yamato because he repaired the village after she burnt it. I don't know if I just disliked him, or failed to see his significance to the story, but his death will seriously hurt the story. As stated before I refuse to go back and fix anything, so I'll have to get creative. I'm sure I can think of something, but I read over that earlier and just facepalmed at the sheer stupidity of that.
     Chapter 4:
     In this chapter Aiko reunited with her brother Kai. My first problem with this scene is that Aiko assumed he was dead. She knows he ran away, but he is more than capable of saving himself in a conflict. This is a minor problem though compared to the next scene where Aiko was arrested. Kai disappeared and let her get captured, but later on she was injured and Kai was beyond pissed. His character is very inconsistent so far. Even worse is that Aiko let herself get arrested. She has shown a proficiency in taijutsu, but she doesn't even struggle when getting arrested.
     Chapter 6:
     The only problem I saw with this chapter is Matt's insistence on Ryu speaking. Matt has lived with Ryu for 2 years, but he seems to think that Ryu chooses not to speak. This is probably due to the fact that I failed to flesh his character out, before killing him. This resulted in odd conversations between the two in hopes of getting people to like him a bit more.
      Chapter 9:
      When Ryu was rampaging through Orichimaru's base he killed Orichimaru and grabbed Charlie. I don't know where Charlie came from I guess he can teleport now. My best guess is that Charlie was captured by Orichimaru, but wasn't yet locked up when Ryu showed up.
     Chapter 10:
     This chapter made me realize that Gin really needs some backstory. Probably in a nearby chapter.

     I'm sorry about the lack of a traditional chapter here. I was stuck with major writers block, and thought this would be a fun way to get my thoughts out on paper. I promise the next chapter will be a regular chapter, but I feel like this had to be done. Now I don't need to rewrite my story, and I've fixed all inconsistencies with this. As mentioned before this is still an important chapter, and I don't want comments confused in later parts, because this one was skipped.
     Now I feel the need to explain the change in format during this chapter. I didn't want to make another update chapter, especially for something as plot heavy as this. As a result I decided this chapter would be Ryu thinking back on his journey up to this point, and realizing nothing makes since. Much like how I needed to understand the story in order to keep writing, Ryu needed to resolve all past issues if he wants to keep moving forward.