Condemning Conspiracy

E: Management T: Aggrivated

  If I don't care then it won't bother me. Easier thought than felt. Every moment she's around I cringe. Every time he lies I growl. The moment I know that she's invaded my privacy I snap. Then. I walk away. She's the core of this problem. But then again. It could be me. 

  All she wanted to do was be friends. But she got in the way more than once in my life. I trusted her once. She ripped into me and laughed because she thought it was funny. Now? She's taken control of him. And dances with her every night. She growls at her insecurities and he shrugs it off. Like he shrugs off everything. 

  I'll give him this, he's good with kids. But as antisocial as she is and how 'attention grabbing' she is. I wonder how long he'll last. Is he really the center of her world? Or. Does she complain and wondre how long it will take before she gets bored of him. 

  They say that hate is a useless and a waste of my time. It's frustrating and aggrivating. Fine. I won't hate her. But I don't understand. Especially when he lies for her. I know how muh he loves her. I get that. They're happy. But are they?

  Two sheltered beings. And here I am trying to deal with them both. One is always tired and the other? Well, always trying to find a way to aggrivate me. (To get my attention specifically.) And when I don't hand it to her like her 'lovely' boyfriend. She hisses and I 'shrug it off.'

  If I can get rid of the care I had for Skyler (the agonizing part anyway) then I should be able to figure out how to deal with Bennett and Xavier. The words that helped me with my closer for her? "I never know what to get you. I don't know what you like." 

  It's foolish and childish but as a friend. It doesn't matter what it is. Generally, as a friend there is a common interest or disinterest. In regards to that, presents should be easy. Little does anyone know. I appreciate the thought and as a present, the prescence of someone, or even a card to wish good luck. 

  Skyler never actually paid attention to me. She was my whole world at one point. My focus. But then when I opened up that letter of my younger self? Reality slapped me in the face. Her name was no where to be found on hat letter of rememberance. And to my surprise, an old friend was. One that has changed emensily. I don't mind it. Everyone changes. But the memories slowly came back to me as I contniued to read on into the leter. 

  There are many letters written to Lily. I told myself I wouldn't mention her but. Well. She's still here but it's okay to not talk to her because I can talk to somenoe else. I don't have to talk about my problems. What. Problems? 

  The situation with Bennet and Xavier probably is the only one left. My writing is a problem but I have a way to deal with it. My job is a problem but I don't have to complain about that. It's a job. This place around me grew up with me. Odd isn't it? A business as old as you are. A little younger? (I don't know the actual age of this place.) But this recovery of it is going on seven years. 

  Surprise fill me. Honestly, I'm happy. Before they left I got to hang out with them both. My two true friends. The only two that I set in stone care for. I can hang out with Laoki. He's going through college courses right now (as a income senior in high school). I hope he'll like his engineering job. 

  What he doesn't realize is that he might not even like it. School. Grades. Scholarships. It makes me laugh to an extent. My senior year was the year I figured out I didn't have to. I didn't need to. His passion? Music. But "that's not going to get you anywhree." Honestly, starving artist? To me, this sounds like a better idea. 

  But someone ask me last night what I'm going to do after college. It occured to me that I had to make up something to answer their question. My passion is writing. It comes the easiest. I told myself that I want to own a publishing company but the more I look into it. The more unlike my personality this job gets.

  As a business. Scamming people is the damn near easiest way to get money. But that's not what I'd want. I want people to be happy. I want to find real editors, people who care for other people. I want brutal critiques and a company that sells. It has to be sucessful in order to get somewhere. 

  However, in the town that I live in? I won't get anywhere. I have to move to the city. So much is available there. But I hate the city. My city isn't really a city until Rodeo season. It's only on the map because of our Airforce Base. 

  Until they asked me that, my original plan was to get an internship somewhere as a digital artist. I have a blog and soon asI get my voice recorder I'll start up a youtube to help with my story flows and descriptions.

  Overall though, I don't know what I want to do. I love to write. But if I were to be a payed writer than I have to seep out the fun of writing. I can always write. That's not a problem for me. The problem is the timing. A payed writer (with an agent and everything) has to meet deadlines. Whcih. Makes sense but I don't want to be forced into writing. Because then it takes the fun out of it for me.

  Well, I'll get back to you guys when I have a clear mind set but right now my mind scattered because I had to ring up a customer. Till next time.