Change My Mind

Chapter 47 - Delivering Messages

I can't let that happen. If anyone's going to tell Lily the truth, it has to come from me but I'm too much of a coward to tell her. At least not yet.

"I still care about her, Eleanor. I like spending time with her. Is that not allowed?"

I know I shouldn't be taking my frustrations out on her, and from the slight glare I'm getting from Louis, I decide to bite my tongue.

"That's not what I meant. I'm just saying that if you want to spend time with her, if you want to be friends with her, then be a friend. Don't do these stupid things that mess with her head. You can't just kiss her or...or touch her whenever you want. That's not what she wants or needs. Just be there for her as a friend."

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and sitting down on the couch across from them in defeat. She's right. If I want to spend time with her, I can't be doing these things that will only push her away.

"I know. You're right. But what am I supposed to do now? I didn't say a word on the phone with her but I need to apologize. I mean, I'll...I'll give her the space she needs but I just need to talk to her at least once before I do that. I need to tell her that I'm sorry and that I'll give her the space she needs. I need her to know that I'm going to try harder to be a friend for her. I won't mess with her head anymore. I just need her to give me one more chance and this time, I won't mess it up."

I open my eyes and see both of them giving me sympathetic looks.

Eleanor gives me a small smile. "I'll tell her for you, if you want."

I think it through. I know that if I try calling her, she'll think that I'm not giving her the space that she needs. She'll think that I don't care about what she wants. So I nod. "Yeah...yeah, that's fine. I think that's best."

I sit up straighter in my seat. "Just, please, let her know how sorry I am and that I'll do anything to get another chance, even...even if it means that she doesn't want to see me for a while."

Eleanor nods. "I will. I promise. I'll let you know what she says."

My body relaxes in relief. I'm content with Lily hearing me out, even if it's through Eleanor, just as long as she knows. As long as she knows, she'll understand that I'm still here for her as a friend.

I'm not going to mess this up again. I can't. I've experienced life without her, when I broke things off with her and I spent a week pretending that I've moved on. That week was hell for me. Not only did I still think that she had cheated on me but I was slowly losing my mind after not being able to see her. I even had Louis fill me in on how she was whenever him and Eleanor had seen her during that time. I made sure that I brought her up casually because back then, no one knew exactly what had happened. Apart from the tabloids, all they knew was that we broke up all of a sudden and things between us were bitter.

Louis had told me that she wasn't any better than I was and I was confused because I thought that she had gotten back together with Marcus. I couldn't bring myself to ask Louis if he knew anything about Lily and Marcus so I just kept my distance. It was unbearable at times, not knowing how she was but I knew she would be in good hands. She had Ed and Eleanor and Perrie.

I could be another friend she could trust but I messed it up. I have to make it up to her, I just don't know how.

"Well, Louis and I have to go to my cousin's party so we'll drop by Ed's before we go there. Um...are you going to be okay?" Eleanor asks.

I nod. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm...I'll just see if any of the other lads are free." I stand up, their eyes following me. "I'll see you guys later. And um...thank you." I look between the two of them and they give me a smile and a nod.