The Gang Leader And His Moon - A 2Moons FF

Chapter 30. Taking a Risk

Wayo's POV

"W-what..." I stuttered after breaking the breathtaking kiss as I was looking at P'Pha's black, tired, swollen yet stunning eyes once again.

"I said; Yo. I. Love. You. And I will say it a thousand more times if I have to." P'Pha said making me blush again. I tried to look for any signs of lying or faking but it was sincere, he really meant it. But can I trust him this easily again. Wait! The scars! My eyes widened and I covered my wrist. Trying to move away from P'Pha. However I didn't get far as Phis arms were still on my back holding me against him.

He let out a sigh and with a sad voice told me; "I've seen them already Yo.". I lower my head in shame and tears are once again threatening to spill out.

"I-I'm sorry."

"Baby, you have nothing to apologize for. This is all my fault." I wiped my eyes and looked at the 5 scars going horizontally down on my wrist. Remembering the last couple of days.

After I left P'Pha his room that night I felt sadder and more depressed than I ever had been. I felt so broken, useless, worthless, alone, depressed and confused. I couldn't tell why I was feeling like this and it was driving me crazy, of course I knew it was because of Phana but whenever I saw people break up on TV they felt sad for a bit, got drunk and then moved on but this felt so much worse. For me this was only comparable to the time my mom died. I was devastated. If I didn't have Papa or P'Forth with me at that time I am pretty sure I would chase my mom and bury myself underground with her. But now I was all alone, the person I needed the most is the person I trusted the least at that moment and the person I hated the most, atleast I wanted to hate him. 

As much as he hurt me, I still loved him and that just made my heart ache every waking second. I loved him but he didn't care about me, he just wanted a toy, I was a freaking idiot for thinking he would feel the same as me. And that is when I started cutting. I read on the internet that during times of depression some people cut to let the physical pain distract them from the mental and emotional pain. I was always too scared to do it myself since I could always count on P'Forth to make me smile but right now all I had was myself. Weirdly enough it did distract me for a while but after I stopped feeling the stinging on my wrist, I didn't feel anything anymore. The pain inside my heart and brain was still there and I knew that there was no way for me to fix it, I didn't want to fix it. Why fix something so broken nobody wants it anyways.

I did nothing for the 2 days after that. I didn't eat, I only fell asleep after I got too exhausted from crying, I was crying but there were no tears, no sound. I didn't shower, I didn't go to school, I even stopped cutting because the feeling was too temporary for me, I ignored every call and text I got, every person knocking at my door. I didn't hear anything. I was drowning in darkness.

Until one day I heard Kit's distressed cries and for some reason that is what made me respond. Kit was begging, pleading and banging on my door. I slowly got up from the ground, my limbs aching from not being used for so long. When I opened the door I was tackled in a tight embrace and a wave of apologies and sweet words. Kit sat down with me and helped me up, he forced me to eat and drink. He saw the scars and I was scared he would judge me and at that moment I didn't think I could handle anymore disappointment, however what shocked me more was that he pulled down his socks and showed me the faded scars on his ankles. Kit has done the same in the past and understood how I felt, I just held onto him. Not wanting to lose him or letting him suffer losing another person in his life. We have only known each other for about 2-3 weeks but I already feel very connected with Kit and I don't want to lose him. Kit held me, comforted me, fed me, cared for me when I needed it the most.