Side pack + Friends One Shots

Are You Ready?

But it wasn't until After I left college and left education behind that I started being able to grow more. I got a half OK pc to let me play different games aside from my Playstation all the time and started meeting new friends, some of which I'm friends with even now. I feel like, in taking a year and a half off from any form of education, I was able to actually have that growing up moment, when I was alone most of the time, I started to think about what I loved and what I wanted to do with my life, I knew I had effectively given up on any form of a certificate of learning when I left so I needed to find something else. I started to pay more attention to music, slowly but surely teaching myself how to sing, how to breathe and what notes to hit on my own, using a song to learn more about what I could do. When I played games, I would stop thinking about it as a fun tool to de stress and I started learning the games I played, started paying more attention to them.

And then I started to work on it more, I started to try and sing more, I started playing competitive games but during the time I would just be watching YouTube videos. Which I had been doing for years prior... Well let's out it this way.

I have been watching YouTube longer than 7 years. I remember Phillip Defranco in his hood and backwards cap trying to look cool
I remember when Lachlan hit 5 thousand Subscribers.
I remember when Mitch started his hunger games franchise.
But my favourite is when I realize that I was watching Jerome and Jordan (Captain Sparkles) Back when they were both with Machinima, Way before Team Crafted was ever a thing.

Watching more people I started to think, Hm, I'd like to get to know these guys better I wonder what I can find.

Yeah it was just over two years ago I found Fanfiction, I started reading as much as I could whenever I could. And it blew my mind that people were able to write books about a person they had never even met. And I started to practice with my own writing again. Finally having the confidence, in seeing all these amateur pieces of work, the amateur books people created and began trying to work on copying them, how they wrote, how they structured their stories. I soon realized literally after one book. That the way they did it and the way I did it was two very different things.

So I developed my own technique, my own writing style, I developed my own trademark for my books and you guys know the rest.

Two years ago J had the confidence to start uploading what I wrote. Starting with my first original book called Love Online and then my first Fanfiction book called It's all in the past. And oh yes they are horrible to read for my first book as I had no idea what a comma was. (Remember I failed English twice)

I still haven't passed that subject but I'd say I could with confidence now.

About a year and a half ago, So approximately 5 to 7 months after I began writing. I got into Twitch live streaming, I thought the concept was amazing. I loved watching people play games live and I even joined one group of people where I still have a deep friendship with them now. Hell I flew to England to meet them for my 21st birthday and it was surreal. But I met people like me, nerds that loved to play video games and make people smile. After some coaxing from my friend Chloe, I started to stream, I had no idea what I was doing but it turned out to be one of the best experiences in my life. Playing video games and talking to people live, makes me happy knowing that someone may choose to watch me or follow me because they think I'm entertaining. It's amazing to think about. I started having more and more confidence with myself and then, about 3 to 4 months ago I think, maybe a little longer. So a full year and a couple of months after I started streaming.

I finally updated myself, my page and my brand. Starting to add notifications and alerts to my stream, I made a PayPal to set up donations if that was ever a thing someone wanted to do. And I started to really take it seriously, working either alone or more often with my friends to create a welcoming and exciting, funny place to hang out as friends.

And now, at 21 years of age and after so many years of being belittled and tormented about it.

I did something that I never thought I would ever do, I took the leap and I faked the confidence to the point where I nearly had a panic attack because I was so scared of what people would say, because of what people would do. But I finally did it, and I uploaded a certain video to my YouTube channel.

And it'd my first cover of a song that I've felt happy with.

Yes I've been building the confidence in my music, slowly but surely over the past year I've really honestly tried to pay more attention to my voice, I started to sing more and more often. And now, one of my ex friends introduced me to a Karaoke event on Friday nights at a near by Pub. Each Friday I would go and I would sing a song, no practice, no worries, I would just sing. And over time, I feel like I've got to a point now where I am so much better than I use to be, Now I have the confidence to do songs I feel I am happy with. But I'm still that terrified little boy that doesn't believe in his vocal abilities.

After years of people telling me I'd never be good enough, I feel like now I can finally say a big fuck you to those people and sag I did it. I had the confidence to conquer that fear of not being able to do it, and J fucking uploaded me singing a song.

You guys know where to find my twitch and you guys obviously know where my writing is but this.

https://youtu.be/VUPv0JrUrQM

This is the first video I've uploaded in a long time, and the first song I've done in even longer.

The moral of this story is that I won't tell you guys that you need to be confident, that everything gets better.

Because sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it doesn't get better for a long time and you feel trapped, that what you are doing isn't right or isn't what people think is best for you. Maybe you don't have any confidence just like I did. But when people say it gets better, it doesn't get better, it just gets easier to deal with the negative side. It gets simpler to deal with and easier to figure out. Confidence is such a big word that is wrongly used all the time. Confidence is taking that leap, doing something you never would have done before. But building up to that confidence is determination.

The determination to do better in a test or assignment until you are confident you can smash it.

The determination to finish that level or best that boss and practice until you are confident you can beat them.

The determination to write even something like a one shot or a poem, draft after draft until finally you are confident you can finish that story.

Determination is the subset to confidence. Being determined means you want to do something and you will try as much as you can, for as long as you can, until you are confident tk do something.

All those stories I threw away led me to be confident in my ability to write what I have now.

All those gaming sessions led to me to be confident that I could attain a higher rank in a competitive game mode or playing online.

And now, attending karaoke each week when I could, building that determination until my confidence was able to ask my mum to record me singing a song.

Confidence is key to being certain of things.

And determination is the act of building ul to that moment where you can kick that task out of the sky because you feel you are ready.

Like I said. It may not ever get better, but sure as fuck it gets easier with every try you make and every moment you out in until you are ready.