Side pack + Friends One Shots

Are You Ready?

When I was in year 10, It was my first year doing Vocals at school, singing basically. Being at a performing arts school really helped me to find that love for music that I have now. But when I started the class. I had no confidence again. I was terrified and I was scared. And it didn't help that, no matter what I did, my teacher would always tell me I was useless, that I never did anything right, that there was no way I'd ever do anything career wise in music. And I believed it for a long time. I stopped singing to myself or around the house because I didn't think there was a point to it, I had no confidence in my ability to create music with my mouth that sounds better in my head. But I was scared. It didn't help that my teacher never actually taught us anything either. Most of the time we were given an assignment to work on and then he would just let us go, most of my classes were spent in the sound proof room listening to my friends sing or play the piano, helping them with what I thought when they performed but I was always quiet. My friend started to get me into Drama and Theater. Musicals mainly and I found that it was a lot easier for me and so I started to fall for it. Even Opera became a fun t in me waster for me.

The bad thing is that while I was starting to build confidence with a microphone, I wasn't doing much better in other places.

I became a bully basically put, not in the sense of bullying for no reason. But looking back on my life and how it all happened, I was a bully due to how I was treated, I would react in the same way I'd be treated by people before then, Granted yes I should have known better but after being treated like shit for so long, that's all I genuinely knew was OK, I thought it was alright because they were never reprimanded when I was bullied, so I thought that was OK.

Now I know obviously how wrong it was, But I had that false confidence that I was looking out for myself, that I was protecting myself by keeping people further away from me. Except that one guy, remember the one guy from before I said I lost because he was scared, Yeah, he was gay. Well, he still is but yeah. At the time I had no idea, but I had fallen for this one buy so hard that of anyone even dared to say anything bad about him, I was there in an instant, or at least as fast as I could be. And it was weird, with his friends trying so hard to keep him away from me, we still redeveloped that friendship and that relationship we had during year 7 and 8 before everything went down. We even had our friendship go further than that, being the first time we both did anything sexual with guys. On the surface, yeah, I guess we were together. But not everyone liked it. And feverishly tried to break us up, or rather make him break up with me because he deserved better. I had never done anything bad to him, but it was he who made me realize what I was doing to everyone else, and obviously it wasn't good.

Nearing the end of High school (I dropped out in year 10) I had no confidence in myself, no confidence in my abilities as a writer or a gamer and all I had was my games. And my mum knew that. It's the only thing I could do to be left alone and just smile for once, playing a game that initiated an emotional response, or playing a shooter like COD for fun, to let out frustration and anger.

During College which I attended for two years when I should have been in school.

Yeah I was accepted for my HSC for two years which made it easier. I was treated like an adult for a change, I was treated like someone who had something still to give to the world. But I was 16 and 17 years old, mentally I wasn't ready, physically I wasn't ready. But intellectually... Well let's just say half the class was a bit embarrassed that the 16 year old was doing better than them at mathematics.

As I was going through college I feel like I wasn't ready for it, and after two years, still not acquiring my High School Certificate for completing high school, I quit and dropped out.

It wasn't right for me and would you like to know something funny.

I failed English, Twice. Yeah I never would have guessed that, that's for sure.