I was tired. So very tired. I fought to keep my eyes open whenever we did anything. I was just tired. Not tired for sleep, no, I was tired of living. I've been alive for far too long. I can hear my pain screaming at me, almost like it was a physical person. I could feel myself slip further and further from happiness.
I ran the blade against my arm for the seventh time today. I think I wanted to end it all. No, I knew I wanted to end it all. I've felt this way for a while but I never had the strength to carry it out. But now, now I'm just too tired to keep on fighting.
No one would miss me anyway. Dark thoughts swirled around my head, consuming every ounce of positivity left in my system. Just kill yourself already, it said to me. I wouldn't be missed. They'd probably rejoice the death of me. After all, I'm just a useless burden.
Shaking I looked for a piece of paper, anywhere. I shakily wrote the note out, taking care to verbalize my feelings before I left. Then I raised the blade for a final time and drew it up. I went over a few times for good measure before I became too dizzy to stand. I don't remember falling, but now I was on the ground. I heard pounding coming from somewhere but I wasn't sure if it was from the door or my head or my dying heart.
I closed my eyes and embraced the painless darkness.
Keith's POV
Dinner was strangely silent. It was unsettling. Lance had never shown up and I was starting to get anxious. Why isn't he here? He never skipped dinner. Finally I couldn't take it. I stood up and walked out, ignoring the strange looks I got from my fellow paladins. I pounded on Lance's door but I didn't get a reply. I started to worry though when I heard a loud thump. It sounded like Lance fell.
"Lance?" I asked. No response. "Lance? Are you okay?" Nothing. Not even a grunt of affirmation. Getting impatient, I pressed in the code and the door opened to reveal a gruesome scene.
Lance was laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. His blank eyes were staring off into the distance with tear streaks down his cheeks. I screamed loudly and rushed forward. This was all a prank. Any second now Lance was going to jump up and say "Hah! Got you again! You'd think there were some brains underneath that mullet!"
My tears flowed and droplets landed on Lances face. Not him. Why did it have to be him? I loved him. I loved him and I never got the chance to tell him that! What was the last thing I said to Lance? We had some petty argument over who ate the last of the space lasagna. I lied and said it wasn't me when it really was. A lie. That's the last thing that Lance ever heard from me.
I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. At some point during my grief the rest of the team had accumulated in Lances room. Shiro was looking at me sadly. "Keith." He said. I took one last look at Lance before I broke down. I sobbed into Shiro's chest.
Coran cleared his throat, his voice thick from crying. "It appears he left a note." He said. I looked up to see him holding a slip of paper tenderly. I reached out my hand and he obliged, placing the final piece of Lance into my hand gently.
To anyone who cares, (not that anyone will)
I have decided that the best thing I can do for anyone is to take myself out of the picture. I recently acquired the position of the blue Paladin for Voltron. I have to admit I never thought my worthless ass would ever get such an honor. Of course I realized later that I was merely a placeholder for the real blue Paladin. With me out of the way you can find him and save the universe!
Hunk~ you are and always will be my best friend. Thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. Stay awesome.
Pidge~ hey gremlin, thanks for being my best little space sis. You fit that role perfectly. I know I never got to see my family again but I hope you do. Find them, I know you can. And hey, try to get some sleep, please, for me?
Coran Coran that gorgeous man~ thank you. What else can I say. There is nothing that I can say to convince you of the gratitude I feel. You have always been there for me, listening to my stories like I listen to yours. So really, thank you. Thank you so much.
Allura~ first of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for flirting with you. I want you to know that I never thought of you that way. I only did it to relieve you some stress by making you think about other things. I'm sorry I did such a terrible job at it. Thank you for being incredible. Avenge your planet. I know you can.
Shiro~ it's been a pleasure serving with you. You have always been my hero. I was so hyped to find out that I'd be working with you. Find the true blue Paladin. Please. You deserve to fight with the best.
Keith~ God, where do I begin? I love you. I guess that'll do for a start. I fucking love you and I'm sorry. God, I'm so so sorry Keith. I'm sorry that someone like me fell in love with you. But I do. I love you. And I'm not sorry that I love you. I know you're probably disgusted that I loved you but I did. But I am sorry that you had to deal with that. But I'm gone now so you can be happy. I'm also happy that I had that short time with you. So thank you for that. Keith I want you to find someone that makes you happy. Because God, you deserve to be happy. You've been through so much and it's just unfair. So please, my dying wish is that you find someone that makes you happy. And when you do, I can finally be at peace.
Please, I want you to tell my family. Don't tell them what I did. Tell them I died in battle or something, I don't want them to think of this as my final moment.
Thank you, for everything.
Lance McClain, former blue Paladin.
Ps~ I don't care that you ate the last of the lasagna Keith.
The room was silent. Everyone was sobbing and I was speechless. He loved me back. He loved me back and I never saw it. He's dead and I never got to tell him that I loved him.
I sob into Lance's dead chest. "It was you, you idiot," I cried. "You made me happy!"
But now, now my slice of happy has flown away. And all I'm left with is an echo of a happier time stuck in my head.
