Warning: Mentions of Abuse, slurs
I fucked up again. Not only had I cost us the mission, but I got Pidge hurt. It was nothing major, just a concussion, she was out of the healing pod after a few ticks, but still. I had hurt Pidge. What's worse, she wasn't even mad! Only Shiro.
"What was that, Lance?" Shiro yelled. I flinched. I fought the flash back that this gave me but it didn't work.
"What was that Lance?" Papa screamed. He threw the beer bottle at my face. I screamed as the glass cut through my face. He sneered at punched me, my nose making a sickening crunch. "You're useless!"
"-ance! LANCE!" Shiro screamed. I stepped back and shuddered visibly. No, this isn't happening! Shiro isn't going to hit me, right? "Lance were you even listening to me?" He screamed even louder. I cringed and dug my nails deep into my palms to resist the urge to cover my ears.
Please stop yelling.
Please stop yelling.
Please. Stop. Yelling.
"Shiro stop it!" Hunk yelled. Stop Yelling Please. "Look at him! Look at what you're doing!"
Shiro looked at me. I was probably a mess. I knew I was shaking, and I could feel the beginning of tears forming in my eyes. Shiro looked at me and his eyes softened. He walked closer to me and I took a step back. He eyed me strangely and stepped forward again and put a hand on my shoulder.
Papa put his hand on my shoulder. He grinned and looked at me with a look of pure rage. "You are a disgrace. You have no right to be alive." he said before he punched my in the face, making fall to the floor. He kicked me repeatedly in my stomach until blood dripped out of my mouth.
I screamed and wrenched away from Shiro. I threw my hands up to protect my face and curled myself into a ball, backing the wall of the castle. "Please don't hurt me.." I whimpered, tears steadily flowing down my face.
Everyone froze.
"Why would I hurt you?" Shiro asked cautiously.
"Please," I whimpered again. When Shiro stepped forward, I no longer saw Shiro. I saw Papa, running towards me, a beer bottle in hand, fists raised prepared to beat me within an inch of my life. "Please! Stop! I'm sorry! STOP! I swear I'll never do it again! AUUUUUUGH! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Help me!" I screamed. I could feel Papa hitting me. I was surprised I wasn't dead yet. I could feel the pain of being kicked in the stomach. I felt the pain of the beer bottle in my head. I felt the shards dig into my skin.
I felt hands around me then. I thrashed about and screamed for help, I screamed until I realized that the hands were real. They weren't the ghost pain that I felt on a regular basis. "Shh, Lance it's okay. It's okay. It's not real. Take deep breaths.."
"K-Keith?" I said after a while. "Keith is that you---Auuugh! Make it stop!" I screamed again as another ghost pain, the pain of when my father shot me.
"Hey it's okay, it's okay." Keith whispered into my ear. "I need you to do something for me, Lance. I need you to count to one hundred by threes. Can you do that? I'll do it too okay? Three...six...nine..."
"Twelve...fifteen...eighteen...twenty one...twenty four.." Lance joined in. By the time he reached one hundred he was no longer feeling any pain. And he no longer saw his papa, only the horrified paladins. "Thank you. I'm sorry about that...I.."
"Lance what was that?" Pidge asked with concern. I sighed. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know. None of them did.
"I had a panic attack," I said. "It's okay they happen all the time. I'm sorry you had to see that."
"What triggered it?" Shiro asked quietly, resigned. He knew it was him, he just didn't know what memory I saw. Shiro had panic attacks whenever he awoke from a nightmare about the galra. I was always there to calm him down, But I never told him that I had them too.
"You...you looked like my father.." I said. "I saw a memory of when he would.....hit me. And I saw a memory of when he almost beat me to death. I'm sorry." I said. Everyone was shocked. I had never told them that I was abused. In fact I made up a story about having an incredible family. That was a lie.
"No, I'm sorry Lance," Shiro said. "I shouldn't have yelled. It wasn't your fault and I'm really sorry I caused you to have a panic attack."
"It's okay," I said. "I'm not mad. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know."
"Don't worry," Hunk said. He stepped forward and hugged me tightly. "We'll always be there for you."
"We're your true family."
