Secret Identity (completed)

To fight or forget

Harris's POV

I barely make it up the front steps. My insides feel like they've been ripped from my chest and out through my ribs. Closing the door I lean against it trying to catch my breath but it only seems to get shorter with every audible gasp.

I sink down to the floor by the shoe rack. My head spinning like the gravatron ride at an amusement park. What is wrong with me?

I hear Theo's voice before he comes into view. "You're home early. I thought you were staying out with Ja..." he says rounding the corner from the kitchen.

His eyes catch sight of me slumped on the tiles before he finishes saying Jazz's name. "Jesus, Harri. What happened?" he questions. Panic written all over his face as he runs to my aid, couching down by my side.

He's talking to me but I can barely hear him over the thud of my heartbeat ringing in my ears.

Ba boom. Ba boom. Ba boom.

A hot fever flushes through me branding my neck and chest with a blotchy red rash. It burns yet somehow I am cold and shivering which causing my teeth to chatter.

"Harri, what happened?" Theo asks again craning his neck from his kneeling position to look through the glass panels of the door to SJ's car which is still sitting in the drive. "I'll kill him! What did he do to you?"

"Nothing," I manage to manage to wheeze out.

"Harri, you're scaring me. I'm going to call Mum!"

I grab Theo's arm pleading with him not to, "please don't. I'm okay." I fake a smile and gesture for him to help me stand. He shakes his head not wanting to agree but obliges anyway.

Rising, I feel my legs and arms tingling with the familiar sensations of a panic attack.

It has been years since my last attack and I thought they were a thing of the past. Stupidly, I thought I had outgrown them.

As my legs tremble, barely able to support my own body weight, Theo helps me to my room. All but carrying me up the stairs brfore placing me on my bed.

His jaw tightens, making his cheeks hollow. "Harri, I know we don't always get along but I am your brother. Please tell me what is going on? I can't bear to see you like this."

Laying back on the pillow I stare at the ceiling as my breath slowly returns to normal. "Theo, it was nothing. Just a panic attack."

"Harri, you haven't had one since we moved here. Something must have set you off. Please tell me what did he do to you? I won't do anything, I swear. I just wanna talk."

Hearing the anger in his voice I do my best to calm him. The last thing I need is for Theo to go on the rampage. "Theo it was nothing. I could feel it coming on so I asked Sen-- SJ, to bring me home. I guess with all the changes lately I was due for one," I say as reassuringly as possible.

Part of me wants to yell at him. Like why is he choosing now to act like a brother? He hasn't cared for years. But the weight of my eyelids hits has me fighting to keep my eyes open and I don't have the energy to fight him and my tiredness.

He stands to leave, "hmm. I don't believe you but if you don't want to tell me then I guess I can't make you." The hurt evident in his tone.

I pull the covers up under my chin using them to wipe dry any remaining tears from my face.

"H, I know you think I don't care about what happens to you, but that's not true. You're always so sure of what you are doing that I guess I figured you don't need me... Anyway, I am here if you want. Literally on the other side of this wall," he declares knocking lightly on the wall that separates our two rooms.