Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Forty

Levi's Point of View: Rmellis

The night seemed never-ending to me. The voice's taunted me for my mistakes and my eyes gormlessly stared at the plain white ceiling above. I had so many unanswered questions running through my mind and sleep was something unheard of to me. I didn't want this life- I didn't ask for this; yet I got what was given to me.

The brat was the only one I felt wanted to know me, wanted to talk to me, though I ruined his trust with my fists. Oh, what an idiot I was. But sure enough, my voices continuously told me of how much of an idiot I was, not allowing me to forget it.

With heavy eye's which didn't want to close, I chewed on the inside of my cheek nervously. I felt out of it; as though all around me wasn't real and I was stuck within a nightmare. Goosebumps appeared on my porcelain coloured skin as I ran my nails lightly up and down the skin of my arms in a soothing manner.

A soft sign brushed past my thin lips, my heart racing in my chest rapidly at the thought of the recent events that had occured the afternoon. I'd been laying for God-knows how long, all to the point my legs felt numb and my back ached badly. My knuckles stung against the bandages material, but I knew I couldn't complain about it because it was my own doing.

Huffing and stopping my nails when they met with the top to the fabric, I brought my injured hand up in the air in slow motion as I observed it numbly. I felt drained- empty, like my soul had deserted my body and I had nothing left. It didn't feel good- it felt like I was going insane.

Running my thumb over the light blood stain seeping through the, once white, bandages, I drop my hand back onto my stomach and sign exhaustively.

I couldn't help but wonder what was happening with the kid. Did he seek help? Was he ok? Did he get home? So many questions that I felt needed to be answered- yet I didn't want to be the one to ask them. It all seemed endless, a cycle, something that can't be stopped unless you end it yourself.

With the diary hidden back in my bag out of plain sight, I had my bag shoved and left in the corner of my bedroom, though it's not like I needed my bag anymore seeing as tomorrow was a Saturday. With that in mind, I reached out for my- nearly- dead, shitty phone and groaned when a message from my boss came. It was a simple message telling me what time I was in for tomorrow and it seemed to me that tomorrow was going to be a boring day.

And, oh so shockingly, it was.

I'd slept for no longer then two hours, the cars outside my house distracting me from sleep as I counted the sound of the different engines that went by. With hey sacks of bags under my eyes and my lips dry and chapped, I could hardly force myself out of bed. I felt crocked, weak.

Kenny was heard stumbling through the doors early this morning, but after tripping up multiple times to his bedroom; the door was slammed shut and snores came immediately after.

However, to me, that was a good thing. It just meant I didn't have to deal with him for the rest of today. So, with him out of the way, I managed to go around my 'house' and do my daily routine. Washing, cleaning and making myself look smarter and posher them I really am, I combed my hair over to the side. With my struggle, trying my hardest to not touch my injured hand, I finally got on a plain black shirt, black jeans with my everyday trainers; buttoned up and brushed down, I sighed.

Heading downstairs, my phone in my back pocket and my wallet already in my jacket hanging up by the front door, I rooted around the bare fridge and pulled out an apple. Grunting unenthusiastically, I grimace at the brown patches and growled in frustration.

"Can I not fucking eat something without it becoming rotten in this house!" I screamed out angrily, launching the apple across the room, looking up at the ceiling where Kenny's room would be. I clenched my fist stressfully and bellowed; "This is fucking stupid! Get a fucking life you worthless bastard! I'm fed up of doing shit for you! You ain't getting ought from me anymore!"