Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Thirty-Two

Levi's Point of View: Rmellis

Content: the state of being contented; satisfied; ease of mind.

In the moment in time I felt contentment in seeing the younger males lips raise up into a sweet, innocent smile. I felt that just by seeing the elegant smile; any sadness or pain within me could be lifted. My eyes flickered and caught glimpse of the brunette looking back and it was when our eyes connected that I found myself unable to look away. A fondness, amorousness emotion overwhelmed me. I was never one to take orders from another but the males quiet but chappy voice was enough to have me relax in my seat.

I knew deep down that there was something about this kid. There was something within him that he kept secret, hidden away. With his eye's bright, looking into them observantly, I knew they could be brighter. And I wanted to see there true brightness. I wanted this happiness, bright side of Eren that was hidden deep inside to come out and something told me that for that to happen; I'd have to be the one to step forwards and try.

However, when the brat suddenly spoke up and caught me off guard in my dazed state; he said something quite shocking. My throat dried up, my body tensed and something inside my twinged painfully. I thought I'd be happy, amused- yet a grave deal of sadness, and almost betrayal, sank my heart down into my stomach.

"...see you around, Levi..."

Watching helplessly as the male scurried off the hallway in what seemed to be a rush, an overpowering, sickening feeling settled in my stomach and I felt, that if at the moment of time- I was to stand, I could've so easily crumbled to the floor. And even though I was safely sat down; the urge to collapse onto my knees were still there- and it wasn't a nice feeling.

How? I asked myself. How did he find out my name? Do he know the true me? What's going to happen? Who told him? If someone told him, then does he know about me? Who dared to tell him? Will he listen to them?

The questions. They so painfully swirled around torturously in my mind. My heart and lungs were being hugged so tightly that the pain was nearly unbearable and I couldn't do anything about it. No. This pain wasn't just for the fear of the kid truly knowing my horrid name; but more on the fact he so easily walked away.

I could practically feel my eyes burning in tears. Gasping for breath, my hand pushing and hitting my chest; I hunch forwards weakly. For so long I've watched people so willingly walk out my life. They do it as though it's nothing and by now, I'd of thought I was immune to the pain. But every time I watched this kid rush off and leave me, it was as though he was opening old scars and creating a new wound entirely.

Why did everyone leave me? Why did no one want to talk to me? Why is it I'm always left alone?

If I could; I'd scream. I'd cry, wail, bellow and lash out at any being that can within a few inches towards me. Though I didn't. I stayed calm; hiding my emotions from the world, from anyone who dared to look my way as they passed down the hallway. Several passed me on their journey around the school, though I couldn't focus on any of them; Eren... the stunning brunette being the only thing in mind.

"Why?" I croaked out desperately.

I knew what was happening to me. I was having a panic attack. They hardly happened; but when they did, I had to act fast. Most did breathing exercises, yet it'd only make my breathing worse; so, hurriedly yanking my earphones from my jackets pocket and, with trembling hands, trying to find the hole of my phone to put them into; I eventually managed to plug them in and music instantly turned on.

(I had my phone on a setting where the music would immediately start once plugged in for times like this.)

Gulping dryly, leaning back, I try to clear my mind of any haunting thoughts and forget about what's happened; hoping that the next time I open my eyes that I'd be home, in the only place I know is safe; my bed.

Biting my bottom lip, my teeth almost chattering, I tilted my head back sadly; getting lost in the song.

"You've got a cold cold heart," it began, "Do you feel at all?"

The melody was smooth, calming. I could finally make sense of my surroundings and what was going on.

"You build a house of cards, but it's going to fall~"

Wiping my forehead with the back of my hand, I'm relieved to find no sweat- this being something I am very paranoid about. Standing up with weak knees, I reach under my chair and hook my bag over my shoulder. Stretching as I stand up, my eyes travel to the ground as I trace the steps the brat once took.

"You think I don't see who you really are~"

I could almost envision the brat, yet again, having his back to me.

"I've got news coming to~"

Rounding the corner, no one truly noticing me as though I was invisible to all, I can't help but freeze.

"I know all your secrets~"

Eren.

"I know all your lies~"

He's frozen, I'm paralyzed. "No..."

"I know where you keep them~"

He has the letter I wrote in his tanned hand.

"Buried deep inside~"

He looks absolutely horrified.

"T-that means-"

"No you can't hide your secrets and lies~"

"I-is he the owner?"

"Secret and lies~"

Within seconds the terrified features of the younger males, now pale face, was soon wiped away and replaced with fear. Dashing down the hallways, the bell shockingly loud and deafening; I reach out to stop the male and murmur his name quietly as he rushed and barges past me.

Grunting and knocking my shoulder against the wall harshly, I wince and bite my lip.

"Wish on your lucky stars... because it's all you've got~"

I maneuver past the bystanders and dash after the male after the moment I regain my sense of reality, but by then the brunette has vanished from my sight and my fists clench.

"You won't get very far~"

I wasn't losing him. Not again.

"When the music stops~"

I dart to the closest person on my left, their features fear-stricken like I was the devil himself.

"You think I don't see~"

"Where is he? Which way did he go?!" I ask, panicked.

"Who you really are~"

They point me towards the males restroom. I pat their shoulder thankfully and push off them towards the blue doors- symbolising the boys toilet. I slam open the door.

"I've got news for you~"

I scan my surroundings- the boy is nowhere to be seen. The pale walls are plastered in graffiti and the black out windows are steamed up. My body tenses up as the door behind me locks closed.

"I've seen it all from the start~"

Tearing my earphones out and pausing my phone, my breathing becomes heavy . Shoving the wires into my pocket- my hand running along the bumpy walls- I stop before the only cubical that's closed and press the palm of my hand against it hesitantly.

"I know you're in there... Eren," I speak loudly, my brows arched. "Open the door for me. Now." My voice is stern and serious, though raspy and hoarse from the lack of breath and the bottled up emotions within. "Open the door now," I order, "before I break the damn thing down." Slamming my fist onto the door loudly, I growl; "Eren... We need to talk. Now."