Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Thirty Six

Levi's Point of View: Rmellis

"For once in my life, I feel safe around someone..."

Mythed. It's hard to explain the emotions within me, though one word stood out the most. I was mythed, mute, flabbergasted and stunned. I didn't know what to think- what to say, or what to do. I felt appalled, astonished, but most of all; upset.

My emotions raged and flared up within me, and as the time passed by; the burning fire within only excelling. I could no longer control my thoughts, my emotions; nor my next actions.

The brat had a point. He was right in every way and no matter what I said; I couldn't deny Eren's words. Though as upsetting and shattering as it was, I couldn't agree either. Eren needed not to believe what he said. He shouldn't trust or feel safe around me- he should feel frightened, afraid and fearful. The name Levi should haunt him; make him terror-stricken.

And why? Because I cared for him. I cared about the kid, more than I care about myself.

Eren Jeager. The boy who made my ice cold heart melt. He'd done something to me that one else could. He made me feel things I thought I never would. I felt that if he was to be the death of me; I'd die in contentment.

The beautiful, bright, overwhelming ocean eyes glanced up at me- the emotions held within, coming to life. His soft skin shone with the sun peeking through the window and his body posture straightened in confidence.

Oh, how innocent and admirable this gorgeous male truly was. He was something- an angel. And I didn't deserve someone like that. I wasn't to be allowed to feel all these amazing, cared for emotions. I wasn't to slip too deep- I had to do something I'd done most of me life. I had to hide and fight back my emotions.

I had to take control before everything fell apart.

'He doesn't deserve this,' the voice inside spoke out to me. 'His reputation- his friends. If you allow this male to do this to you, you'll become weak. Friends will only leave you in the end, Levi. If you get close to him, he could see you for who you really are and go behind your back to everyone. Think of all the humiliation- shame. Think of how you could ruin his life.'

No mattered how much it hurt- how much I wished life could be easier; I knew deep down the voice inside me right. Closing my eyes, my fist's clenched enough that a crescent mark was made on my palm; he choked on my own breath as I thought out what was needed to be done.

Ere- no, I had no right to say his name anymore. This innocent male needed to fear me. He needed to run when he heard my name. He needed to stick with the crowd of people who hide from me- who hate me. Life would be easier for him to be friends with a large group- hiding from me, rather than be with me and hated by all.

Agony. Pain. Numbness. It was all excruciating, but i deserved the pain. Especially after what I'm about to do. Abruptly slamming my fists down on the table, enough that it's weak legs shook; I raised myself so I was towering over him and slowly opened my eyes- glaring down him.

I begged, hoped, for someone to stop me. Someone to step in- but the worker said nothing, passing it by as though it was a mere argument before turning to go to the other stationed workers.

Curving around the table, little hesitation in my movements; I grabbed a chunk of the males soft hair and sighed sadly. I'd been wanting to thread my fingers through his tatty hair for so long, and now I finally was; it was only bringing him pain.

Yanking his head back, nearly tipping him off of his chair; I leaned in- my breath heavy and deep against his ear as I speak slowly. "Who. The. Fuck. Do. You. Think. You. Are?"

Snapping, my eyes turning cold and dull, I forcefully jerk him off of his chair and onto the floor. My wrist snapping to let go of his head after, allowing the fragile males head to hit the floor. Crouching down, but not enough that my knees came in contact with the floor; fast, panicked pants left my chapped, cracked lips.

I didn't want to do this. I don't want to do this. My eyes stung, tears burning in rage and confliction. To do this, I was hurting both of us. But not doing this was hurting him and tearing his life apart. I couldn't do that to him. This was the right thing to do- I had to have him fear-stricken me.

Gasping for breath, my balled up fist shaking and hunched forwards. With close my eyes, I bow my head and looked down, whispering inaudible; "I'm s-sorry."

Not waiting a split second, my fist flies through the air aimlessly and collided with Eren's face. Once one hits placed, I know I can't stop. Growling, swearing, and sending curse words his way; I hold onto his collar to make sure he doesn't fall and make countless- regrettable- hits onto his astounding face.

Tears want to dance down my cheek as every cut, blood and wound in which I make- but I swallow and bottle everything up with all my power. I don't know how long I was at it- nor why I didn't stop. Maybe I was too caught up in the moment? Maybe I knew he needed to fear me- maybe I really am a horrible being; I don't know.

But whatever the reason was, I was cut off when a worker, laughing to his friend, froze in horror at the sight of what I'd done.

The colour in their face faded into a sick pale and I carefully laid the battered ball down, glancing at him in despair as I slowly stood up on shaky knees. The worker got their senses back sooner or later and jumped to the scene- calling out to his mates for backup as I looked down hopelessly.

"You don't know me, kid. You know nothing about me. So if I was you, I'd say as far away as possible; unless you want the whole school having a copy of your diary."

Sadness overwhelmed me as I realised I didn't just lose the one I cared about, but I lost my source of food. Gulping dryly, I placed a hand upon Eren's heart- feelings his fast beating- before grabbing my bag in which contain his diary from under the table and dashing out of the cafe; knowing the workers would help Eren.

'It's all for the best,' the voice said. 'You don't deserve to have him to yourself- you're worthless.'

----

A/N: Did you know this story is 71 pages long?! In book size- nearly two-hundred pages thick. :) I /we/ decided to change this story up slightly- I hope we have you all on the edge of your seat to know more!

This is one of my favourite stories-  which, out of my books, if your favourite? Let me know in the comments! And please- do you like this story? {Hate- inbox. }

*Artist: IHeardULikeMudKips11 - From: DeviantArt*

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