Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Twenty-Seven

Eren's Point of View: KoKo_Buni

All I wanted to do was talk to Levi—perhaps it sounds rather obsessive of me, but I felt a sudden desire that was pulling me towards him.

He was a magnet and I was a lousy piece of metal—a paperclip, perhaps—and I was instantly drawn to him, pulled by instinct.

He was the hare and I was the rabbit; I felt as if I was chasing after him, yet I wasn't. I was the one running away; the one who was too much of a coward to even ask for his number or some other way of communication.

Once again, the house was empty. The house built for a family was occupied with merely me. If I spoke, my words would echo throughout the emptiness and probably echo through my mind as well.

Yet, somehow, I had grown accustomed to the loneliness and emptiness; I had grown used to my words bouncing off the walls, yet I was the only one who could hear them.

I had a mother—how would I pay for the whole house, otherwise?—however she was hardly ever home. She either stayed round her friends, boyfriends, house or was working abroad.

My mother and I hadn't had the best relationship, especially since she abandoned me more than once.

I had been living in the house for approximately two years, which was the longest I had ever stayed in one area; usually, I would move around with my mother, however she decided I was old enough to take care of myself.

When I was little, I had lived with my father, but my mother took me back from him and well... That's how I ended up here.

Sometimes, I wondered what my life would be like if I still lived with my father (I hadn't seen him for years; I didn't know whether he was dead or alive).

Would I be happier? Have more friends? Have a girlfriend? Would I have better grades? Would I still be bullied? Would I even need to keep a stupid diary, just for it to be stolen and read? But, I wouldn't have met Mikasa or Armin—my rocks; my family—and... I wouldn't have met Levi either.

And, somehow, I felt as if the raven knew me better than anyone else; I felt a strong connection towards him, yet I had no idea why.

What I would usually do on the weekend was sleep; I had little motivation to do anything else. Yet, that day, I decided to study.

I grabbed my textbooks and scattered them all across my bed, reading between each of them as I struggled to understand what it had all meant.

Eyebrow raised in confusion, I decided to call Armin. He was basically a genius, after all.

"Hello?" He answered, voice surprised that I had actually called him.

"Hi, Armin, I need your help." I stated, voice panicked as all of the words within the textbook just didn't seem to make sense—I regretted not studying beforehand.

Perhaps I would have better grades if I tried harder.

"With what?" He questioned, and I imagined the blonde tilting his head to the side, a look of utter shock smacking his face.

"Well... I kind of, uhm, need help studying." There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, and I felt as if I was bothering him. I suddenly felt regretful—

"Okay! I'll be over in five minutes." Then, the line went dead and I started to panic as my room was a mess. It looked like a pig had shit everywhere, except it wasn't shit at all—it was just my mess.

I grabbed the dirty laundry, throwing it into the closest along with old books and scrunched up pieces of paper. I attempted to wash some of the dishes in the kitchen downstairs, however the knock upon the door startled me and I ran to it, excitedly nervous.

Opening the door, Armin smiled and had a variety of textbooks and notebooks in his arms, cheeks stained pink as he looked extremely eager to study.

I showed Armin to my room and. Surprisingly, he didn't shame me or laugh at me for the mess. He merely situated himself upon my bed, crossing his legs as I did the same.

"Eren, I have something for you," Armin said, passing me a white notebook with a lopsided grin, "I got you a temporary diary, just until we find your other one. You can doodle on the front as well, it'll look more original."

I felt like I would explode from relief as I held the notebook firmly in my hands. It was a replacement for my other notebook, and my fingers were tingling as I yearned to write something along the lines. Yet, I decided to put the notebook aside so that I could study with Armin.

It sounds cliché, but I felt warm inside due to the idea of actually having a friend over to study. And that's what we did for the rest if the day: study.

Once Armin left, however, I couldn't help but to write in my new diary, yet all I could write was my name.