Try-State Area

Time to Panic

The midday sun cooked Emily's brain as she lounged beside her father's pool with Sam. They were supposed to be relaxing, but Emily couldn't manage it with her brain throbbing in rhythm with her heart.

You're probably dehydrated...

She took a sip from her water bottle.

I'm slightly dizzy again... Everything feels fuzzy around the edges... It's a bit like I'm still high...

The more she tried to fight the floating feeling, the more her mind and heart raced, pulling her farther away from the backyard.

Past experience told her that if she let them climb too high, the harder the inevitable fall would be. It was time to use one of the grounding techniques she had learned.

Feel the sun on your toes... Notice your calves resting on the lounge chair... Focus on the towel beneath your thighs... Now on your bikini bottoms hugging your hips...

But at this point she couldn't think of anything but Evan gripping her hips when he helped her from the trampoline last night. And then of the way he kissed her before he walked away.

The panic continued to rise. It began to fill her chest, slowly squeezing the air out of her lungs. Emily looked over at Sam and couldn't tell if she was asleep behind her sunglasses.

"Sam?"

"Hmmm?"

Emily sat up and Sam lifted her sunglasses.

"What's wrong?" 

"Do you think Evan will ever talk to me again?" 

Samantha rolled onto her stomach and took a sip from her water.

"Well, what did he say last night?"

Emily bit her lip and thought back.

"Actually he didn't say a lot. He asked me if I smoked up. Then he said he would talk to me tomorrow."

Sam rolled onto her back again and stretched.

"Well, then he'll definitely talk to you. Unlike a lot of boys I know, Evan does what he says. If he said he would talk to you today then he will."

Emily sighed.

"I'm not sure if I should be more or less worried now. I feel sick. I should go lay down inside."

"Ok then I'm going home to take a nap myself."

Sam gathered her stuff up and left through the side gate. Emily went into her room and laid on top of the bedspread. She looked around at the green walls and knew that rest wasn't going  to come.

Her copy of "The Scarlet Letter" sat on the nightstand. She still needed to finish off the last few chapters. With trembling hands she opened to her bookmark and read, "Be true! Be true! Be true! Show freely to the world, if not your worst, yet some trait whereby the worst may be inferred!" 

Emily threw the book across the room. It slammed into the wall and dropped to the floor. She wanted to scream.

Hester was true to herself, embraced her label, showed her worst trait freely and it got her nowhere fast! Meanwhile the minister's experience was far from miserable! Of course I'd much rather be dignified Hester than the ignoble Dimmesdale! It is just so much easier said than done! Stupid book!

Her rage against the novel, the author and herself was broken by a text alert. She picked up her phone.

Evan... A link to The Foo Fighters' 'The Pretender' now...

She clicked on the song and listened to the lashing guitars and Dave Grohl growling out that he wasn't one of her plays. The lyrics challenged Emily.

There's definitely anger in that voice... Maybe Evan is calling me fake and I should consider feeling insulted...

The second time she listened to the song, she heard passion instead.

A few days ago, I used music to ask Evan if he could see the real me... Maybe now he's saying that he isn't going to surrender until I tell him who I am...

Emily listened to the song three more times before she was comfortable with that interpretation.

Then she tried to think of song to send back to him that conveyed her feelings. She stared at the picture of Evan on her phone and couldn't ignore how drawn she felt to him.

I want to let him know that I do like him but I'm afraid because everything feels too complicated... But it's undeniable that despite how messy it all seems... with Kelly... and the distance between Brooklyn and New Jersey... I do want to spend more time with Evan....

Finally she decided that 'Animal' by Neon Trees was the perfect response.

Tyler Glenn wailing the alternating chorus that both invites and dissuades an attack on his heart... It just feels like it captures my vacillating emotions and fears...

The response back from Evan was quick.

I want to take you somewhere. Be ready by 8 and wear something you can dance in. OK?