234's Lifelines

85. Looking back

Last time on 234's lifelines,

      Lea came to see Lexis with the story of his mother Rose's past. She explained how Rose was her father's best friends daughter whom they adopted when she(Rose) lost her parents. Telling Lexis how she(Lea) lost her parents, an event that further damaged Rose. Their relationship deteriorated due to Lea's words in a moment of grief worsened by Rose not coming for the burial of her dad. Lea gave him the letter Rose sent to her that caused her to hurry over to California to help Rose while apologizing to him for her wrongs. An apology that Lexis heard but refused to accept asking that she stay far away from his family.

"Life comes at us from out of the darkness. And at times we can struggle to find the courage to face it."

"When life comes rushing at you from our of the darkness, who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light? Or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be someone untested, someone new? Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness, when it does -- is there someone in your life you can count on? Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall? And in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears alone?" - Lucas Scott One Tree Hill

Song: You are the reason - Calum Scott

***

After a long moment of hesitation, Lexis finally opens the letter his mother Rose left Lea and reads it.

"Lea,

        I'm pregnant. 

I'm not too sure how to start this but I figure you won't throw this away if I start from there. A few years back I met a young man named Peter Black, he was wealthy and madly in love with me. I wasn't in love with him I didn't want to be. Everyone I loved always seemed to leave, mum, dad, and our parents. I guess that was why I left, because I was scared of losing you too.

I married Peter with that thought, that as long as I didn't fall in love with him, we'll be okay. My heart and mind will be safe. At least that was what I believed then, who would have known that marrying him would lead me to the love I so dearly ran from?

I met Ryan through Peter. Ryan is Peters brother. 

For years I never could understand why my parents, our parents were so heartbroken after their partners deaths that it led to their demise and hated them for it till I lost Ryan. Losing Ryan opened my eyes, to not just the fact that I was madly in love with him but the depths of my love for him. They say love makes you crazy and I guess it really made me crazy. 

Maybe Ryans death didn't drive me crazy , maybe mum and dads deaths coupled with Ryans caused it...I'm rambling...I seem to be losing my clarity once more so I'll be quick.  I have a child with Peter named Alexander, I call him Lexis. He's the sweetest boy with the most gorgeous blue eyes. Urgh why am I crying? Why am I writing that I'm crying? 

He always asked for a little brother and now I hope I can give him one, to like he says "Love, protect and teach soccer," . 

Lea, this child whom I'm pregnant with is not his fathers' but Ryans. Lexis doesn't know I'm pregnant, at least I don't think he does. But Lexis is smart very smart so maybe he knows.

Lea do you think Lexis will still accept the child as his sibling? I hope he does. I hope they give to each other the love I could never live to give them.