Sanders Sides One Shots: Volume 1 [COMPLETED]

Too Heavy (Prinxiety)

Requested
Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt

It was all too much. Virgil's breathing was labored as he tried to fight the thoughts. Dark, horrible thoughts, attacking him from every direction as he tried desperately to convince himself he wasn't a monster. It didn't matter what he told himself; the voices were too much.

It all felt pointless. Why was he even created? Just to make Thomas paranoid? Sure, the other Sanders Sides and even Thomas himself argued that he made them better, but they had no idea why they felt that way. He took most of the load. All the self deprecating thoughts, all the nightmares, all the anxiety... it was his job to hold the weight of it all so it didn't hurt Thomas or the others.

The weight of the world seemed to be resting on his chest as he attempted to breathe. He couldn't, only just managing to get enough air to stay conscious. Virgil's head spun and his vision swam with tears.

It's too much, it's too much!! I just want it to stop!! he screeched in his head, clutching it as the pain intensified. How can I make it stop!?!!

His eyes snapped open, finding the bottle of sleeping pills on his dresser. His throat was closed up as he attempted to swallow. He used them to help him fall asleep, something that he had an unhealthy amount of trouble with. He often got nightmares, and the pills occasionally provided a dreamless sleep. It was better than nothing.

Virgil looked down at his shaking hands as he weighed the consequences of the choice he was about to make.

What if one of the others finds me? What if I fail? he thought, reaching to pick up to bottle. No, Logan and Patton are outside the mind on a date right now, and Roman went to the Imagination to fight off a dragon witch. They won't be back before these have taken full affect.

Asking himself one last time if he was really about to do this, he nodded to no one in particular, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I-I've h-had enough..." he whispered as he opened the bottle. "T-They'll be happier w-without me..."

Roman has just returned to the Imagination, having found a sketchbook belonging to Virgil he wished to return. He opened the door without knocking, having forgot to. "Hey, Virge, I found your sketchbook-"

His sentence stopped dead as he looked at the anxious Side. He was holding the sleeping pill bottle to his lips, and by the tears and the way his body shook, he could tell what he was about to do. The prince rushed forward, knocking the pills out of his hand. When Virgil tried to reach for them, he pulled him onto his lap, holding him there as he struggled.

"L-Let g-go of me R-Roman!!" he yelled, trying to break free as he sobbed.

The prince didn't have any trouble holding him down, seeing as the anxious Side rarely ate and certainly didn't exercise like he did. Tears were falling from Roman's eyes as he refused to let go despite his protests. There was no way he could just let him do this to himself. He couldn't let him do this to Patton, or to Logan, or to Thomas; and more than anything, Roman couldn't let him do this to him.

Eventually, Virgil tired himself out and he was left to sob in the prince's arms. "Virgil-"

"W-Why did y-you stop m-me!?" he sobbed, hyperventilating. "Y-You'll all b-be h-happier without m-me! I-I'm just a-a monster!! I d-don't deserve t-to be a-alive!!"

His words cut Roman's heart like a knife as more tears fell. He gained as much composure as he could as he shushed him gently. He murmured the breathing technique the anxious Side had once used to rescue him, guiding him back into taking normal breaths of air. The prince started to hum and sing softly, hoping to sooth the crying Side. Though tears still fell from his eyes, Virgil had stopped sobbing. He was simply clinging limply to Roman as he calmed him down.

"Virgil," he breathed, leaning in next closer to him. He looked up at him with tearful eyes, making the prince's heart break. "V-Virgil, please don't ever do that again..."

He bit back a sob, fighting to stay composed. He needed to stay strong to keep Virgil calm. The anxious Side was looking down, avoiding eye contact.

"Why?" Roman asked, voice small and quiet.

Virgil looked at him, shaking his head a little as he answered. "B-Because it w-was too much," he said, voice straining from the soreness in his throat cause by his crying. He looked away. "I-It's j-just too h-heavy, and n-not worth it... i-it's not l-like I matter to anyone..."

"You matter to me," the prince said, taking his chin in his hand to gently pull him to look back at him. Virgil's eyes were wide as he continued. "Virgil, you matter so, so much to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. I care about you more than you could ever know, and that's my fault. I should have told you sooner, helped you... I could've stopped you from getting this bad... I'm so sorry, Virgil... please don't ever do that again."

The anxious Side was watching the normally obnoxious prince act in a completely new way. He was... vulnerable. Roman has just confessed to him, after saving his life from himself. "I-I feel t-the same w-way, you know," Virgil managed, admitting to him that he returned his feelings. Roman's eyes widened and a small shaky smile found its way onto his lips.

"Virgil, may I be your boyfriend? And help you through this?" he asked, earning a small smile and nod from the anxious Side in response. They sat there holding each other for a little while in comfortable silence before Roman spoke again. "I'm going to have to take the pills away, just so you know."

He sounded guilty, and though Virgil didn't want him to, he understood why. "It's for the best. They don't help me enough to make up for what they can do when I'm in this state," the anxious Side admitted softly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't fall asleep easily, and when I do, I normally get nightmares," Virgil admitted. "They help knock me out, and most of the time provide a dreamless sleep, which is better than a nightmare..."

Roman was quiet, feeling guilty. "From now on, I'll sleep with you," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll help you fall asleep, and make sure you don't get nightmares, okay?"

The anxious Side looked at him with wide, glossy eyes. He couldn't believe someone would do that for him. He smiled a little a nodded, leaning into him. Roman continued to run his fingers through his hair as he spoke.

"Thank you, for saving me," Virgil said quietly.

The prince smiled as he turned to look up at him. He brushed his cheek gently with his hand.

"I'll always save you."

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