The Butler and I (BWWM)✔

09

The taste of his lips- they tasted like they always did, they tasted like mint and weed because he wouldn't fucking stop smoking, but I liked it. After smoking he would try to cover it up, so they wouldn't know what he does behind closed doors even though everyone already knew. These are the things that made me fall in love with him or maybe I'm still in love with him. "DuBois," Zoey says next to me making me come back to earth. "You okay?" She asks staring at me.

"Yeah, I'm good, just a little tired," I lie with a smile. I can't stop thinking about that stupid kiss. Juan knows exactly why he kissed me, he knows it'll drive me crazy, it always does. My mom was right, he messes with me, I sigh rubbing my tired eyes. "I'm gonna get some rest," I tell Zoey giving her a hug.

"Yeah, you do that and you might want to figure out what's going on between you and that man that won't stay out of your mind," I laugh and roll my eyes. 

"See you later," I say. I grab my stuff from the counter and walk to the parking lot to get into my car. I open my car door and grab my phone I left in there, I dial Juan's number and wait for him to answer. 

"Get out," I hear him order over the phone, "hey," he says to me. 

"Hey," I say in a low voice. "You still picking up Jake later?" I ask him.

"Yeah, you don't want me to?" He asks.

"I do, I just want to talk to you before you leave, that's all," I say.

"K, " he answers. We both stay on the phone silently not saying a word I could hear his breath, I sigh not knowing what to say.

"Baby, who you talking to?" I hear Gloria asks over the phone.

"None of your business," he answers, "Chris," he calls me, "we'll talk later,"  he says.

"Yeah," I say hanging up the phone. 

'''''''

"Jake, your dad will be here any second, can you please stop walking around the house in your underwear and put some damn clothes on?" I ask Jake who was still in his boxers, I don't know if he thinks he looks hot or anything. He runs up the stairs to put some clothes on. 

The doorbell rings, "Jake," I yell. Jake comes running down the stairs with his bag since he is spending the night at his dad's place. We walk together and go open the door. Jake walks to his father's car and put his stuff down. He enters the car and waits for his father. 

"What did you want to talk about?" Juan asks standing there his hands inside his jean's pocket. 

"You serious?" I ask him, he knows exactly what I want to talk about, "Juan, can you just stop messing with me?" I ask him.

"Mess how?" He asks me playing dumb.

"You know exactly what I mean, you know I still love you and you're getting married next week so stop, I don't have time to play your games," I tell him straight up. 

"Christine, you know I'm not trying to mess with you. I love you, but you know better than anyone else that we can't be together," he approaches me. 

"Yeah, I got that, I'm black and not Hispanic," I tell him, "just stop kissing me and I don't want to talk to you unless it's about Jake," I snap.

"You know it's more complicated than your skin color," he says. He tries to touch my cheek and I pull away looking behind him. He turns to see Jake staring straight at us, he sighs rubbing his eyes. "He'll be here at dawn," he says turning around. I watch as he walks to the car and drives away. 

I open my front door and practically shake the whole house. I lean my head on the door closing my eyes, I could only picture what my mom would say if she saw me like this. I  didn't raise you to be no weak ass bitch she would say. I'm not weak, so many people see a successful woman and expect her to have everything together. That's why women with high IQ's want no relationship because they know when they fall, they'll probably never be able to get back up. 

"You know you can bring the whole house down when you keep slamming the door?" Someone asks, "the door didn't do anything to you," he adds.

I open my eyes to see Luke standing next to me, I sniff nodding my head. "Yeah, sorry to wake you," I tell him with an apologetic smile. 

"Yeah, you okay?" He asks coming closer to me, "what happened?" He asks. He put his thumb on my cheek wiping my tear. "Juan came over," he says looking around. "Jacob says you always end up slamming the door, why?" He asks.

"He just gets on my nerves, that's all," I tell him faking a smile. 

"And makes you cry?" He asks. I chuckle, "Jacob also says that you're still in love with him," he adds.

"Jacob says a lot of things doesn't he?" I ask him, I will kill this kid the next time I see him. 

"Yeah, he does. I guess sometimes he needs someone to rant to about his killer of a dad and his weird mom," he says. I nod my head, maybe I need to talk to Jake more. He has no friends and sometimes I wonder if that's why he acts up. I'm always working and his dad is always smoking or killing someone. 

"Thanks for listening to him," I tell him. I drop my body on the floor pulling my legs to me. Luke does the same sitting next to me.

"You can too," he says.

"I can what?" I ask him.

"Rant to me," he answers, "I'm a very good listener probably because in my mind I'm thinking how crazy your lives are," I chuckle. 

"There's nothing to say," I say shrugging my shoulder. 

"Okay, I'll ask then. Why were you crying?"

I look over at him, his eyes are full of curiosity waiting for an answer. "I wasn't crying, a tear fell from my eyes and the tear fell because of Juan. He just messes with my head you know?" I ask him. 

He nods his head, "why do you let him mess with your head?"

"Have you ever loved someone so much that you have no control over yourself when you're around them?" I ask him. He shakes his head no, "Juan knows that and he kissed me yesterday," I stop taking a deep breath. I don't know why I told him all that, but a part of me trusts him.

"That's why you were looking all weird yesterday?" I nod my head.

"He's getting married next week and his bitch ass wants to tell me he's not messing with me. He wants to say it's complicated when it's not. He chose his family over me and he keeps doing it over and over again, I'm just so tired of it. I swear to God sometimes I wish I wasn't black," I blurt out. 

Luke stares at me, "trust me God put you in this body for a reason, learn to love it. Be proud of it and anybody who doesn't appreciate it doesn't deserve your love," he says. "I out of all people know what it feels like to wish you were someone else to impress people and trust me it leads nowhere. If God wanted you to be white, you were going to be white. If he wanted you to be Asian, you were going to be Asian. If he wanted you to be Hispanic, you were going to be Hispanic. But, you're black," he says. 

He gets up and leaves for his room

AN

Love the body God put you in, if you black adore it, if you white adore it, whatever you are adore it.

No race is better than any other...

To anyone out there who might be hating on themselves out there. Love you all...

Au Revoir...