Adopted by Austin Carlile

Seven Thousand Miles For What?

*Jinxx's POV*

After eating, I hung on to my stomach, moaning and saying, "I think I'm going to explode!". Alan fell on top of me saying, "Me too". He seemed to feel better after some intake of food, thank the high heavens.

"You two are just cry babies, that sushi rocked my world," Austin said, falling on top of the couch. "Oh, Jinxxy, about school -" Austin said, but I quickly cut him off. "I'm going back in a week, on Tuesday," I said, dread filling me up.

"I'm going to go and try to sleep this off," I said, getting up. "Night Alan, night Austin," I said.

"Night," they said in unison.

I wanted to cut again, wanted to feel that release, there was just too many thoughts going on through my head right now. I really didn't want to think about school, which was basically my own personal hell.

I pulled out my blade and added another 5 cuts on my left wrist, and 3 on my shoulder, then hopped into the shower and let the water wash out my cuts. Drying off, I changed into my Spongebob pajamas. I was brushing through my wet hair when I heard Austin knocking at my door.

"One second," I said and pulled on a hoodie to hide my cuts.

Then I opened the door and Austin walked in. "Sup?" I asked him, continuing to brush through my hair.

"The cream, remember?" he asked me. No. Fuck. No. I almost dropped my brush and Austin looked at me quizzically.

"Why are you acting so strange today?" he asked to me suspiciously.

"Huh? Me?" I asked him, damn, it's like he can SEE through me. I'm like an open book or something.

"Yes. Is there something wrong?" he asked me concerned.

"Nope," I said and took the cream from him. "Thanks, I'll put it on after I'm done," I said to him.

"I don't think so. I told you that I will put it on," he said.

"NO" I said a bit too loudly. Austin looked surprised and hurt. I quickly changed my tone and said, "Look, Austin, I'm just used to doing everything by myself and fending for myself and can I just do this by myself?"

"No, it's my responsibility to take care of you, and that is exactly what I'm doing. And I'm the parent, so whatever I say, stays. And it's just some cream-"

"Why can't you just please, just leave me alone," I said to him, on the verge of tears. God, I hate myself so much right now. Pushing everyone away - even those who care even a tiny bit about me.

"You know I won't leave you alone," he said to me. "I'll go get the tablets and come back," he grumbled and left my room.

As soon as he was out of my room, I shut the door, locked it, and sat on my bed. I burst out crying. I didn't want to go back to that orphanage, I didn't want to leave Austin, but once he sees my cuts, he'll send me back. Who wants a girl who cuts as their daughter? 

I heard knocking on the door and Austin saying, "Jinxx Carlile, open this door right now!"

"No," I said feebly, hiding under my blanket. I heard him shout some more, then grow very quiet, and I heard his footsteps receding. I put my head under my pillow and tried to pretend I don't exist.

It didn't work, because after a minute or two, I heard the door being unlocked and Austin saying, "Jinxx, what's wrong? Why are you doing this?". Shit, he has the keys to my room. I didn't think about that.

He gently pulled the blanket off and sat down next to me on the floor. I looked at him from under my pillow and he looked back at me. His eyes were filled with sadness and hurt and anger and confusion. "Why are you acting this way? What happened? What's wrong?" he asked me.

"Nothing," I said and tried to hide my face completely under the pillow. He takes the pillow away though and sees my tear streaked face. Worry lining his eyes, he got up and sat next to me, then scooped me into his arms and hugged me close to him. I put my arms around him and sighed.

I kept quiet as he brushed a stray strand of my hair out of my face.

"What's that?" Austin asked me suddenly.

"Huh?" I looked up at him.

"That, on your wrist," he said. I looked down at my wrist. My sleeve has rolled up and you can just see the bandage peeking out.

"Um, nothing," I said, quickly rolling the sleeve back down.

"Jinxx..." Austin said, recognition dawning on his face as looked at me with sad eyes.

"It's nothing!" I practically yelled.

"Really? Then why don't you roll up your sleeve and show me that 'nothing'?" he looked at me, angry and defiant, not a trace of sarcasm in his eyes. I couldn't bear to look into his eyes, so I looked down. There wasn't anything I could do, my secret was basically out.

He gently took my hand in his and rolled up my sleeve. I didn't try to stop him.

When he unraveled my secret, I was surprised to see that he was on the verge of tears. 'He genuinely cares', I thought to myself.

Before I could say anything, he started to gently take off the bandages. When he took the last bandage off, he looked at my arm, and I could see hurt, sadness, confusion stamped all over his face.

"Oh honey," he murmured, gently stroking my cuts. The cuts were an angry red, standing bright in contrast to my skin.

He then looked me straight in the eyes and asked me, "Why?"

"Sometimes. . .I get a lot of thoughts in my head. Like, my head fills up with all these thoughts of how ugly and worthless I am and how no one would miss me anyway if I was gone. . .Um, I guess I should start packing my bags, but maybe you can take me back tomorrow, it's late now," I said and looked down. I couldn't hold the tears in anymore, they spilled out and ran down my cheeks.

"No honey, you're not worthless! And you're beautiful on the inside and out! And if anything were to ever happen to you, I don't know what I'll do! Wait. . .what do you mean 'start packing your bags'?" he asked me while wiping away my tears.

"Well, considering you don't want a daughter who cuts herself. . ." I said, the first sob escaping me.

"What? Of course I want you! I'm not going to send you back because you cut yourself, I'll help you get over this sweetie!" he said and pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

"Stop crying, please, it's breaking my heart," he said into my hair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings it's just that I expect people to be disappointed and not want me," I said to him.

"But I'm different, you'll see," he said to me and kissed my forehead. God, it felt so good to hear that someone wants me to be their daughter, flaws and all, and not expect me to be perfect.

He looked down at my cuts then and said, "We have to disinfect and bandage them". Getting off the bed, he threw my blanket on top of my pillow and left the room. I waited for him, sitting on the bed and he came back with some spray and clean bandages. He cleaned my cuts out and put the bandages on.

"Where's Alan?" I asked Austin. "He left ten minutes ago," he said.

"Look, Jinxx, you have to promise that you'll never do it again. And mean it, because I will check you from now on," he said to me.

"I promise," I said. He looked at me and smiled, though that smile was filled with sorrow and sadness.

He got off the bed, hesitated, then asked me, "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No. . .yes, if it's not too much trouble," I said to him.

"Trouble? Of course not, I'll just go change," he said leaving the room.

I laid back down on the bed, after draping my hoodie over a chair. Soon after, Austin came back, turned off the light and laid on my bed, pulling me into a hug right away.

"Good night," I said

"Night," he murmured back and began to softly sing When You Can't Sleep At Night. Before he finished singing, I fell asleep, feeling safe in his warm embrace.