Lonely People

Remember, To Let Her Into Your Heart

"Molly," I said.

Ringo was right, Molly was an absolute mess. Her hair was in knots and her face was an unhealthy shade of pale. Dark bags hung underneath her eyes like demons clawing at her skin. She was shaking just enough for me to notice. Her eyes, those big blue eyes I had fallen in love with more than once, were completely broken. She looked like she carried the weight of the world and she didn't do it very well.

Molly hurried to stand, "A-Amelia, I thought you would be here."

"I wasn't," I replied, keeping my voice steady, "But I am now."

Molly rubbed her arm, "I knew you would be, eventually. Nobody answered when I knocked."

"That's not surprising."

We stared at each other for a moment. I did my best to hide my pain behind a mask of anger. It wasn't as difficult as I had expected. Just by looking at her, I was angry. I was angry at her for what she said to me and what she took away. She had effectively built a wall between us all because of her moment of stupidity. Now, we were stuck standing in an empty hallway staring at each other and waiting for the other to say something.

"Well, this has been a lovely chat," I spat, my voice laced with sarcasm, "But I'm going inside."

Molly stepped to block the door, "No-wait, I came here to say something."

"Really? Cause it seems like you came here to stare at me like a bloody tourist or somethin'."

"No, Melly, listen," Molly stated, "I've got something to say and I'm going to say it and you're going to fucking listen."

I crossed my arms, "Get on with it, then."

Molly took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did and said, I didn't mean it. I was-angry. Not at you, at everything else. At the world, really, for taking my mother away. You were the closest person and I-I see that I took advantage of that. I'm sorry, Melly, I'm so sorry."

A few tears traced crooked lines down her flushed cheeks. I felt a stab of sympathy, but my face remained placid. I simply stared at her.

"I lied," Molly admitted, "Everything I said was a bloody lie! I do need you and I love you more than anything. I don't know how to function now, everything seems so bleak. Reality seems fake, in a way. I don't-I don't know- maybe I'm going insane. All I know is that I love you and that's the reality."

I wasn't sure how to reply. She seemed genuine, everything she said seemed more genuine than what she said the last time we came face-to-face. Her eyes were broken once before but, as she spoke, they became resolved. I could see her determination in the situation.

When my mother died, I was never the same. I lashed out for a few weeks. Dad was the most common recipient of these lashing outs. I had said a lot of things I didn't mean, and Dad had forgiven me on the spot. Molly was no different, I could see that now. She had lost her father not even a full year before, of course her pain was worse. I should have thought before I ran.

Then again, she did say a lot of things. She lashed out in full force. Instead of tiny shouts and screams like I did, she bundled it all up and released hell all at once. That was not something that could be forgiven immediately, but it could be understood.

I understood. I knew what Molly was going through. She was lost in a time where everybody was giving her directions. The world around her was black-and-white and she was left wondering where the colors had gone. I knew how she felt because I had been there myself. Out of everyone in the entire world, I was the one who knew exactly what she was going through.

"Really?" I asked, "You seemed pretty sure when you said you didn't love me."

Molly shook her head, "I know, I was angry. I can't make excuses, but I was. What I said wasn't true and I've hated myself for it. I'm so sorry, Amelia."

"Anger is like a drug," I muttered.

"Exactly, it is, a crazy drug that gives people the worst highs they regret the next morning," Molly said, "I'm sober now. Right now, in this moment, I'm telling you the truth when I say I love you with all I am and all I'll ever be."

I still remembered the first time we met, whenever we fell down those stairs at The Liverpool Institute. We had come so far since then. Through trials and tribulations, we had stuck together. We've gone through heartache, loss, anger, fear, and even death together. Through it all, Molly and Amelia were an inseparable team, and that wasn't about to stop now.

"We've been through so much together, when you said that, I thought I had died inside," I said, "I felt like the world was ending."

Molly broke a little more under my gaze, "Oh, God, I-"

"You're sorry, I know, you've said that."

"I am," Molly sniffed, "I am."

I shook my head, "When my Mum died, I did the same thing. I lashed out at Dad most of all. Most parents would have hit me or grounded me for life, but my Dad forgave me. He's done a lot of wrongs in his life, but I suppose that was one right."

Molly simply stared at me. We stood like that for a few moments. Part of me didn't want to forgive her. That tiny spiteful part of me wanted her to suffer for a bit longer, but the larger, more compassionate, part of me knew otherwise. She was already in enough pain, as was I. We would get back together eventually, both of us knew that. It might take a bit of time before we were back to what we were originally, but you have to start somewhere. Every good makeup starts with three words.

"I forgive you," I said.

Molly's face lit up, "You do?"

"Yeah, I can't stay mad at you forever. You may be a complete fucking wanker, but I love you anyways."

Molly rushed forward to hug me. I gratefully accepted it, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and squeezing. She buried her face in my neck just like she did before our argument. I felt like I had returned home whenever she hugged me. Home is where the heart is, and my heart always has been and always will be with Molly.

"I love you," Molly whispered.

I smiled, "I love you too, you absolute git."

"I deserved that."

"Yes you did, you tosser."

"And that."

"Daft bugger."

"Are you done?"

"Almost, you arse," I grinned, "That's all I've got."

Molly smiled, "You forgot nutter."

"Oh, yeah, definitely that."

We both laughed. It felt good to laugh with Molly again. She hadn't laughed in weeks, and I thought we might never laugh together again. It felt like we were finally putting all the pain behind us. We could move on, once and for all. We could go back to our happy lives together without any pain. 

(Photo- Amelia and Molly, 1965. Taken by Ringo Starr.)