us ➳ jack gilinsky

xvii.

February, 16, 2014

Jack,

       Why does it all have to be so complicated? I hate it, I hate this. I don't know why the fuck I'm still wasting my time thinking about you, and I don't know why the fuck I'm still wasting my time writing these letters. It's not like you're ever going to read them, so why the hell am I still bothering?

        Oh yeah, that's right. Because I'm hopelessly in love with you. Because when I was down, you were there. I was alive, but at the same time, I was not. I was alive for my body was there, breathing. But my soul, it was not there; it was broken and lost. It was suffocating and I was unable to cope with things. But then you came along. You came along into my life that one March afternoon, and you rescued me from my misery. And somehow along our journey, I had fallen in love with you.

       But now that you are gone, I feel as if I am going absolutely insane. I know I've said this before, but I mean it. I feel like my mind is suffocated with thoughts of you, haunting me in the most desirable yet discriminating ways. And I don't think I can take it much longer.

       The demons in my head are telling to give up, to end it all. And right now, I'm feeling as if that's the way to go.

       I feel as if I don't have a purpose on this planet anymore, Jack. I don't have you anymore. I know I have people who care about me, but why the hell do I feel so empty and alone? I used to be so happy when you were around, I used to be so lively. But now, I am nothing. Once again, I am unable to breathe. My body is now frequently, and always, feeling numb. I often feel the vacancy in my heart, the hollowness that not even a million stars could fill.

       I really do not know whether I can take this much longer. But for now, I guess I will lie in bed and reminisce all the good times we have spent together, because, you, Jack, are what brings me happiness.

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