us ➳ jack gilinsky

xi.

February, 10, 2014

Dear Jack,

Today I was remembering what it had been like watching you up on stage for the second time. It was at Magcon, and you were nervous. You were so incredibly nervous that you wouldn't stop fidgeting with your damn fingers as you made your way up to the mic.

"This is a song me and my bestfriend, Jack wrote," you had said.

I remember sitting there, watching a handful of people in the crowd begin to whisper silly incoherent things about you. I didn't understand though, because I was pretty sure every damn person in that room adored you. But I guess, maybe I could have been wrong. I highly doubt it though.

Anyways, I never changed my opinion on you, not since the day I first saw you on vine, and definitely not when you had let me and Amber into magcon.

I sat there, waiting for you to sing. Jack Johnson started first, singing a great set of words strung together that had made it sound better than most things I have ever heard. But, then you sang, Jack. You sang out loud. And I knew in that moment, that everybody's opinion on you had changed. I could tell you were nervous, yet, you didn't stop singing. You let your voice flow through you, projecting a calm and heavenly sound around everyone in the room. To this day I am still amazed at how beautiful your voice truly is. And as you continued to sing, I felt as if I understood you. You had a smile plastered across your face, even despite the fact that things weren't really okay like you said they were, and even if you weren't really happy. But that was okay because I knew you were strong enough to get through it.

And even though I didn't know your story, I still understood you, I could see your struggle to keep a smile plastered on your face. And now I realize that that is really why I fell for you that day; because even in your darkest hours, you still had the ability to keep a smile on your face, and you still had the ability to make others smile. And I thought you were incredible for that.

That's when it all really started. It was just you, singing a song with such an incredible amount of emotion. And when your eyes somehow locked with mine as you sheepishly gazed around the crowded room, I somehow knew that, in a way, you understood me too. Even if you hadn't really known me.

But that's the thing; you don't fall for the people who know you, but for the ones who understand you. You fall for the people who know what it's like to go through the same things that you've gone through. You fall for the people who can understand you, and ultimately, stay with you no matter how hard it is to keep you happy. Because to them, your happiness is all that matters.

And you know what? No matter what the hell is going on, I think you'll be okay. I know you'll be okay, because you're Jack, and you can find joy in almost anything you do. Just as I myself, found joy in you.

With lots of love,
Ashley