Audition [Daragon]

Target 8: Heartbroken And Miserable

Author: Dedicated to ShanneNicole! New Reader again! KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE! Enjoy the update! :))

Dara's P.O.V


"Where are we going?" I ask, nervously then shift my gaze to our intertwined hands, which were another reason why I am not comfortable. If Teddy Appa or Youngbae will see me with him, I will probably die of embarrassment or shame. It's just that, it has been a complete 2 months since we broke-up and seeing me with another guy-being comfortable with each other-will somehow make him think I'm a flirt or B with an itch. Not just a flirt, but he will think that I broke up with him because I love Jiyong Oppa, but that will never happen because I promised myself not to fall very quickly or else I will experience pain again. I do not want to see the Topbom couple dating in our apartment again and me, sitting on a corner, watching them, as they get lovey-dovey. 


"We're going to meet a couple of people in YG family. You belong to our family now since I've chosen you as my leading lady in my MV." He says looking at every door we will pass. My heart raced with his sentence. Omo, does that mean we are going to see Youngbae? Or we will see Teddy Appa? Or both at the same time? Aigoo, both of my mind and heart are not yet ready! I promised myself not to see them until I have moved on or have completely forgotten about it. Therefore, when I will see Youngbae, we will start in being friends again or best friends. Just as every ex-lovers do. Be friends at the start, also at the end. Just like at every tragedy drama I watch in these past few days. Just like that. Just as simple as that.


"Jiyong-ah, I don't want to see him." I mumble, but audible enough for him to hear. He just continues with what he is doing, looking at every door we pass. I puff my cheeks out, mentally cursing him for being rude. Is he gone deaf or just playing? If he wants me to meet Youngbae then he should say it in front of my beautiful face! It is rude to act deaf in front of a beautiful woman like me. Heller, I am just one of a kind. Even a blind person will swoon over me just by hearing my voice. He should be happy he is having an opportunity of holding my soft and delicate hands that are meant only for the person I love. Even Youngbae, who started as my friend, did not have a chance until he became my boyfriend to hold my hand. Bom and Top is another issue, they have been my friends for a long time. But Jiyong?! Wow, he is a complete stranger to me. Except for a fact that I know he is G-Dragon in the music scene and has a group named Big Bang, which informed by Bom, who just told me before I audition as a precaution. 


I puff my cheeks again. "J-Jiyong Oppa, I don't want to see Young-


Before I can continue my sentence, he covers my mouth with his free hand. I glare at him, mentally killing him with my mind. How dare him to stop me in my mid-sentence. He, who I do not know where he really lives or where did he grow up. Aigoo, this guy, you cannot predict what he is going to do every nanosecond. He is like Bugs Bunny or Tom in Tom and Jerry with the way he acts. I then just realized the magic word just to make him listen to me and that made him cover my mouth. I called him at the first sentence 'Jiyong-ah' which he clearly stated not to call him that, but I did not mention Youngbae's name and did not spare a glance at me. As for the second sentence, I called him 'Oppa' which he clearly stated that I should call him that, but I mentioned Youngbae's name and he covered my mouth. Therefore, I see, that is why he covered my big mouth. I should have realized it earlier so I should not have acted stupidly.


I gaze at his deep brown eyes that were looking deeply at mine too. It sparkled like Edward Cullen of Twilight when he is under the sun. Our gap, which is just an inch, is killing me. I can hear him breathe and so am myself. His long eyelashes are tickling my forehead, making me crease inwardly. I trace his features inwardly and silently until I reach his red soft thin lips that were tempting me, taking every ounce of self-control in me. I admit I have not had my first kiss. I wanted to give it to my future husband so I am saving it. Youngbae, somehow, understand when I told him that thing, but with Jiyong's lips, I think I cannot get to that dream without ridding Jiyong from staying by my side. 


"We're in YGE, so keep your mouth shut if you don't want them to know you have a past with...that guy." He warns and takes his hand off my mouth. He moves back and starts to walk again, checking every door we pass by again. I clutch on to my chest using my free hand, finding my heart beating rapidly. That was close; I am just too close from being a kissing bandit. What I am thinking just now? Kissing Jiyong and not making my dream come true because of his tempting lips? But just how many girls tasted it? Does it taste delicious? Yummy? Tasty? Salty? GAAAAHHHHHH! What am I thinking? Sandara, why have you thinking of kissing Jiyong? Aigoo, you did not even know how to kiss or...GAH!


"Jiyong Oppa, where are we going?" I ask, tugging his shirt lightly like a child. He spares a glimpse then ahead again. Then, I do what he is doing right now, checking every door we pass. It makes me dizzy somehow. The kind of dizzy that everything is moving in your eyes and you can feel that the Earth is spinning under your feet. It makes me puke somehow. 


"Oh, we're going to Teddy Appa."


"Teddy Appa? Are you sure?" I ask, tapping my chin. I just then realize he said 'Teddy Appa'. Maybe I was too preoccupied in my thoughts I did not realize it earlier. I should have added, "Are you insane?" on my sentence. But if there is one person I will be gratitude about, well, it is Teddy Appa, though I do not want to face him right now or sooner. I was too scarred by what happened 2 months ago and seeing him will not make the scar heal fast. He is a part of it after all; I mean the start of it. 


"Yeah, I think you have already met him since he knows you and all." Jiyong Oppa says, not minding to look back or take a glimpse at me. "If you wouldn't mind if I ask, did his fans knew you were his girlfriend?" 


I pause for a moment, taking my time if I will tell him or not. He did deserve an explanation after all. He kinds of know just a remark of our relationship and it will help me if he knew about this, since he did promise me he will help me move on. "Well, his fans only know that he has girlfriend so I kind of hear the rumors they are spreading around. No one knew I was his girlfriend except for Teddy Appa, Bom and her boyfriend." 


Well, Youngbae was worried for my safety and our privacy so he kind of did not lurk out who was his girlfriend. He just stated in an interview that he has a girlfriend now and he is super in love with her-which made Bom and me jump on my bed, causing it to break. His fans have a special cafe where they always meet up and I knew about it when I joined their fan club. I always go there and that is how I end up knowing some rumors about Youngbae's relationship with me. I know the truth, but we broke up-and that is another reason why. As for my broken bed, well, Youngbae bought me a new one together with new sheets-his face is the design of the pillow sheets. He even sprayed some of his perfume on the pillows that is why at night, I feel like I am hugging him. He is a very crazy boyfriend, no?


I take up some courage then ask, "Why did you ask?"


"Oh, I was just wondering because you're not threatened, thrown eggs whenever they see you or being broadcasted on
TV shows." He says, stopping in a halt. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to notice and bumped my head against his back, earning a whine from him. I whine too, but then when I realize what I had done, I jerk my head back. I apologize quickly, doing some bows and then he turns his face to me, kneeling slightly to see me face to face, making me stop from bowing. 


There I was again, his lips tempting me to kiss him, but I do not want to do it. I do not know how to kiss after all. His gaze, on the other hand, was lock to mine and warm feelings are creeping up to my face. It has been just a little so my face is just as rosy as his is. He smiles at me and grabs his cap using his free hand-his other hand is still holding my hand-from my head, which made me, jerk back. 


"If Teddy Appa will see the cap, he'll be suspicious." He whispers and inserts the cap inside his jacket, taking his grasp off my hand in the process. I wonder how many pockets are inside. I mean, Youngbae's cap and handkerchief are also inside if I can remember clearly. Anyways, I want to have a jacket like that because if ordinary people will have that, no one will be caught of pick pocketing. You will do pick pocketing without anyone noticing you have done it. As for me, I want to have it for hiding Bom's health products. She loves it too much; she never wanted someone to hold it. She even loves it more than me, but I do not know if she loves it more than Top. 


Jiyong knocks three times on the door, calling, "Teddy Appa?"


Teddy Appa shouts from the inside, telling him to enter and I step back in fear. Jiyong takes a glimpse at me before twisting the knob, pushing the door in and I take that moment to hide myself behind Jiyong. He greets Teddy Appa while I hide myself behind him, clasping to his shirt like a kid and making sure Teddy Appa will not see me quickly. I can feel my heart race when I heard him greet Jiyong and my sweats are dropping endlessly from my forehead. Some of my sweats also thicken on my back and when one falls down, it brought down cold to my back.


Sing.My inner tells me. Sing in your mind. It will subside your fear.


I sigh, thinking that my inner is right and choose a song from the songs Bom and me always sing. I am a little uneasy in my state so maybe singing a Gloria Gaynor song will make me at ease a little. I gather up myself, taking a very deep breath and sing while looking at Jiyong's back. 


At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side
Then I spent so many nights Just thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

"And so you're back from outer space." I clap my hands over my mouth when I realize I had blurted out a part of the song, but the sound already escaped. Jiyong looks at me, curiously raising a brow and I quickly focus on Jiyong's shirt, scared to meet his gaze. My face turns hot and I was unable to comprehend what I was doing.


Stupid!I tell myself. You are such an idiot!


"Ah, Dara. You are there all along." 


I peer at the side of Jiyong, finding Teddy Appa on his usual seat near his computer. He smiles at me, the one that reaches up to his ears and chuckles. Gahd, I admit I miss him. When I run up to him when I have problems. When I am here in his studio, recording any song I want to sing. When Youngbae and I hang out with him. It was one of the finest times of my life and seeing him again after 2 months is a miracle. I mean, I promised myself not to see him again right? Therefore, meeting him in my not-so-good state is a great miracle for me.


"Appa" I utter, showing some aegyo without noticing. He smiles at me, somehow assuring me not to be afraid of him. I puff my cheeks and breathe out. I step to my right, showing myself to Teddy Appa while my hand is still clutching at Jiyong's shirt, so it stretched a bit. 


"I just walked in to find you here, with that sad look upon your face." He sings with his eyes closed, imitating a professional singer that made my lips form into a curve. Gahd, he is still funny without effort. He is still my Teddy Appa. One time, he joked about Youngbae and me. He said that, when we decide to marry each other in the future, he will be the priest, but being the priest has its own reasons too. He said he wanted to be the priest so when the time for the vows, he will punch Youngbae straight in the face whenever he says something unbelievable. Like, "I've loved you since we were kids." or "You're my first love.", But that will never happen because Youngbae and I are already through. However, if ever our relationship lasted until today, could I be this sad? Could I be the happiest girl on earth? Or maybe the luckiest? 


"Are you singing 'I Will Survive' in your mind a while ago?" He asks smiling awkwardly and I assume he was referring to me. I try my best not to be hysterical, but his presence is killing me inside. Killing me with ice picks or worse, guns. It is a complete nightmare and I am unable to keep up my pace of risking every bit of missing him by standing stoic beside Jiyong. I just want to run up to him and hug him tightly like I want to take the only oxygen he has out of his body, but I cannot. I will not and what I need right now is self-control. 


"Uh-huh, Appa." I answer, finding the ground interesting enough because I was too embarrassed. Jiyong chuckles loudly while clasping on his stomach as if he cannot get hold of it. My eyes trail up, but my head was still hung low. I see Teddy Appa covering his mouth with one hand, but it was too obvious he is laughing and he is resisting it. I pout, not because I am angry they laughed at me, but because I am embarrassed. When I was bright Dara back then, I always sing songs in my mind and Bom, Teddy Appa or Youngbae will guess it. But I always end up spilling the first phrase of the second verse-like what I did a while ago-so they kind of always guess the song pretty quickly and that made Bom always want to play it with me. 


"Oh, I forgot that I need to meet YG Appa today. He said we need to discuss a few things before the release of my album." Jiyong suddenly gasps, looking at his cell phone. "I'll be back after a few minutes."


"Sure, go on Jiyong. I'll accompany Sandara for you." Teddy Appa answers, intertwining his hands while it rested on his lap. I gasp when I realize Jiyong is leaving me alone with Teddy Appa, lifting my head up to see Jiyong. He was about to exit the studio when I called his name together with the suffix, Oppa that made Teddy Appa chuckle behind me.


"I'll be back after a few minutes. Don't go home yet, arasso?" He says, pointing a finger at me and I nod, hesitantly. Gahd, I do not want to be left here together with Teddy Appa. I stare at Jiyong's back, unable to follow him because he said so. 


"Mind if you sit down first Dara? It is pretty entertaining to see you shaking in fear just in front of me. You never really fail to amuse me." Teddy Appa says just behind me and I, as if on cue, creepily turn my head to him in slow motion like in horror films. He chuckles again and turn his swiveling chair towards his computer, ogling through YGE songs again-I guess. I made my way to his luxurious bed, which is the sofa and sit down, plopping my body on. It made a blag sound as my body made contact with it, but I did not even care. I am not much of a pride person so sitting even I am in the midst of fear of talking to Teddy Appa is not a big sin for me. My body is more exhausted than it used to be. My morning has been longer than it should. I had a mini argument with the TopBom couple, met Jiyong, had Jiyong's cap and handkerchief, forced to call Jiyong 'Oppa' and met Teddy Appa, again. I wonder if something will happen today, but I do not want to add meeting Youngbae to my expectations. It is rather painful than meeting Teddy Appa today. It will be like, both heaven and hell crashed on me. 


"So, how was your 2 months of hiding away from YGE?" Teddy Appa asks, still ogling on his computer. I sigh, placing my palm on my forehead as I reminisce how painful it is to be hiding away from 2 people that are important also to me. 


"Painful. My tears will not give up even after 2 months. I didn't know moving on will be this..." I pause for a moment, finding some air to breathe as I resist my tears from falling. "Hard."


"Oh, that's really bad." Teddy Appa exclaims in a soft tone. "Youngbae will have a cameo in Jiyong's MV."


"Cameo? With whom?" I gasp, my heart thudding loudly against my chest and my tired demeanor changed, removing my hand from my face. Teddy Appa turns his swiveling chair to me, his face showing some emotions I cannot even tell or comprehend. I did not know I even say the word 'with whom?'. I just do not want to see Youngbae or I will be hurting myself again. What if he moved on before me? What if he already had replaced me? Oh God, please do not do this to me because in life, what ifs are the most painful of all and my what ifs are painful enough to hear or thought. 


"I don't know, but Jiyong wanted to have him in one of his MVs, because in his first solo album, Youngbae only featured one song." He says. "The director liked his idea, but it wasn't finalized until they have the lead lady for his MV."


"Oh good God." I mumble, my hands against each other as I stare at the ceiling as if I was praying. If there is one thing I do not want to do this early, it's to have Youngbae in a same workplace. Before I was accepted in the audition, I am working at a cafe just to pay my share in our apartment that's why I love living my life that way, but Bom resigned me as soon as she knew that I was accepted in the audition and that was a few hours ago. So working in YGE is...surreal, for me. It is like a big nightmare that I want to end it quickly. I did not know loving Bom so much could hurt. 


My heart raced when I heard a familiar voice, knocking on the door while he calls, "Teddy Appa?" 


"Hide me! Hide me!" I frantically whisper to Teddy Appa, hysterical. He nods, agreeing somehow and motions me to go inside the recording room just behind the computers. I nod and just in a nanosecond, I rush through the room, sitting on the floor to hide myself before locking the door beside me. As if I was scared, I push my knees near to me and hug it as if it was only my support. I rest my head on my knees while mumbling incoherent words under my breath. Now I am doomed, terribly doomed.


"Appa, what took you so long to open the door?" Youngbae's voice brings down chills to my spine, giving me a hard time to breathe normally. I take a sharp intake of breath before taking it out. The air conditioner is on, but I feel a lot hotter than what is Australia experiencing right now. Teddy Appa must have turned the microphone on in purpose because I can hear Youngbae plop his body on the couch heavily. 


My tears betrayed me, flowing endlessly across my cheeks. I quickly wipe it away, but no use it keeps on flowing. I didn't know I missed him this much that I feel the urge to go out of the room and hug him quickly. I had to restrain myself so I can give Youngbae the life he wanted. If I will continue on being his girlfriend, his fans will hate him and it'll probably affect his career. It'll probably have an effect on Big Bang too. I don't want to see him wreck his life because of me. Love is all about giving. It's about generosity despite of your needs.


"What are you doing here?" Teddy Appa asks and I assume he is nearer to the microphone because his voice is rather louder than Youngbae. I hear Youngbae heave a sigh and mumble some cursing words that I don't want to name. 


"I...just don't want to be alone in my misery." Youngbae says, choking on tears. His cry made the whole studio eerily silent and even Appa did not dare to talk first. I cross my legs and hug myself as I purse my lips in a thin line, controlling my sobs of being heard. Almost gently, I rest my back on the wall, but careful enough not to make a noise. 


"Today...today is our monthsary. Exactly 2 months, 2 months if ever she didn't break-up with me." Youngbae says, his cries making my heart break into pieces. "I...I was a good boyfriend aren't I? Why...why would it lead her in breaking up with me? Am I possessive, dominant or a jerk for her to do that?"


Before Appa can answer, Youngbae beat him to it. "I wanted to call her that exact day, but a part of me betrayed. If I call her, will she answer? If I call her, will our relationship last a little longer? She said she loves me, but why? Why did she break-up in the first place?" 


I clutch on to my chest, my heart stinging in my ribcage. It hurts. It hurts to hear him whine about what I had done. He blames himself for what I had done. Can anyone tell me if I am a bad person for breaking our hearts? Can at least someone tell me if I am a jerk for doing it! I feel like a bad person now with what he is saying. What will I do now? I feel like the jerkiest jerk ever.


"Youngbae, can you tell me why'd she told you that you two are through?" Teddy Appa asks his voice is softer than before. I hold the sides of my head and without any effort; I became what I am after the break-up, miserable. 


"She said that our relationship was a lie which I think it isn't. She also said that it was one-sided." Youngbae says and groans after. "I beg her to stay, but she was...persistent."


My throat went instantly dry that even my saliva cannot make it wet. I gulp, hurting my throat in the process. Using my thumb, I rub the sandpaper-like surface of my tongue and retrieve it afterwards. I cuddle my head between my folded knees, my tears starting to fall again from my already puffy red eyes. In circular motions, I rub my face against my knees, but the tears will not stop. 


"You know, Dara is experiencing something that you don't know. I guess, she decided not to tell you about it since it's very...hard." Appa says and without even looking, I can see the sad face of his. 


"I was her boyfriend am I? Why won't she tell me about it? Can't she trust me?" Youngbae says, his voice rising a bit that it had an echo in the room. It was enough, just enough for me to blame myself truly. Youngbae is right, if I trust him, I should have told him about it. He should have defended himself from those rumors. However, will it make me a bad girlfriend? Because, if I tell him all about it, does that make him hate his fans? Oh, I am not that bad to destroy the fan-idol relationship he created. It is too much that I cannot handle it myself. 

Then I suddenly became thrilled and more interested when Teddy Appa asks him, “Do you still love her? Do you still want to be called ‘Youngbabe?”

Teddy Appa imitated how I call Youngbae when we were still… lovers. Youngbabe. It is romantic and sweet, but every time I find myself mentioning it, our memories hunt me down. However, today, Teddy Appa made my inner self smile with his imitation of me, calling Youngbae,Youngbabe.

My heart suddenly beats rapidly as if it wanted to go out of my ribcage, my lips parted and my tears stopped from flowing when Youngbae answered, “Yes, I still do love her. Yes, I still want her to call me Youngbabe.”


Jiyong's P.O.V


I saw Youngbae walking towards Teddy's studio when I was on my way to YG's office. It got me anxious so I clear things out with the president very faster than it should be. I even answered 'Yes' when he asked me if I love Top and it clearly made him concerned. So, I lied to him that I was not feeling well today because I am over-worked and I needed some rest. He reluctantly agreed and dismissed me. He just scheduled our meeting tomorrow to finish things for my album and I quickly agreed to it. Before I storm out of his office, he quickly told me I should have a night long rest today because I was acting weird and I just said yes to it. 


If ever Top will see me in this state he'll probably tell me I was acting like Dara's boyfriend, scared that her ex-boyfriend might see her again and they'll fall in love again biddy biddy blah blah. I am just anxious because you know, as a friend of Dara, I am worried for her. I am just protecting her as an older brother because she is fragile and sensitive like a...girlfriend. Gahd, what am I thinking? Jeez, do not ever mention anything about it. I am not in my state of proper thinking when I said that. Just think that I did not blurt something starting with 'G' or if ever it cannot get off your mind, just think the word is G-Dragon or Goliath. 


Slowly, my walk transforms into sprints and before I know, I arrive at Teddy's studio. I take a deep breath, gathering myself up and twist the doorknob, pushing the door inside. I peer in, seeing Appa sitting on the table with crossed arms and a sad look on his face. Without any consent, I help myself in and was shocked to see Youngbae sitting on the couch, not Dara because I know, a few minutes ago, Dara was the one I left here, but she is not in the room. I jerk a bit, taken aback with his presence and then greet him. "Wassup men?"


He turns his attention on me, his frown turning into a forced smile. "Fine. What about you?"


"Hard." I shrug, my lips turning lopsided and raise my hands in midair, showing him how busy I am before the launch of my album. He stands up from his seat and does a manly handshake with me, the one with many bumps and all sorts of things. That is when I notice his eyes were puffed and red that looks like he just cried or something. 


"Practicing drama?" I ask, eyeing his eyes with my lips turning into a curious smirk.  He touches one eye and chuckles sadly. 


"Uh-huh. I'm getting ready for one of your MVs incase it requires big time drama." He says, still with a forced smile and brushes his shoulders against mine, exiting the room without even saying goodbye to Appa. In a nanosecond, I lock the door as soon as he was away enough. 


"Where's Dara?" I ask, tossing my bag on his couch in a rapid move. Appa points his thumb across his shoulders and I trail his thumb, finding myself looking at the recording room behind him. Then the door opens, revealing a haggard looking Dara, head hung low and her hair is  much messier than before. Her knees were parted and shaking just like her arms beside her. Her clothes were a bit soggy, especially her jeans.  I raise a brow, unable to comprehend why she hid there.  Because if I were she, I will face Youngbae to clear things out and be friends, like what New Yorkers do.  Before I realize, Dara did a few strides towards me, wraps her arms around me and cry as if it was the end of the world. I securely rub my palm against her back, hushing for her to calm down.


The moment she speaks up, it stung my heart. "J-Jiyong Oppa."

Author: Sorry for my Daragon readers because there's not enough Daragon moments. But I'll try my best to have a good outcome!

I made it 5k, but because of that the next update will be a little sooner. But it wasn't that really long because the only thing that I add is the ‘thoughts’ of the characters. Though throught that, you will have a recap of their past or their feelings right?

Updating in 5k is rather hard because the site won’t work faster. It’s very frustrating! GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

I’ll try better next update! Aja! Fighting!

Daragon HWAITING!

Don’t forget to leave a comment!