Different Worlds

A Little Help

A few more weeks past and things finally started to get better, as it seemed.  Sophia's night terrors were almost non-existed again.  I was happy about that.  Our family seemed to be happy.  Only thing I wasn't happy about, was that I was out of work.  I couldn't go back to my old job, I just couldn't.  I went and put in a few resumes in at other law firms and Seth was being supportive.  Seth wanted me to be fully happy again.  No one in LA was biting tho cause well the incident cause he was my colleague.  I was feeling at a lost.  Then one particular day, I got a phone call from New York, it was a law firm there that saw I was looking for a job and wanted me to come on.  I was very excited but then remembered that meant I would have to work in New York.  So many problems came into play with that.  Biggest one, Seth worked in LA.  I couldn't ask him to give it up.  I didn't turned them down, I just told them I had to think about it.  But I knew it probably wouldn't happen.  I actually became depressed after the phone call.  I wanted the job, I wanted to go back to work.  But I couldn't ask Seth to give up what he loved for me to go after a job I wanted.  It wouldn't be fair.  I was home and he came home early, before the kids came home from school.  He wasn't home early much so I was surprise to see him.  He walked in and looked tired.  He sat down next to me on the couch and exhaled.  He looked exhausted.  I smiled at him, "You have a half a day and you look that exhausted."

"Yeah, well, it was a day."  He breathed.  Then he looked at me and asked, "How was yours?"

"Uneventful."  I lied.

He looked over to me and grinned.  "A few more hours till the kids come home, we could fool around."

He moved in to kiss me and I put my hand on his chest to stop him.  "I'm not in the mood."

He pulled back and looked concerned.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."  I lied as I gave him a small smile.  "Just not in the mood to have sex."

"No, you always want to have sex, so I know something is wrong.  What is it?"  He asked, more sternly.

I sighed as I knew he wouldn't let it go.  I looked at my hands and said, softly, "I got a job offer..."

"That is great!"  Seth got excited.

"...in New York."  I finished.

"Oh."  He realized why I wasn't excited.

He sat back in his seat and I looked at him as I watched him feeling bad.  I quickly took his hand and smiled.  "It's okay, Seth.  I am okay here."

"No, your not.  Not being out of work, I can see that."  Then he turned to me and moved a leg on the couch.  "I don't want to be that husband that is in the way of his wife's career for whatever reason.  This isn't fair to you."

I cupped his cheek and smiled.  "Baby, I am okay.  I love it here with you and the kids.  I love what I have."

"Why doesn't it seem like you seemed so unfulfilled?"  He asked.

I moved my hand from his cheek and sat back on the couch.  I breathed out.  "I am bored, Seth.  My job gave me purpose.  I know the kids and you do too.  But my job gave me an identity.  I wasn't another woman who stayed at home with her kids while her husband made the money.  We worked as a team and I loved that.  I hate sitting here and feel useless."

"You are not useless."  He said to me.

"I know that."  I looked at him as I said.  Then looked away.  "But I feel that way.  At least with me working, I felt like I was doing something for myself and for our family.  I felt like I contributing in some way.  I know I didn't make as much money as you do, but I still was doing pretty damn good.  I felt like I was doing something for our family.  I do feel unfulfilled here, not doing anything.  I liked working while the kids were at school and coming home and doing for my family.  I felt like I was doing something greater.  I know it is stupid but I loved it.  It was my life.  I was an asset to our family.  That was important to me.  But now, I feel like nothing.  I need to work Seth."  Then I looked at him.  "But not at cost of you not working either.  We will figure something out.  We always do.  Cause we are a team and always have been and always will be."