Different Worlds

Slowly Becoming Oneself Again

It's been a month and a half when I woke up in my new room. I was now in a psychiatric ward. I felt helpless, hurt, and angry. Most of all, I felt alone. I wanted more then anything to end my suffering then. Seth visited me at least twice a week and at first, I was still so pissed at him. I would go out there as I didn't have a choice but I wouldn't speak to him. He would try to talk to me but I would ignore him and stay silent. He would beg and plea for me to understand but I couldn't. I only was more angry at him for putting me away. I thought he would rather lock me away then have me with him and the kids. Maybe it was best. But as time went by and I went to my sessions and group therapy, I realized, that something was wrong with me. That I was more fucked then I thought. I learned that the way I felt after the rape was normal but I shouldn't feel that way as it wasn't my fault, regardless of the situation. I started to realize more what happened to me, didn't make me nothing, just was a fucked up situation that happened to me. I started to deal more with what happened to me. As more time passed, I also slowly came around to Seth. It was more conversations how the kids were doing and how I was progressing at first but I was still angry at him. Then I went to being able to smile when he came around as I was happy to see him and couldn't wait for our next visit. We were back to cracking jokes and laughing. The more happy I got, the more Seth got happy. I saw it in him. I was even more affectionate towards him. Hugging him and kissing him when he came in, to holding his hand as he was there. I could tell the first time I showed him affection, it threw him. I walked out after a few weeks being there, realizing finally that Seth was only doing what was best for me and the kids. Trying to only help me, not hurt me. That probably making the decision was a hard one for him. I felt bad for how I was acting towards him. As soon as I saw him once the realization came in, I had to hug him. I remember walking to him and throwing my arms around him and buried my head into his chest. I could tell he was shocked by this. But he hugged me back. Then I kissed him afterwards. He was more shocked by this. But he smiled as he was happy about the change. He kissed me again, happily. But now I was here, waiting for Seth to come to see me. As soon as he walked in, I smiled. I saw him smile at me. He was happy to see me too. I stood up as he walked in. Once he got to me, I moved in and took his lips, deeply, as I missed him. He kissed me back and then hugged me tightly. Once we finished, I sat down and Seth sat next to me. I stayed close to him as he kept his arm around me. He asked, "How have you been?"

"Good. Doctors say they see real progress. They are sure my next evaluation in the next couple weeks that they will decide that I am fit enough to go home." I told him, happily.

"That is great to hear, baby. I have missed you at home. The kids have missed you." He told me.

"I missed you all too. I can't wait to get home to my babies. I wish I could see them." I said to him. He decided it was best they didn't see me in such a place and I understood.

Then he pulled out a large envelop and handed it to me. "The kids made you something."

I took it and opened the envelop. I pulled out some homemade cards and smiled. I looked over each one as the kids said they missed me and couldn't wait for me to come home. I smiled at this. "I love this." I looked at him and said, sincerely, "Thank you."

He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. "It's no problem, baby. I know you have been missing them."

"I have." Then I looked away, sadly. "I haven't been the mother I should have been. I see that now. I wished I gave them what they needed."

"Baby, you were in pain, you didn't mean it. You just needed help." He tried to comfort me.

I looked up at him as a few tears fell. "Thank you for forcing me in here. I may have been so angry that you did it at first, but now I see that I was in a very bad place. I wasn't healthy. You saw it though and I know the decision wasn't that easy for you to make. I know it had to be very hard for you but you did what was best for everyone. I wish I would have seen I needed help so I didn't lose time with my children or you. I am glad you did though, so I didn't do anything more to damage everyone."