Sunflower Seeds

Chapter Twenty Two🌻

Dear Diary,

Last night was nice. I mean, after I finally came out of the bathroom from hiding. Cameron and I watched some movies and fell asleep together, it was different. We laughed, and spent time together other than just drinking. I love him.

Ok so, I did kind of hide in the bathroom for a little bit and ate my sunflower seeds but I was so overwhelmed for some reason. When I looked in the mirror last night I thought of how different I looked, how much weight I had lost. All these changed just because of Cameron.

It was a lot to take in at the time, although, I'm not sure why.

Cameron loves me.

I keep wondering how much further our relationship with grow. I do care about him, heck, I love him. But, I never seen Cameron as a serious relationship kind of guy before. I guess that changed as well.

My appetite is almost none existent it seems these days. I could live on sunflower seeds alone it seems. I guess that's not a bad thing considering how much I used to stuff my face before.

Lena and food used to be all I cared about. If I had my best friend and good food, I was the happiest girl in the world. Now, it's all about Lena, Cameron, and my sunflower seeds. Maybe, not in that order, I'm not even sure. 

I feel happy right now.

I was freaking out at first last night about all the changes, but maybe it doesn't have to mean that the changes are bad. Because, right now, to me anyways, the changes seem great. I still have my best friend, I have a boyfriend that loves me, and not to mention I'm lost a bunch of weight. It doesn't seem so bad now.

"Cami...."

"Umm... Cami!"

"Hey bitch!" Lena shouted, she was already rolling her eyes as soon as I looked up. I wonder how long she's been actually standing there and how long I've been blocking her out.

"Did you hear anything I said at all?" Lena huffed, annoyed as usual.

"No. Hoesntly, I didn't. What did you say?" I giggle a bit knowing how much Lena hates to repeat herself.

"I said, put that diary down and come eat! Kylie's here and we made tacos, they actually turned out to be edible." Lena smiled proudly which made me laugh again.

"I'm not hungry, but I'm sure they're amazig!" I glance down at my page again trying to get back on my thought process.

"No, bitch. It turns out you are hungry." Lena replied almost automatically. The tone of her voice caught me off guard.

"What the heck?"

"You're going to eat today. You're going to eat until you can't eat no more and you will love it." Lena stared me down, looking as if she's on a mission.

"I'm tired of you not eating, or not eating enough. Do you think I'm stupid? All you eat is these sunflower seeds, what the hell? You're loosing weight like crazy and it's freaking me out..." She took a breath as if giving me time to say something, but, I'm at a loss for words and just stare back at her.

"Ok, come on then, tacos is ready. Don't even think about not eating or telling me you're not hungry."

"Ok, mom, tacos sounds great, really." I smile a little at Lena to let her know I'm not pissed and she rolls her eyes to let me know she don't care. The usual Lena thing to do.

In the kitchen, Lena, Kylie, and I sat around the table stuffing our faces in what may have been the best tacos I've ever ate. I haven't had tacos in forever it seems and I just want to keep eating.

We had a great dinner, and we laughed and told stories over our tacos like a family in a 90s sitcom. I felt full. My stomach felt as if I had ate rocks I was so full. When was the last time I was actually this full? When was the last time I ate this much?

After we're done eating, we lay around on the couch and try to decide on a movie to watch. While Lena and Kylie is going back and forth between different movie titles, I sneak off to the bathroom.

I did something I've never done before, on purpose anyways. I puked. I puked up what I was hoping was my entire dinner of tacos. I flush away the evidence and go to the sink to brush my teeth. This could work just fine.

I feel something I knew I shouldn't have. Happiness. My stomach was no longer so full I could barely move and I was happy about it.

Maybe, just maybe, this could work. I could still have my sunflower seeds, but also actual food as well...

I could actually eat, as long as it don't have to stay in my stomach then I'll be fine. It would also get Lena off my back for sure to. I smile at my reflection in the mirror. You, Cami Williams, are a genius sometimes.

This way, I could keep everyone happy, including myself. This way, I could eat all day if Lena was in a mood to bitch about me not eating. Also, I shouldn't gain any weight and Cameron will realize how different I look, how skinny I am.

Cami:
Hey Cameron, I was just thinking about you.