Corporation

Chapter 54

Alex's POV

I feel dead. The bruises on my wrists are becoming more prominent. I have a killer headache. I don't feel like eating but I need some water or something. I don't dare to go outside the bedroom. For all I know he might be outside the bedroom door. Just the thought makes me cringe. Thinking of just his simple fingertips make me scared. He was so violent last night. He's draining me. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I keep falling back into his arms though. With the whole virginity thing I'm still sort of mad. I would have completely understood if he wasn't but what was the point of him lying?

I have been staring at this wall for ages.

Absolutely ages.

~5 days later~

I have been staring at this wall forever. Dazed from my thoughts. There would be light knocking at the door but I would just pretend I was sleeping. I took the risk and opened my eyes for a split second and I saw basically a stranger.

Niall looked so pale and he had bags under his eyes. I would sometimes hear slamming noises and him cursing. Every time that happened I would cry.

Every single time.

I think I'm sort of slowly dying actually. Is this what love is like? I feel dead. Like oblivion has taken every ounce of me.

I feel so dazed. When I would actually look in the mirror and see that tattoo I got with him. The memories with him have almost vanished by the nightmares he has been causing.

Why do I have to be so in love with him? He's ruining me. He says he loves me but does he really mean it.

I hear a knock at the door again. I don't even bother hiding. I continue to stare at the wall. I feel the bed dip down and it's obviously Niall. I feel his fingertips brush a few strands behind my ear.

"Stop" I whisper

"I can't" he says softly

"Please don't touch me" I mumble

"You aren't okay" he blurts out

"Yeah, your bipolar girlfriend isn't okay" I snap

"I didn't mean that" he says and grabs my hand

"You obviously did" I snicker

"I didn't mean it" he says

I stay silent.

"Al-lex" he stutters

Oh God.

"What?" I ask in a monotone voice

"Are you depressed? Sad? Angry? Anything?" he says and I turn to face him

His eyes are filled with worry.

"You can always talk to me" his voice cracks

"Yeah right" I lightly laugh

"If you aren't going to talk to me then I'm taking you to a professional councilor" he says

"No you aren't!" I snap

"C'mon, even before we were friends I could tell that you were sad about things. Let me help" he says and leans his forehead against mine

"I love you" he says and kisses my cheek

"Stop" I say and I can't look into his blue eyes or I will give in

"I'm so fucked up" he mumbles and kisses my nose

"Stop" I repeat

He lightly grabs my wrist and his jaw clenches and he is close to tears.

"I did this! I fucking did this! I hurt you!" he says angrily

I stay silent.

"I'm such a bad boyfriend! I hurt you!" he says and gets up

"Niall-" I begin

"Don't say it's okay when I know you're practically dying inside!" he cries

He sits on the floors and sobs.

"I did this. I can't believe this. I'm such a fuck up!" he yells

It stays silent for a moment.

"I bet you don't even love me anymore" he mumbles

"I'll always love you"

"Sure" he laughs

It isn't his normal laugh. It's more of a mocking laugh.

"You'll get tired of me. Throw me out" he says

"What the hell! No I won't!" I say harshly

"Stop lying. For God's sake you have bruises on your wrists because of me! I always hurt you some how" he says

"Stop saying that!" I yell

"Make me!" he says and steps towards the bed so he's facing me

Soon his lips attack mine but I don't kiss back.

"It isn't the same" I say close to tears

"What?" he asks and he almost starts to cry

"I don't want you to hurt me" I cry

"Fuck, I won't do it again. I promise. Just explain what you felt during the kiss. Please" he says and cups my face with his hands

"It wa-as the same like always. Sparks like always but I was afraid. Please don't hurt me again"

Niall's POV

I am broken. My heart is shattered and the shattered pieces are shattered too. She thinks I'm going to hurt her again. I won't. Hell, I will stop drinking because of what has happened. Or slow down on it. I'm 20 and I like to drink but my relationship with Alex is much more important.

When I told her that we could see a professional I was a bit uneasy about it myself. I would be some of the reasons why she was there. I always mess up!

She gets scared when I touch her.

"I'm tired" she yawns

"Well I sure as hell know I'm not sleeping in the bed with you but you know, it's my fault! I'm also sorry for lying to you about my virginity" I say harshly

"It's okay. We'll talk about it later" she says and rolls over

"It's not okay" I say

"Good night, Niall" she says with a tired voice

"I love you" I say and lean against the door frame

"That's a relief" she huffs

She thinks I don't love her? I have and will always love her. Even if I lose her I will love her. I need to make her stay with me. I need her to not give up on me even though she should. I need her in my life forever. I need something to prove it.

While laying on the couch watching 'Two and a half men" I come up with a crazy idea.

I'm going to marry her.

She might be 18 but I want this. I need this. It will give reassurance that she won't leave me. We can have a nice wedding and she can design it all. We can have it in a short amount of time or whenever she wants. Knowing Alex we will have a perfect wedding. Seeing her in a wedding dress will be absolutely perfection. When we say our vows I will be relieved. Later we can start a family and maybe we will still be in Paris. Whatever she wants. I'll do anything for her.

Absolutely anything.

Oh Jesus. It has came to this! Will she says yes or not?