Sexual Tension JJK

Chapter 17 - Going Back

JK POV

"Hyung, sorry about a while ago. I was... I wasn't really focused."

We're on our way back to the dorm after guesting on a music show. It took a couple takes and sadly it's not because of the director being nitpicky, it's because I kept on making mistakes.

"Jungkookie, maybe you're just tired, I hope you do good tomorrow. This is not like you." Namjoon said.

The van stopped. I was the first to get off. I looked up like I always do, wishing that the lights on the third is open.

This time I got my wish granted.

I immediately went for the elevator and when it doesn't open immediately, I ran up the stairs.

My breath is still catching on when I rang her door bell. I don't what to say but, fuck it, who the fuck cares. I just want to say sorry and hug her. I miss her so bad. I rang the doorbell twice.

It opened. I was still catching my breath.

It was Jace.

"Wait. Jungkook, right?"  He said.

I nodded.

"Chloe, there?" Goddammit why didn't I study english sooner.

"No buddy, I'm alone." He raised a bottle of beer."Wanna join me?"

I nodded, again.

"What's going on between you and Chloe? You seem to be in panic going up here."

Shit. How do I explain.

"We fought. I want to say sorry"

"Quite a hard-headed individual isn't she"

I nodded.

"Ahh. Too easy to admit. She won't forgive you if you just keep nodding. You gotta have guts! You gonna have convinction!"

I smiled at him.

"You probably don't understand half of what I'm saying ain't it?" He smiled.

I nodded and said goodbye. He tapped my shoulders and said goodluck.

Namjoon was still on the sofa reading when I got back.

"Where did you go?" He asked

"I thought Chloe's upstairs already"

"What cannot wait till tomorrow that you have to climb four flight of stairs?" He said while putting his books aside.

"What is "guts" and "conviction"?" I asked without answering his question.

"Guts is like being determined to do something. Like whatever happens you'll do it despite of the circumstance. Convinction is like you firmly believe in something without a doubt." He squint his brows and asked me another question. "What does this have to do with Jagi. Is there something going on between the two of you? Is that the reason you can't focused?"

"No. Nothing. I'll rest now" all lies. Without guts and convinction. How appropriate.

I took out a box under my bed.

There's photo of me and Chloe playing. The photo when I got in Taekwondo. Every milestone of my life. Every birthday. Her last photo.

I may have loved Chloe more than I care to admit. Initially, I was scared of her.

When we went to high school, I chickened out when she asked me. Love letters bore her.

Kyung Hee was the first one to know. She said she jokes Chloe has no interest in men and that's why she can't notice that I like her.

When she kissed me. My first kiss. My world stopped revolving. Then she left.

I searched for her via internet via social networking site. No result. Then I search her real name.

Boom.

Grandfather head of oil minery in Bahrain. Father entertainment mogul. Uncle a rockstar. Aunt a well known actress.

The date they transferred to Korea. There was a scandal regarding her Aunt and Uncle. Figures they kept a low profile.

I saw her dad bought shares from BigHit. I joined BigHit.

I met Tzuyu as we're both trainees. It was mostly for the fuck. She let me touch her everywhere when we dated and it was not even a day when I lost my virginity to her. It was addicting to some extent. Having sex. I really don't have feelings for her but the sex part is something I cannot part with.

Then when I least expect it. I saw her at school. She was alone most of the time. She's still pretty whenever she smiles. Like when she opened my card.

When we met again. I kissed her. Bad move. I can't stop thinking about her again. That and with my teenage libido, I know I'm gonna be fucked. I planned to break up with Tzuyu but better be with her than go batshit insane thinking about Chloe.

When we rode the bus. I can't help thinking about the things that I would like to do to her. I can't control myself. I was quite ashamed.

Then her birthday happened. It was the peak of my of my control. I can't leave with Chloe without having dirty thoughts every second. So I did it everyday with Tzuyu. Then she caught us. I broke up with Tzuyu for good.

When I went down on her. It made me insane. It made me want her more... but still I'm conflicted, what can I offer her?

Taehyung was right. I've a lot of chance. A lot of chance to show her what I really feel. What did I do? Use my penis. My jealousy got the best of me. Then guilt. Then stupidity.

It was the first time I had sex that is too intimate. God. I could smell her hair, her neck, her...

There was a knock.

I opened it, it was Taehyung.

"What the fuck are you even thinking about?" He was mad. Looking downwards. Shit I got a hard on thinking about Chloe.

"Anyway, Chloe's arriving tomorrow but they'll be staying in a hotel. So you only get to see her at school. I just thought you wanted to know" he said.

"Fix yourself please. For tomorrow." Taehyung went to his room while shaking his head.

Too bad. I have no guts to admit my feeling because I have no convinction that I could make her happy.

I fucked up big time when I fucked her.

I dialled Kyung Hee's number again for advice.