04.17 - c.s

tjueen

"The more you're going to try to hide it, the more I want to see it, honestly," Chris mused, smirking widely while grabbing my waist and pulling me close.

"It's disgusting, I don't want you to see it. You're literally going to want to barf or something," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"How can a scar be disgusting?" Chris mumbled into my shoulder, "scars are cool. They make you look like a real tiger."

"What?" I laughed, "that's supposed to be a compliment?" Chris laughed softly and nodded, kissing my shoulder. "Okay, fine," I sighed. I pulled my shirt up slightly so the side of my left hip was visible.

"That's huge," Chris's eyes widened as he traced the scar on my hip bone, "that must've hurt like a bitch." I nodded, smiling softly at him.

"I'm never stepping on a motorcycle ever again," I stated, looking at the ugly flesh on my hip. Last week went by quite fast, to my surprise, and it was currently Sunday. School on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday was just as boring as always and there was a party at one of the Penetrator boys's houses on Friday. Yesterday Chris came over and he refused to leave.

"Children," my mom yelled from downstairs, "breakfast is ready!" I groaned, not wanting to get out of bed. Eventually, I pulled Chris off of me and stepped out of bed, putting on some sweatpants before walking downstairs.

"Where's Chris?" Nadine asked immediately, "he didn't climb out of your window, now, did he?" I chuckled.

"I'm here," Chris's groggy voice sounded from behind me. He sat down next to me at the kitchen table and gratefully ate the pancakes my mom had prepared. Exactly a week from now, we'd be sitting at the airport, waiting for our flight to board.

"I can't wait to see dad again," Nadine spoke up, making my mom and I both turn our heads quickly.

"Why?" I asked, "are you saying you have any kind of respect left for that man? He let us down, remember? Out of nowhere, he just left."

"I know that," Nadine whispered, "but I still love him." She looked me straight in the eye, "you should, too." I just scoffed and fixated my gaze on my pancakes again.

"You can at least try, you know," my mom stated, putting the knife she was holding down on the table. I gave her a look of disbelief.

"Are you defending dad?"

"I guess so," mom nodded, "I'm aware of what he did to us, Elle, but you can't hate him forever."

"That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard," I sat back into my chair, letting my hand run through my hair. "Have you forgotten how heartbroken you were after he left? How much you hated him, but more importantly yourself, because he made you feel like you weren't good enough? He has no right to be defended, or appreciated by any of us."

"Baby, calm down," Chris whispered, putting a hand on my thigh. I sighed and gave him a sweet look before ignoring his advice completely and continuing my rant.

"Remember the nights where you drowned yourself in alcohol, so close to giving up? He wasn't the only thing keeping you alive in those nights, mom, we were. He ruined you, and us with it. And none of that was your fault, but you still blame yourself for it every day. So if you still think he deserves forgiveness, then all those nights are on you. Then all of this is your own fault because you're too stupid to understand that he wasn't right in the head, and that him leaving had nothing to do with us," with that, I stood up and ran upstairs to my room. Just a couple minutes later, Chris came in.

"Roxelle?" he whispered, sitting down next to me on my bed. "We don't have to go to America if you don't want to. We can just stay here, or at my place."

"No," I shook my head, grabbing his arm as I sat up from my lying position on the bed, "that's the point. I have to go. For mom. She still loves my dad, and my sister does too. I have to go for them, because if I don't, I'm just as bad as him, you know? I can't let them down like that, because I know how it feels."

Chris sighed and hugged me. "I'll be by your side the entire time, then. Screw your dad, we're going to have fun in America. Lots of it." I smiled and kissed the boy in front of me.

"Fine. We probably have to take Nadine with us most of the time, though. She doesn't really have friends there and I feel bad leaving her alone," I agreed with him.

"That's okay," he smiled, "do you have friends there?"

I nodded, "a couple. They'll love you, trust me."