Fix You

Chapter Sixteen

       Pants. I need pants.

        I wandered down the aisle at Walmart, feeling like it'd be better to buy cheap pants from here than buying top of the line jeans that I'll only wear for a while unless I fall into a mid life crisis and gain more weight. As I pushed the small buggy down the aisles, a few comfortable, cheap pairs of shoes knocking together in the bottom, I peered around for new jeans, finding very few that looked comfortable.

       "Whatever," I sighed, throwing them into the cart. "At least these should fit me."

       As I wandered towards the check out aisles, I paused. I happened to wander past one of the smaller displays, glancing warily at a few objects. "White is fairly neutral," I muttered, throwing the box into the bottom of my cart. When I paid for my items, the mad behind the counter gave me a wide grin. "Have a very lovely day," he remarked. "Thank you!" I made my way to my truck, quickly shoving the box in a small area where nobody would see it if they showed up while I was unloading.

       I still had yet to tell anybody other than Bird Person, and I was honestly terrified. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to go about doing this, how I was supposed to tell Rick. Maybe I could tell the rest of the family first and ask for advice?

         Sighing, I hopped into my truck and adjusted my sweater. My breasts had grown more sensitive and my stomach was starting to show slightly, meaning I had very limited time before it didn't matter whether or not I told Rick. He'd probably see it fairly soon if I don't tell him.

*~*~*

         When I arrived at my house, I was very surprised to find my dining room light on. It was just past four in the evening. "I must've left it on," I muttered. I had left early in the morning, when it was still fairly dark. Cautiously, I grabbed a few bags of groceries and wandered into the house, making sure I didn't have too many bags in case I needed to open a can of whoop ass. 
        Inside the house, it was fairly quiet. There was nothing noticeably different, and it didn't appear as though anybody was in here. I exhaled a sigh of relief and continued loading groceries, deciding to hide the box in my garage for now. It was quickly hidden on the lowermost portion of a shelf in the far back corner, definitely not easily noticeable when I opened my garage to tinker.

       I sat on the couch once I'd finished putting the groceries away, breathing a sigh of relief when I did so. I so desperately wanted a nap, but I felt highly paranoid right now, due to the light being left on. I sighed in frustration now and switched on the television. "Stop being so paranoid," I muttered. 

       While I watched tv, I chewed my lip and thought, not really paying much attention to this weeks episode of Ball Fondlers. Recently, I'd found myself to be an avid watcher, but I simply could not focus. There was so much going on in my life at this point, much more than I ever thought there would be. There were so many possibilities, so many secrets. 

       Currently, Rick thought I hate him, apparently. According to his little speech from the night we went to see movies. I mean, I guess he's not wrong, but he's not right, either. I don't know how I feel about him. However, the more I think about it, the more I see that maybe there's something there, from his end. Maybe he hasn't moved on as much as I thought.

        There was still the issue with telling him, and I wasn't ready for that. I'm almost twenty years old, I didn't think I'd ever be in this position, nor this situation at twenty. I expected this to happen after I was almost twenty-six, at the most. 

       And there was the position among the Galactic Federation. I already managed to convince them to leave Rick alone, to let him live his life in peace. And now they wanted me to take over as President. That seemed pretty cool, and it definitely seemed like something I could do. Just to get away from everything. Maybe I could do what Rick did, run away from it all. I really believe I've been some sort of hindrance on the Smith's lives, and they would be perfectly fine without me.

        If I accepted the position, I could get away from everything. The past, the memories, this town filled with violent people. I could fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming an important member of a large intellectual group. I could be the President, I could lead a government my way! There's no telling what I could do in that position, the possibilities and outcomes were limitless. Here, in this house, the outcomes were very, very limited. I could run away from everything, live on that base, leave those two to have happy adventures with their grampa, without him constantly regretting ever meeting me.

        But the issue with Rick's and their (Y/N)'s, the issue with tagging and marking. That had been long gone from my thoughts for a while. I guess Rick would know what to do. Maybe he'd expect the anomaly to leave and better her life. I mean, I am the anomaly. I could do anything differently, and probably get away with it, too. I could become a completely different person. Rick could find another (Y/N) if he really thought he needed one, being that he seldom speaks to me anyway. 

        Sighing, I ran my hands down my face and looked up at the ceiling. There were so many things going on in my life, and not a single one of 'em made it any easier to get by. At this point, I was full of constant mood swings and haphazard choices. Who knows, maybe I'll do something I regret. Maybe I'll do something that's good for all of us.

        I should do something that's good for me.