The Script (Liam Payne)

Chapter 19

"I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I'll always think of you, and the time we spend together as my happiest time. I'll do it all over again, if I had a choice. No regrets." - Boundless, Cynthia Hand.

Chapter Nineteen

I CLOSE the bathroom door behind me in a thud. I want to run away from this world I’m forced to live in. The world where my slightest action is taken completely in a negative way, where I’m forced to act as if I’m madly in love with my husband when, in reality, I don’t even know the man I’m currently living with. I lock the door, as if trying to lock myself away from the hell outside, as if trying to lock myself in some place safe, a place away from home.

I walk dryly next to the bath tub and plump down, not even caring to check whether the floor is dry or not. I burrow my face in my hands, trying not to face the reality for some time. How hard it is to pretend that everything is alright when it is not even near to okay? It is impossible to believe that I was leading my normal life just a month back, without any worries or precautions that I had to take care of and now, it seems I’m fighting a war in a deadly battleground without any cover.

Liam and I are not just meant to be. He is aggressive, violent at times and he places himself above everyone. I do not have the energy to fight with him everyday just when I think we made a little progress. Frankly, I don’t understand him anymore even though I try to understand why does he behave like this. Is he always bad tempered when it comes to me or is it any other reason in general? I think we didn’t even talk enough to know about each other. But right now, I just want to run away, far away from this man who pretends to be my loving husband.

Was all that mere pretention when I was so fragile and weak just a day back? Did he pretend that he cared just to show those women how loving he is? Or maybe to prove something to his father back home? I don’t even have the strength to get the answers for these questions. Just when I thought maybe, just maybe we can have something, some relation between us; he proves to me how wrong I was. How wrong I will be every single time I expect our relationship to progress. He is just a ruthless businessman who is stuck in a deal right now.

“Just because your father is going through a financial mess; I’m destroying my life.”

His words come back to me as a threat. He is destroying his life, agreed. But why, for once, can’t he think about me that I’m equally into this ‘artificial relation’ as he is. Words fail to express my feelings, my anger, my agony and over all, my hatred for the man outside this room.

Words of my mother come back to me, about our divorce. I’m sure about this than I’ve ever been about everything. I’m sure I will divorce him when my father is in a better position financially but mostly, mentally. My chest pains when I think about my old man back home. I’m sure he will be loathing himself for getting me into this state of pretention when the situation isn’t in his hand at all. He has no idea how his son-in-law really is. He must be thanking the Lords somewhere that, at least, his daughter got a loving husband, someone she doesn’t know but will love eventually, with all her heart and soul. Guess nothing can be more wrong and inappropriate than that.

More two weeks and I’ll be out of this mess called my honeymoon. Everyday seems like a hideous task which I’ll have to go through without any rewards. My honeymoon isn’t about flowers, hearts, romance or even love. Sadly, it isn’t even near to it. It is more of two people trying to live with each other without any option of running away. I remember my father and that’s when I get this strange bit of strength inside me to face this turmoil of this phase in my life.

I’m not doing any of this for myself, for Liam or even his selfish father. The only person for whom I’m going through is for my father. He never asked anything from me all my life but only flooded me with all sorts of happiness and presents. But when it’s time for payback, I’m crying like a loser. He gives me this strength which I’m sure I’ll tackle even after this honeymoon. Another month or two after this honeymoon and I’m sure I’ll be out of this, safe back to my home.