It's Only Me

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May 2017

(United Artist Agency, Gangnam)

Hyungsik was dressed simply in a white T along with an outer blue checkered long sleeve shirt and a pair of blue denims. His hair was slightly messy, but all the fringes seemed to have fallen out of place, in all the right places. His face was unlike when I last saw him, and he seemed well rested despite wearing visibly less to no make-up.

He led me along the inner places of the building, to the first floor. There was a mini bar in view, and some of the staff were chatting in the area. As I moved past them, my body naturally bent forward in a slight bow towards each of them. Their chatter too came to a halt when they saw me, but I guess that was unavoidable, as I was literally Hyungsik's shadow.

Hyungsik opened one of the room doors to a cosy lounge, and left the door open. The room was brightly lit in warm fluorescence lamp, and was minimalistic. It had nothing more than a cabinet of books, and two comfy couches facing each other.

Taking his seat in one of the couches, he started casually, "I hope you're in the mood for Chinese takeout."

"Jajjangmyeon sounds great," I replied, taking my seat.

In my head, I half-coaxed myself into not making things awkward. Hyungsik would not be awkward in a setting like this; so I should at least try to socialize normally, as an old friend would.

As Hyungsik dialled for the takeout, I turned my eyes away from him and nervously reached out for a random novel on the cabinet. Flipping through the middle pages of the book, I did my best to look like I was concentrating.

But it was problematic, and I kept rereading the same paragraph repeatedly. His tender voice was undoubtedly a major distraction.

"Couldn't keep your hands away from a book?" He spoke up when he was done with the phone call.

I felt safer, gripping onto something. I was after all, a bundle of nerves.

"I guess habits don't go away easily," I managed a weak smile.

He nodded, comprehending my answer.

When he was silent, my eyes fell back to the book. Rereading the same paragraph for the ninth time was better than staring into Hyungsik's eyes without knowing what to say.

How was I to even start the conversation, when the last decent conversation we had was cut short by my immature actions.

"I--"

"I'm--"

The both of us spoke up at the same time, after a moment of silence. Hyungsik broke out in a chuckle, while I broke out in cold sweat.

"You go first, Sik," I offered.

Clasping his hands together, he started, "I just wanted you to know, that I'm not going to ask you anything about that day. Not until you're ready. You should probably loosen up. It's only me."

The sides of my lips curled up at his thoughtfulness. He always is. Putting the book aside, I did as he instructed. Although it was easier said than done, I complied, "I'll try."

"And I'm going to help you to do just that," his eyes twinkled, signalling the return of his 4D personality.

He crossed his arms and leaned back on the sofa. With his eyes narrowed, his playful words almost sent me to my coffin, "Now tell me. Are you nervous because you're finding me attractive and manly?"

Something was pounding hard against my chest, so much so I had to inhale before responding. "Is fame getting into your head now, Mr. Next Generation Rom-Com King?"

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