Hatred. That's the word that comes to mind with most people about Negan, including my own. People think we're in love cause we act like it but secretly, it's a tortuous relationship for me. He tells me he loves me but the bruises on my body says otherwise, the bruises coming from his drunken actions. That's where the hatred built up. Of course, I did love him at one point but after I get hit so many times the love just....fades away.
"Darlin" I hear his raspy voice call out interrupting me from my thoughts. "You must be really into that book."
I say nothing but I nod my head, the bruise on my neck hurting with every move.
"Are you mad at me for....last night?" He refers to the giant fight we had the previous night.
"Negan, do you expect me to be happy with you?" I ask rolling my eyes and darting them back to my book.
He sighs. "I'm sorry I-"
"You can't just say sorry for everything. If you say sorry & then continue making dumb actions then your sorry becomes worthless." I blink back tears, not wanting him to see that he's getting to me.
He says nothing but walks out the door, grabbing Lucille & his leather jacket. I never followed him if he had Lucille or was wearing his leather jacket, that was the business side of him & it was always the scariest. I sigh dramatically as I decide go see what Negan is doing which isn't always a good idea. A feeling of immediate regret hits me as I hear his loud voice booming throughout the main room. He's going over the rules....that means someone broke one of them & that means it won't end good for that person. I enter through a door that will cause him to not see me as I somewhat hide myself in the large group filling the tiny room.
"God..." He rubs his beard in disbelief. "Dwight, you're one of my best men...but trying to run away? With sherry? What kind of fuck shit is that?"
The pit in my stomach seems to get deeper with each word.
"So, it's the iron for you. I hate to have to do this to you but...rules are rules." Negan grins evilly having Simon get the steaming iron out of the fire pit.
I keep my eyes darted to the ground as I feel myself grow more nauseous with every second, this can't be happening. What I do next immediately becomes a regret.
"NO DONT" I blurt out pushing through people to get to the center of the room where Negan & Dwight are. Everyone's eyes immediately shoot at me.
"Y/N, what are you doing here?" He asks more in confusion then anger.
"You can't do this. I get he broke a rule & should be held accountable for it but not like this, people are going to break rules. People are going to make mistakes. But you can't punish them...not like this." I look down waiting for him to yell at me, he never liked when people went again him.
The room is silent for a few moments, making me confused. Why hasn't he yelled at me yet? "You have a point" he finally says making my mouth drop.
He looks at Dwight, unstrapping him from the chair. Sweat dripping from his nervous face. "You got lucky that she came & saved ur ass but next time you pull a stunt like this, well...just don't cause it won't end good for you." He turns around so he's facing me. "And you, we'll have a talk in our room. Go now"
Oh great, he's saving his yelling for when we're alone. I sigh & storm back up to our room. Moments pass by as I pace around with my palms feeling sweaty. He bursts through the door causing me to stop waiting for what was ahead.
"Now, explain to me what the fuck just happened." He says running his hand through his hair.
"Are you mad cause someone actually had the guts to stick up to you? To tell you what you're doing is wrong?" I cross my arms like a pouty teenager.
He jerks his head back. "I don't know who told you it was okay to talk to me like this."
"I don't know who told you it was okay to treat everyone like shit just cause you have nothing better to do." I roll my eyes storming off, he calls my name but I don't even look back.
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I sit on the roof, the breeze blowing my hair, my thoughts fill my mind as I look out seeing a few walkers from where I'm sitting. The sun is beginning to set, the air is becoming cooler. It's silent out here aside from the occasional walker groan here & there, I needed this. The stomping of boots is too familiar I hear Negan's raspy voice hit my ears.
"Now tell me, darling what are you doing up here?" He says softly as he sits beside me, Lucille carefully placed on his lap.
I sigh. "I'm sorry for snapping at you back there but you can't act like it wasn't true, you're terrible to people & I know that's how you rule things, that's how this place was basically created but you can't make this shitty world shittier for people, Negan you just can't."
It goes silent for a few moments, "you're right" he finally says. "But I can't change how I am & my people know that."
"So you know I'm right but you still won't change?" I ask being confused.
"Darlin, being nice in today's world is basically ASKING for people to just walk over you & well murder your ass." He chuckles.
"I don't mean you have to bake them cookies & braid their hair, I mean to just be a little bit nicer. Be strict with rules but also be nice at the same time." I put my hands on my lap as I look back out at the view of trees.
He puts his hand on my shoulder. "If I were to be a little bit nicer, would that make you hate me less?"
I slightly smile. "Yes."
"You got a deal, sweetheart."
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Omg it's been so long since I last updated. This one isn't my bad but it's just something for you guys since it's been awhile since you've gotten an update. My next one should be good but I was kinda pressuring myself to give you guys something. Also I hit 1k reads a long time ago, thank you so much! I know that may not be a lot for some of you but for me it's a big deal so thank you! But I hope you guys enjoyed this :) ps. I'm too lazy to look for errors so I apologize if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes lol.
