Shawn Mendes Imagines

Hands down, ive lost this fight.

My back was resting against the soft, white pillow. I pulled the covers higher, covering my entire body. I felt cold, but it had nothing to do with the temperature in the bedroom, it was all about the enormous fight Shawn and I had earlier. Fighting with him always made me feel so cold, so tired and completely drained from any sort of energy. I was reading a book or at least trying to, but I hardly managed to read a single page.
Honestly, I just needed something to distract me from the fact that Shawn had left the apartment in anger and I hadn't heard from him since.
I turned the page in my book, sighting heavily. Shawn had these mood swings lately; we would be completely fine one moment - the next - he'd be screaming at me and I would have no idea why.
He usually got a little moody when he was stressed, but this... this was different. When he got upset, I couldn't reach him. He turned into a complete different person and I didn't know how to deal with that.
I leaned my head back in the pillow, shutting my eyes tightly. My hands were still shaking and though hours had passed, I still couldn't get them to stop.
My mind rushed back to Shawn banging his fist down the table and pushing a vase so it shattered all over our white floor. I had never seen him like that, as upset and as angry.
Worst part of it? I didn't know why.
I was usually good at reading him; when he was tired, when he was stressed, when he felt lost. But this time, I just couldn't. He was too far out of my reach, too far for me to comfort him.
The pain rushed over my body once again and I had to bite down my lip roughly, so I wouldn't let out a wide sob. My eyes glance at the clock on the wall and my gut dropped just a bit further.
4 hours.
A sharp pain cut into my chest, ripping up my skin, leaving me behind to bleed out.
Suddenly, I heard the front door unlock. Only a second later, I heard those tiny footsteps in the hall moving towards the bedroom. I swallowed the lump in my dry throat, but I still felt the sickness spread inside my stomach.
Though I deep down knew Shawn would come back, but it wasn't until now, I could finally take a deep breath without strangling in the cold air.
My eyes fell down to the pages in my book again, while I tried forcing my hands to stop shaking. He walked into the bedroom without saying anything, without making any noise, without even looking at me.
I'd rather have him scream at me or send me angry looks, than I'd want this awful silent between us. It was hanging thick in the air. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I didn't have the courage to do so. This distant and disconnection we felt right now, it was slowly suffocating me.
Shawn undressed himself rather quickly, before he climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over his tense body. He quickly turned his back towards me, switching his bed light off, leaving his side of the room completely dark.
I hated when we did this, when we went to bed angry with each other. I hated this more than anything. I couldn't sleep through this pain; lying in bed beside each other, but being as far from each other, as we possibly could. It was a nightmare.
We could yell, scream and argue with each other all day, as long as everything was alright between us, before we went to sleep.
The only sounds filling the dark room, where both of our heavy breathes. The tears started to make their way down my cheeks, but I tried to hide the whimpers as much as I could.
"Are we really going to do this?" I muttered low, closing the book and placing it in my lap.
Shawn pretend to be asleep, but I knew very well he wasn't. It actually hurt me a little. I was falling apart and he wasn't going to fix this with me?
If I had done something to make him upset, he needed to let me know what it was. He needed to talk to me about it.
My fingers ran through my hair, before I wiped away tears from my damp face. I rolled my eyes, shaking my heard slightly.
"I'll take that as a no"
"I don't feel like talking to you right now" Shawn's sore voice sounded. It was cold, distant.
"Too bad Mendes, you're gonna fucking have to" I blurred out, raising my voice annoyed at him.
"I have nothing to say" he hissed back, continuing to keep his back at me.
"Well obviously, you do" I screamed at him.
If he could just look at me, talk to me. Sometimes Shawn could be so childish. Shawn suddenly turned around in the bed, pushing himself up to sit, staring at me with this hard glance in them.
"I have nothing to say right now, but I'm afraid I might regret it later" he yelled back at me.
The anger was to find all over his face, but he had this look in his eyes that I didn't know what was. It took me a second, but then I caught the tears in his eyes.
It made all the anger in my body disappear, as the tears started running down his face.
"Shawn-" I reached out for his hand, but he wouldn't let me touch him. It stung deep inside my heart.
Shawn shook his head, wiping away the tears falling down his face. His entire body was tense and fists were tightly shut.
I had never seen him cry as much as he was right now before, it hurt more seeing him like this, than anything else in the world.
It was like he suddenly kept this wall up, so I wouldn't get too close. Shawn hit his face in his palms, sobbing silently into his hands while his entire body was shaking.
I crawled across the bed and let my fingers wrap into his damp hair. This time, he finally let me touch him. He was falling apart in my arms and I didn't know why. His whole world was crashing down on me.
"Baby, what's going on?" I tried fighting the tears as much as I could.
"Nothing" he lied back.
"That's not true, Shawn" I spoke, but he just shrugged his shoulders at me.
My hand slipped down his bare back, before stroking his skin gently. I leaned closer to him and planted a tender kiss on his cheek.
"Let me take care of you" I begged him, brushing my nose tip again his ears.
My words made him break down even more, letting go of the last control he had over his body. Shawn cried and cried and cried. My arms wrapped around his body and I pulled him into my chest, trying my hardest to somehow calm him down.
"Shh, I got you. You're okay, love. You're okay" I whispered into his ear.
Shawn desperately wrapped his arms around my body, pulling he close to him. My fingers caressed his arms, while my lips brushed against his shoulder.
I'd never been in more pain, than I was right this second. Shawn had always been so strong, he'd always bounced back but right now, he was too fragile to fight.
I felt him quivering in my arms, crying into my chest. He was panting heavily, slowly losing all control over his strained breathing.
"Shawn, you need to tell me what's going on, why are you this upset?" I tried again, kissing the top of his messy hair.
"I just can't anymore"
"You can't what?"
"Everything, I can't" his voice cracked over and was replaced with new tears.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him confused, rocking him back and forth in my lap. He didn't answer me, he just continued to cry while gasping for air.
"Babe, look at me" I pushed up his chin and his eyes met mine. I
felt my heart shatter inside, just by looking at him. His eyes were wild and red, the tears were falling down endlessly. His cheeks were flushed and swallow and was probably hurting.
The look in his eyes was the worst though; pain was written everywhere in them.
I bended down and kissed a few of his tears away, while letting my thumbs stroke his aching face gently.
"Let me in, please" I begged him, feeling the tears press on.
Shawn pressed his palm against his pounding chest, probably feeling the sharp sting shooting through his tense body.
"It's just too much for me. It's too much" he spoke, his voice cracking over.
"Okay" I nodded, rubbing his head.
"There's too much going on, I can barely breathe, I-" his sore voice died over and he shut his eyes tightly.
"It's okay, Shawn. Sometimes, it all gets a little too much. You said that yourself, it's okay to get a little off track, feel a little lost"
"But I can't. I have to, I need to-"
"You don't need to anything. You always put so much pressure on yourself, you always want to be perfect but you know what? No one is perfect. It's okay to admit you've put too much on your shoulders. It's okay to admit that you can't handle it all at the moment. It's okay to take a break and take care of yourself-"
"But I can't let them down" he cried, staring directly into my eyes.
Shawn was falling apart and collapsing completely and all he could think about, was not letting people around him down.
I didn't get it until now; why he'd been acting weird, why he'd been so hard to reach. He'd lost it. He had completely lost it.
The pressure was too much, his need to be perfect was too much, his need to always please everyone had taken over and he forgotten himself. Forgotten all about taking care of him.
Shawn always wanted to be the best he possibly could; to me, to his crew, his family and surely his fans too. He tends to forget that he is only human; he doesn't have superpowers.
He is still just an eight-teen year old kid and he can't please the entire world all the time. He can't carry the weight of everyone exportation of him, around on his shoulders all alone.
It was tearing him apart slowly and there was nothing he could do about it. Everything was becoming too much. Too much for him to bare, too much for him to handle on his own.
"Baby, listen to me. Your fans? They love you. They would be the first to say, you needed to take a break. You're not letting anyone down! You're taking care of yourself first and that's okay" I said, letting my hand run down his burning chest.
My words seemed empty to him and it was clear he thinking about whether or not he to believe in me. I once again bended down, kissing the top of his warm forehead, wiping a few more tears off his sore and swollen face.
"You always tell me, remember? How I need to take it slow and give my body some time to rest, when I get stressed right?" Shawn nodded slowly at me.
"I am telling you now, you're in over your head Shawn. You need to relax a little, take care of yourself before falling completely apart"
"I just can't let them down. They are the reason I get to do this" he whispered, shutting his eyes. My fingers rubbed his earlobes, knowing it usually calmed him down.
"The only thing that'll make you let them down, is if you're not taking care of yourself. They love you, they care so much about you, Shawn. Their only – and my only – concern is your health" I whispered back, pressing my forehead against his.
"I don't want to be a bad role model-"
"Shawn, look at how upset you are? You're falling apart right in front of me. You need to make a change. By stopping and admitting you can't handle this right now, you'll let them know it's okay to need help when you feel lost. How is that being a crappy role model? You'd be teaching them to get help, when you need it. And clearly Shawn, you need it" He sighted heavily, grabbing around each side of my head, pulling he closer down him.
"I hate when you're right" he said, laughing just a little. I pressed my lips against his whimpering once, letting my hands run across his chest.
"Which I mostly am" I whispered back between his lips.
Once again, he managed to let a smile rush over his face. Finally. Shawn exhaled heavily, brushing his nose against my lips.
"I'm sorry I took it out on you. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't... I was losing my mind"
"It's okay, Shawn. Just promise me, you'll call Andrew"
"I will, something has to change. I know that"
"I'm glad, moody Mendes was getting on my nerves" I joked.
"Mine too" he agreed, smiling at me widely. I grabbed his hands, crawling out of bed.
"Come" I whispered, pulling him with me.
"What?" "Someone needs a long, calming, hot bath. I'll wash your hair"
"I'd like that"
"And if you're lucky, I'll join you"
"Please do" he smiled back at me.
And finally, his smile seemed genuine and I knew it my heart, he was going to be okay. He just needed some time and someone to take care of him.