Shawn Mendes Imagines

The Weight ✔️

SHAWN'S POV:

-

I wanna go back,

Forget that it's over

Paint it in black,

When you left me alone

I never knew,

She was sleeping next door with the kid I grew up with,

And I can't go back to her anymore, no

-

I remember it like it was yesterday, the love of my life was in bed with another guy, a guy I was friends with none the less.

The look on her face when she noticed me to me that she didn't regret it; she didn't feel sorry. She apologized as if it would help any.

Tears fell from my eyes as she pulled her clothes on and I ran away, I didn't want to face her. I still don't want to face her. Months have passed, I see her every now and then. She seems happy. Almost as if I was nothing to her, as if she never loved me.

-

You tell me you were happier with
him but you want me to stay

And you tell me that you needed time but you pushed me away

And when you try to take me back, my heavy heart just breaks

No, I can't lift the weight

-

I sighed as I heard my phone go off again, I refused to answer it, knowing it was her. I couldn't hear her apologize. It was a pity move on her end and I didn't want it. It made everything more real.

As if the lack of my past ability to hold her in my arms wasn't enough, I awoke every morning remembering that she wasn't mine anymore. She didn't love me, she loved him. I held her back. I had become anti-social since I walked away from her that day.

I've lost my ability to smile, to laugh, to love. I've forgotten what it's like to be happy. I lost the love of my life that day, along with my happiness and the ability to be around others without bringing them down with me.

Put you in the past,

Try to forget you 'cause it's over

And every time you ask

I'll pretend I'm okay

You're inside my head

In the middle of the night

When I don't feel right

I dream I can hold you,

And I can't go back to you anymore, yeah, yeah

-

I lay in bed for another night of sleepless tossing and turning like every other night. All the memories we shared, good and bad. I couldn't think of anything else. I missed her. She was my everything.

I turned over in bed to face the wall. The picture from homecoming, freshman year, was still up. She had her hair done and a gorgeous dress on as well, where as I had plain jeans and a flannel. She was holding a bouquet of flowers, red roses, her favorite, that I had brought her.

That was when we were happy. She loved me as much as I loved her. I reached over to grab my phone, listening to her voice mails. Empty apologies. I couldn't talk to her or I'd beg her to come back. So, I settled with her recorded messages.

"I'm sorry Shawn, I really am. I guess it just wasn't working. I made a big mistake, I know, but I want us to go back to being friends. I understand if you don't want to. I'm sorry."

-

You tell me you were happier with him but you want me to stay

And you told me that you needed time yet you pushed me away

And when you try to take me back, my heavy heart just breaks

But I can't lift the weight. No, I can't lift the weight

-

I try so hard, but it's harder than you'd think to ignore the girl you fell in love with. The longer I tried, the harder it got. I missed her. I laid in bed for the day, choosing to continue ignoring the world. I took a deep breath and finally let all of my mixed emotions out.

"I hate this."

I let a tear slide down my cheek as I cried. I sat for hours on end, crying.

Most people would think I was being pathetic or overreacting, but they don't know how it feels when a girl like her breaks your heart. It's a feeling that'll never leave. An emptiness in my heart that'll never be filled. I screamed. I threw things. I even punched a wall before falling to the floor, overwhelmed with emotions,

"Why?"

-

And I can't lift the weight, no, I can't lift the weight

Yeah, you stand on my shoulders and my heart just breaks

And I can't lift the weight, no, I can't lift the weight

Yeah, you stand on my shoulders and my heart just breaks

And I can't lift the weight, no, I can't lift the weight

Yeah, you lower your standards and I raise the stakes

And I can't lift the weight, no, I can't lift the weight

-

Today was it. I was going to get over her, I wouldn't let her control my life anymore. I sighed as I got up that morning after falling asleep on the floor. I even ate breakfast for the first time in a while.

I got myself up and dressed, taking my time, before walking back into the room we once shared. After finding a trash bag, I took down all the pictures of us and one-by-one ripped them up, throwing them into the trash can. I took down all the pictures that had frames that I had thrown in my fit of emotions last night, picking up the glass carefully and then continuing with the pictures. I gathered all her books off the shelves, her make up out of the bathroom, my hoodie that she liked to wear and threw it all in the bag.

-

Told me you were happier with him, but you want me to stay

And you tell me that you needed time but you, you pushed me away

And when you try to take me back, my heavy heart just breaks

But I can't lift the weight, and I can't lift the weight

-

Picking up the last photo of us, I let a small smile slip.

"I loved you." I whispered before throwing it in the black plastic bag.

-

Told me you were happier with him, but you want me to stay

You told me that you needed time but you, you pushed me away

And when you try to take me back, say someday you will change,

But I don't wanna wait

-

"Shawn? Oh my God. Shawn? I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry!" she shouted through the phone after I had decided to call her back.

"I just wanted to say goodbye. After this I'm done. I'm moving on. I wish you the best. Goodbye." I whispered into the small device.

"Shawn, wa-" she tried to say.

And with that, I hung up. I had a smile on my face. She was going to be happy with someone one day, just as I was. I was happy.