Shawn Mendes Imagines

Running low

Shawn's POV

I sigh as I slump onto the couch of my tour bus, grabbing my water off the coffee table. I hear a buzz coming from my pocket. I take a huge gulp of the water before reaching into my pocket, grabbing my phone. I see the contact 'Y/n'. I sigh and watch as the screen flashes her beautiful face, before it all goes away. I know I should've answered, but I just have a bad feeling that if I do, something bad will happen.

I lean my head against the couch, closing my eyes, trying to un-cloud my brain. I start to think about Y/n, our whole relationship, the whole two years, the best two years of my life. But then I start to think about the tour and my career, how it's really starting to take off. My mind wonders to the last time I saw her. It was when I finally got home after six months of tour. I was so excited to see everyone, but somehow I knew something had changed. I entered Y/n's house, her parents letting me in. I walk up the steps and into her bedroom, watching as she sits on her table, scrolling through Tumblr, oblivious to my presence. I walked up to her tapping her shoulder. She looked up, her tired eyes widening, jumping up on to her feet, pulling me into a hug. As we pulled away my lips landed on hers, a sweet kiss. At that moment I felt it, how there were no sparks. As we pulled away I knew she felt the emptiness. She looked away nervously and began bombarding me with questions about the tour. I had felt happy then, the way she held my hands as we laid down on the bed. How she let me do all the talking but putting in her opinion occasionally.

I smiled at the fond memory, but began to think about the feeling of desperation I felt wanting to be near her, close and touching. But as soon as I opened the door to her bedroom, I knew what I was doing wasn't right. I couldn't give her the time that she needed, that she deserved. I want to give her everything she deserves, but I can't, not anymore.

I'm still trying to find myself in all this mess, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't want Y/n to be held back with such pain and regret, that she'll hate me for, later in life. I don't want her to be in pain, to break because of this.

She's already in pain, Shawn.

I grab my phone off of the couch and bring it with me as I walk out into the empty streets. I walk into an alley way, far from the tour bus, but not close to anyone.

Taking my phone, I dial the familiar number, tears already forming as I think of what to say. It rings for a couple of minutes, until she picks up. Her voice making me wince. She sounded happy, relieved. I can't do this.

You have to end her suffering, Shawn.

"Hey, Y/n," I choke out, the lump in my throat making it hard to talk.

"Shawn, I'm so glad that you called, I thought you were ignoring me."

"Huh, yeah it might've looked like that, I was just busy, as always," a sob racked through my body, I couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Shawn? Shawn, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What's going on?" Her panicked voice, making it harder for me to do this. I looked at the wall in front of me, the old bricks covered with old, wrecked posters. I tried composing myself, but the tears were never ending.

"I can't do this anymore Y/n, it's too hard, I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Do what? Shawn you're not making any sense."

"I have to end this, end us. It's not going to work, we'll only end up hurting each other more."

"No, Shawn, you can't do this. I love you, please." All I could hear was her crying, sniffling on the other side of the line. I just want to be there, to hold her. But I can't, as always.