Clexa - Life Should Be About More Than Just Surviving

Chapter Seventeen

Lexa's POV-
Five days later
Luna was gone, I mean I saw it coming and she told me that she was leaving. It was a good thing that she left the night before the ceremony began because then they wouldn't have enough time to look for her today. The ceremony starts in an hour and they haven't noticed that she is gone yet. Which is good. She left at 3:00 this morning, the one time there is a flaw in the guards. I know this because she woke me up at that time, telling goodbye.

Flashback to earlier that morning

I hold onto the knife that I keep underneath my pillow. It is something Anya taught me. I am her second and that's why I am so well trained. When I hear footsteps coming towards my bed, I wake up instantly. I pull out the knife and hold it to Luna's neck. I let out a sigh when I realise that it is her. "You really take that seriously, don't you?" Luna asks with a smile. I shake my head and frown.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" I ask. Luna nods and sits down on my bed. "Why are you here then?"

"To tell you that i really hope you win, it will be three long days" Luna says. "Please fight as hard as you can"

"You've seen me fight them, I can beat them within seconds" I say with lack of emotions. Luna frowns.

"Yes I know but maybe you are underestimating. Just fight them like you fight me. Act like it will be hard"

"I don't think it is hard fighting you" I say stubbornly. Luna rolls her eyes.

"I'm being serious"

"So am I" I lie.

"Look, I know you bet Commander Willa but if you start underestimating you will be the one who's fight is over" Luna explains to me, she is concerned and I know she is being completely serious and she cares about me. She puts a hand on my shoulder. "I am not leaving because I am scared of getting killed, I am leaving because I am scared of killing you. You are my best friend" Luna says. She stands up but I grab her hand. I pull her in and hug her.

"Stay out of sight" I whisper.

"Stay alive"

End of Flashback

They haven't figured out that Luna is missing yet and I hope she is far away when they do. I make my way up to the throne room where the leader of trikru is, the leader of the past commanders clan always leads during the time where there is no commander. Indra doesn't sit on the throne, I know her well. She does not feel like she has a place there so she does not sit. Indra's eyes scan the nightbloods.

"Where is Luna kom trikru?" Indra asks. She looks at me straight away but luckily I am good at hiding my emotions. My face stays blank.

"I don't know" I say flatly. "She is never late" I say with a fake worried tone. It must have sounded real because Indra nodded. She looked at the guards and told them to go find her. They nodded and walked off. After a while of waiting clarke was bought in, she must be here to heal the winners.

The ceremony goes for three days, seeing as their are twelve night bloods. We have to fight to the death and the person who wins goes to the next round.

When the guards come back they tell Indra that there is no sight of Luna anywhere. Indra lets out a sigh "find her and kill her unless other orders are given" she says, her eyes flicker to me and then back to the guard. Some of the guards leave. Indra turns to us. "The first fight will be against Lexa and Kai"

I look at the young boy that is known as Kai, he is about ten years old. I feel my stomach sink, I feel like I don't want to kill him. I know Kai's technique but I remember what Luna said. I shouldn't underestimate.

I find myself in the fighting circle with Kai. He looks afraid and so am I but I am hiding it well. I take out my sword and get into fighting stance, so does he. I wish I could fight with two swords like when I fought the Commander, I feel more comfortable with two. I haven't fought Kai much but I know every time he has lost, last time I fought him was a year ago so he could have changed. When he charges he does exactly what he use to do, he always goes for a weak spot, in this case it is my arm without a shoulder piece on it. I swiftly block it and look down at him. He has anger in his eyes and I suddenly feel the urge to fight back. I swing at him quickly which he weakly blocks, the power in my swing jars his shoulder. He yells in pain. I disarm him and he looks at me scared. "Pick it up" I say. "There is no honour in killing a man who is unarmed" I mutter. He picks up his sword quickly and goes to stab me, I disarm him again. "Pick it up, hold it properly" I mutter.

"This isn't training" he spits. He picks up his sword.

"I know" I say. I kick him in the stomach and he falls backwards. While he is falling I throw my sword to his chest. I imagine him as being an animal that I have killed for meat to make myself feel better, to make it feel like I hadn't just killed a ten year old. I walk away with tears running down my cheeks. Clarke runs after me and grabs my arm. "Just leave me alone" I snap at her as I shake my arm from her grip. There isn't anyone around.

"No, I won't" Clarke says, straightening up so she seems bigger than me. I look her in the eye, curious to what she could possibly say. "Sometimes we need to do bad things so that we can create good"

"And what good am I going to create from that Clarke?!" I yell. The tears still falling from my eyes. Clarke remains calm although I am yelling at her.

"I know what you wish to do as commander and there is no bad in that" she says. She brings her hands up to my face a wipes my tears away. "This guilt that you feel is good, you are not a monster because you felt for him when he died and that's what makes you a good leader" she says with her hands on my cheeks. More tears fall from my eyes.

"I didn't feel this way when I killed Willa" I say.

"That's because you actually wanted her dead, as bad as that sounds it's true and i still know you felt for her. You asked her to say something to you, you were willing to give her a second chance but she screwed it's up"

"She was never going to survive that" I say. Clarke nods, she continues wiping my tears away that are beginning to stop falling.

"I know but you still had faith in her"

"That's a weakness clarke" I say pulling away from her slightly. Clarke shakes her head.

"No it's not, having faith isn't a weakness Lexa especially when you know when it is lost or not" Clarke says and I begin to feel better. Clarke rests her hands on my shoulder.

"Maybe you're right"

"I know I'm right" Clarke says with a smirk. I laugh and lean in and kiss her. She kisses me back and pulls away.

"How do you have the power to make me feel better?"