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I placed the brim of my mug to my lips, taking several sips of my hot chocolate while I sat in front of the fire. I smiled at the thought of Hunter, who got easily frustrated with me when trying to teach me how to chop wood and things like that. We bought this home right before Malachi was born, which was supposed to be our permanent home. However, we just decided to make it a vacation home.
Hunter loved the cold weather and mountains. I grew to love it because of his admiration for it. After he and Malachi died, I found myself here a lot. Malachi was so much like his father that it was scary. I loved the relationship they had with one another. I often found myself jealous of it, actually. I never knew how to be a mother because I fought being a mother for so long. Malachi came out of nowhere, and I didn't want to even bring the idea of getting rid of Hunter's first child. That would've killed him. So, I had him.
Believe it or not, I'm happy that I did. Most people say a child doesn't save a marriage, but I beg to differ. Malachi singlehandedly saved Hunter and I's marriage. We were on the brinks of collapse, and when I learned that we were expecting our first child, things magically turned around. When Malachi was born, I was devoted and committed to be the best mother I could be. And I did. I had grown into the mother role quite naturally and wanted more kids.
However, I got another career opportunity when Malachi was older and I completely abandoned both my child and husband. Dancing was my first love, and even Hunter couldn't past that. No matter how much I loved him, I loved dancing more. I didn't know how to balance because for so long, I didn't have to. I'm not sure how Malia and Maya did it. Maybe I should've taken parenting classes or something.
I think if I would've done that, they would still be here with me. Malachi couldn't live in this world no longer without the love from his mother. I wish I would've paid attention. Sighing, I shook my head. Dancing gave me everything. But, it cost me the two people whom I loved dearly. I hadn't really danced in two years. I didn't want to be around it, at all. I kept my dance schools open, but I removed myself from them all. The one I used to teach in LA, I hired a new teacher to take over that one.
I had officially retired from it. Throughout my self blaming and grieving times, I found the courage to keep Hunter's construction company up and running. With his parents by my side, it continued to post the numbers that he posted when he was alive. For Malachi, I was currently meshing all of his videos to make a documentary about him and his suicide. I wanted other adolescences to know his story. He was into blogging so he had a lot of videos. It was going to take a while.
Before I could get comfortable on the couch, the doorbell rung and I jumped up. I slid across the hardwood floors in my fuzzy socks to get to the door. I took a deep breath and swung the door open. "Hey Khari." I greeted.
