lethal //phan

t h i r t y - f o u r

I wrote the chapter to this so maybe you guys might to listen to it quietly to connect on a *spiritual level* or some shit idk.

(Music creds to the guy who played this cover - his channel name is Brendan Olson he's got some insanely good covers on there if you want to check him out)

-

Dan
Five minutes.

"Give us the five minutes on our own. Please." Dan said, not caring that he'd said 'please' to them and broke one of his own rules.

"Sure, whatever." Alfie replied, and the four of them walked off.

Now the two of them had been left alone, Dan pulled Phil into an embrace, allowing his head to rest on his shoulders. He just wanted to be near him at that point, the simplicity of just having someone close was all he could ask for at that moment in time.

"I'm so so sorry. This shouldn't have happened - it's all my fault." Dan spoke into him, his words a little muffled.

"Don't be silly. I don't blame you one bit, this isn't your fault."

Dan couldn't help but feel bad; neither of them deserved what was going to happen but Phil had it so much worse. He was the one who'd made friends at the place, the academy meant nothing to Dan - it would've been so much easier if he were the one to go.

"I'm going to miss how annoying you are."

"Yeah, but you love me for it."

"I do love you, I wish I'd have told you that sooner."

He realised that he'd never said those words aloud to Phil before then, and he regretted not doing it as now his time to say it had ran out. Dan regretted numerous things surrounding Phil: that he didn't treat him nicely from day one, Dan thought he didn't deserve Phil after the way he used to act; he regretted not telling him how he felt sooner and that he'd kept so much of himself hidden from him for so long.

Dan hadn't cried in two years, but when he felt water on the side of his cheek it didn't take him by surprise - he'd been in a similar state when Connor was declared a missing person.

"Hey, we'll find a way to get things back to normal." Phil tried to comfort him, using his thumb to wipe the tears away from Dan's eyes.

"Why are you such an optimist?" He smiled through bleary eyes.

"Balances out your pessimism." Phil answered, trying his hardest to smile back.

Four minutes.

It was easier the first time this had happened, at least then Dan didn't know Connor would leave until he'd actually left.

"Connor's alright, isn't he?" Phil asked, as if reading his thoughts.

"Connor's one of the nicest people I've ever met, you'll love him I promise." he reassured.

The fact Phil wouldn't be totally alone made him feel a little happier, but for the likes of him he wasn't too sure what he'd do. Dan had tried his best to get on better terms with the people around him, but he still feared what people thought of him. Ironic considering he wouldn't have cared less a few months before.

"I don't want you to go."

"Can't say I'm thrilled about it either, though it could be a lot worse." Phil responded. "But we're going to find a way to get things back to how they should be."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I'll be back before you know it."

Phil was correct, Dan was a huge pessimist. He couldn't help but wonder if whether or not he'd ever see him again; he held Phil a little tighter out of paranoia that it would be the last time.

"I'll do what you did; do a shit ton of research until I find the solution to our problems."

"I'm pretty sure my 'research' only gave us more problems if I'm going to be honest."

Three minutes.

"And don't worry about being all that alone; you should know that Tyler came up to me a few days ago and he says if you ever need someone to talk to he'll be there. Wouldn't surprise me if he travelled forward a few days and found out about this the hard way; if not it's just a really twisted coincidence."

Dan moved one of his hands from Phil's back and placed it against one of Phil's. He tried to memorise the way his hands felt, the softness of his skin and the way they looked whilst intertwined with his; never wanting to forget even the smallest of details. Dan traced the lines on Phil's palm with one of his fingers, he made sure to always know of the very few centimetres that separated them in height.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked.

"Trying to remember you."

Two minutes.

Kissing him would only hurt Dan more, he knew that. Hence why didn't even attempt to do it, listening to his head and not his heart - Dan was aware of the one that was speaking more sense. Kisses would only make him miss Phil more and he was certain he wouldn't be able to take it if it was any worse. Presumably Phil felt a similar way as he didn't try to do anything of the sort either.

One minute.

The next forty five seconds were spent in silence. Dan had realised that in some cases it spoke far louder than words would ever be able to. Somehow the quiet reached farther distances than small talk or heart-felt goodbyes did.

Ten seconds.

"I love you." Dan repeated.

"I love you too." were Phil's last words.

Zero seconds.

"And I'd tell you so every hour of the day if I could do this all over again." Dan mumbled as he tried to distract himself from the feeling of emptiness now that there was no one in his arms.

•••••••••••••••••••
END OF PART I
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The ending was sort of sad, sorry about that lmao don't kill me.
There's a sequel up if you're interested it's called Incarceration :)

This is just a final thank to everyone who has commented, voted, entered me in TFFA's and read in general - I finished this with 13K which is really cool and I appreciate it so so much.